Husband missing Dr. Appointments — The Bump
Military Families

Husband missing Dr. Appointments

Ladies what are your experiences and feelings about this. I realize we all don't have a choice and sometimes they are away, training or deployed. But, how about when they are home and cannot make the appointments due to work commitments? We had a miscarriage last time and so I am feeling a little sad that he wont be there to see his baby's heartbeat. I know the Military comes first but it really sucks sometimes when they are home and still can't be around. 
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Re: Husband missing Dr. Appointments

  • MH rarely comes to appointments. He came to the first one to meet the midwife and make sure that we both liked her before we committed, but other than that he's usually at work. I'm a SAHM, so it's easiest for me to have appointments in the middle of the day, which just doesn't work for him. That's life. 

    I'm sure there's added anxiety when you're PGAL, and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Do you have a good friend who can go with you and hold your hand? 

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  • skoozskooz member
    The only appointment DH came to was the 20wk ultrasound, and that was just because he happened to have the day off. I would've been kind of bummed if he had to miss that one since we found out the sex, but sometimes it just doesn't work out for them to be off. Sorry you're having a hard time with it. I was always excited to tell him all about the appointment (heartbeat, weight, etc.) when he got home for the day. You could try recording the heartbeat with your phone if you want him to hear it.
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  • We had our 3D ultrasound 2 weeks ago and my husband was scheduled to fly up until the day before. I don't mind going to appointments alone because they are usually quick and easy, but I feel guilty that my husband has to miss so much. Women already feel closer to baby because we get to experience everything. If only the military knew how much our husbands benefit from being involved! ;)

  • My dh came to all of the important appointments. He was always at ultrasounds. Other than that, I didn't care one way or another. He had command who was willing to be flexible.
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  • Before I was put on bed rest, my husband was only able to come to appointments if there was an ultrasound.  After that, he was able to drive me if there was no one else that could do it.  That's the way it is for most people I know, military or not.  
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  • My DH has only been able to go to the two ultrasounds we have had(we had a 20 week and then a redo because they couldn't see her face in the first).  I have to admit I get a bit jealous when I see other husbands at the doctor's office but the appointments I have had have been so short and to the point that it would be almost silly for him to be there.  I am hoping he will be at the birth but that isn't certain either.  I just have to remember that this is our life and although sometimes it really stinks, it can also be FABULOUS.  I hope all is well with this little one.  How far along are you?
  • My H probably went to about half of my appointments, maybe a little more.  But when scheduling appointments I would ask for the latest one they had available.  If he made it home in time to go, great, if not then no big deal.  He made sure to get home in time for u/s appointments.  

    We also had a doppler at home, so whenever he felt bad about missing appts I would find the heartbeat for him with that.  For most appts that was really the only thing that would matter to him anyways.   

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  • NSLNSL member
    Not trying to flame here, but realistically most working husbands aren't able to come to all of their wives' prenatal appointments.  This isn't a uniquely military problem.  Yes, it would be great if he could be there for everything, but putting the situation in perspective and making the most of what you can do to involve him (including recording the heartbeat on your phone) will make the appointments far less stressful than they need to be.
  • DH only came for the ultrasounds. It never really bothered me that he couldn't come to any of the other appointments but maybe that's because I never expected him to come. 
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  • MH came to 2 maybe 3 appointments the entire pregnancy.  He only made it to one regular appointment to see the heartbeat because we were pcs-ing in a few weeks so he didn't have much to do.  He made the anatomy scan because our hospital has appointments for those until 830 at night to make an effort for spouses to be there.  

    I was sad, but I think most of that was some friends of ours who were expecting around the same time, the husband made EVERY appointment so it kind of annoyed me that they had the same job, but MH couldn't make it and her husband could.  Eventually, I stopped caring since the appointments were mostly 20 maybe 30 minutes long and he wasn't missing a whole lot.  

    Honestly, that's the only couple I know where the husband was able to make a majority of the appointments, most people it's pretty much the same as MH.

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  • I feel really fortunate that my h was able to make every single appointment when I was pregnant with my daughter. He's since made every baby wellness appointment as well.

    I know this isn't the norm. I think I would be ok with him not making every appointment. They are often uneventful. I would, however, be quite disappointed if he couldn't make a single one let alone the anatomy scan. But at the end of the day, life does move on.
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  • ksf13ksf13 member
    DH has made a few of my appointments, luckily they were all for ultrasounds. I don't know that he will be able to make another until closer to my due date. Just try and appreciate when he does get to go with you :). Hopefully he will get to make the big appointments anyway. Good luck and congrats!
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  • DH missed all of my appointments with my first pregnancy because of Basic/AIT. We planned the second child so he'd be here and be able to come to appointments. That didn't exactly work out. Despite being here, he still missed all of my appointments except for the ones that had blood work (I insisted on him being there because I am notorious for passing out and/or throwing up and didn't trust myself to get myself and my toddler home ok). He was supposed to come to my anatomy scan, but missed it because of his command. One person told him he could go, another told him they had a test. He of course went to work because he didn't want to miss the test... turns out the test was not for his rank. Stuff happens and over the years I have learned that nothing is for sure until it actually happens.

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  • DH only came to three appointments - the first ultrasound, the 20 week anatomy scan, and the appointment to get the results of the 20 week anatomy scan.  We had to have a follow up anatomy scan to see if a problem from the first had resolved itself and he couldn't come - which really upset me because I was crying like crazy after getting the results from the first.  But what can you do?  It sucks when work gets in the way but there are plenty of women who are going through all of pregnancy on their own so I try to remember how lucky I am to have him here at all and leave it at that.  I'm sorry your DH can't be there more but remember it's not his choice and he would if he could.
  • My husband was able to attend 3 of the 4 ultrasounds and I think 3 other appointments.  Those were a fluke because he happened to have a random day off for one and the other ones were late enough in the day that he was already home from work.  It really didn't bother me at all.  He was able to be there for the birth and that's what mattered the most to me, though he did have to meet me at the hospital.  
  • My DH only made it to 3 appts....the dating u/s, the NT scan and the anatomy u/s. He made it to the first one because it was on base during his lunch, he made it to the 2nd one because we scheduled it to be after he got off work, it was out in town, and he made it to the 3rd one because it was during his holiday leave period. I was considered semi high risk and had a few appt's where I was in tears because of complications. DH went on a lot of tad orders during my pregnancy....hell he was tad when I found out I was pregnant lol, or couldn't get off work.

    This is part of the Military life and while it sucks it's something a lot of wives/so's have to go through. We lived far from family so I didn't have anyone to lean on. When I had an appt. I would just call my DH right after and tell him in detail what happened. Because of my high risk I had a lot more u/s's so I would also scan the photos and email them to him.
  • imageNSL:
    Not trying to flame here, but realistically most working husbands aren't able to come to all of their wives' prenatal appointments.  This isn't a uniquely military problem.  Yes, it would be great if he could be there for everything, but putting the situation in perspective and making the most of what you can do to involve him (including recording the heartbeat on your phone) will make the appointments far less stressful than they need to be.

    This.  I work with a lot of men who have kids and none of them were able to take off every single appointment their wives had, it is just to hard to leave in the middle of the day for a regular appointment regardless of your profession.  My H came to our A/S and I think one or two other appointments that happened to fall on dates he was on leave or around the time we PCSd.  Regardless of his job I wouldn't really expect him to take off time to come to a basic appointment, it was hard enough for me to schedule the appointments into my own work schedule without having to take into consideration his.

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  • I think my H was only able to come to my first born's ultrasound appointment.  That was it.  Military is military.  We don't get all the same *luxuries* as other people do.  I make do.
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  • in my 8 pregnancies my husband has only gone to 1 appointment over 2 years ago. it is just how it is and i am ok with it

    Married 11/27/09 and TTC right away
    Dx: Complete septate uterus with cervical duplication, endometrial polyps, PCOS, endometriosis, hypo thyroid, luteal phase defect
    4 uterus surgeries to correct my complete septum and to remove polyps and 2 years of seeing the RE, medicated cycles and IUIs
    Baby 1 and 2: BFP 3/3/11 with 2 babies EDD 11/1/11, M/C 4/6/11
    Baby #3: 8/11 pregnant EDD 4/27/11 and m/c:(
    Baby #4: 10/12/11 BFP! EDD 6/16/12m/c 10/26/11
    Baby #5: 3/13/12 BFP! EDD 11/25/12 ANOTHER m/c :(

    Baby #6: 2/14/13- BFP! EDD 10/24/13, CP 2/19/13
    Baby #7: 3/15/13- BFP! EDD 11/27/13, another CP
    Baby #8.  BFP 5/19/13 EDD 1/22/14. 8 was not our lucky number

    4th septum resection on 5/31/13.
    Baby #9: 6/29/13 BFP. C section scheduled for March 5th!

    My miracle baby was born March 5 at 9:33am. He was 8 lbs 12.5 oz and 21.25 inches long!

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