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One & Done: Only child
MAtoNC
member
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Feeling a little sad about OAD today. Reassurance, please?
MAtoNC
member
Sorry long. :-(
I am spending a week in a beach house with my family. My parents, two sisters, their spouses and kids, and my DH and DS. One sister has 2 kids, and my youngest (10 years younger than me) is expecting her first.
DS is having a blast with his cousins (which is definitely reassuring and awesome). They have a bond that I hope they continue to nurture through their lives.
Last night, my parents watched all the kids while my DH and I went out to dinner with my sisters and their husbands. It is something that we rarely get to do, and it was just the best!
I had such an amazing time, but at one point, I looked around the table, and thought to myself "my son will never have this." He will have other great things. And other amazing relationships, I'm sure. But not...this. And I felt sad.
I know that if DS had a sibling, there is no guarantee that they would be close like I am with my sisters. And I know that having a sibling from whom you are estranged or are not close to can be worse than not having one at all. But right now, it is still hard--that it is not an option for us. and it is not an option for him.
If you have gotten this far, thanks so much for listening. I just needed to get it out and didn't know where else to write about it.
Married 4/12/08
DS born 11/17/2009 via c-section at 39 weeks.
11/12/2011 BFP #2!! m/c 7w5d.
2/28/2012 BFP #3 Beta #1-12dpo = 18; Beta #2-16dpo = 185; Beta #3-18dpo = 505. EDD 11/10/2012. Ectopic discovered at 5w4d. D&C followed by methotrexate.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling a little sad about OAD today. Reassurance, please?
For full disclosure: I do want to say I am only semi an only child. I DO have 2 half sisters. They are a bit younger and my SM kept us kind of separate while they were young, and i lived with my mom full time. Also at 18 I ended up with 2 adult Stepsisters.
I know it's hard to have perspective sometimes, but it's so important to remember that even parents of multiple children cannot see the future. None of us know what our child's future holds. So, being sad over it long before you even know what it will be is pointless!
He could be the happiest of happy adults and yet you wasted time being sad for him. Don't bother!
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
In general, I am a staunch OADer, and an only myself.
That being said, I do feel like that sometimes when I see my friends who are lucky enough to be close with their siblings.
DH has one sister, who they totally get a long, but aren't close persay. He is also like me, 98% on OAD, but looked at me the other day when I asked him about more babies and he goes, "I have thought about it lately, that maybe it would be nice for her and us to experience that".
Unfortunately, I do not want to put my body through pregnancy, L&D, and another C-Section again. We have discussed adoption, but need to do a ton of research on the idea of a blended family. We also simply cannot afford to have 2 in daycare.
All of your comments have been really helpful! Thank you for all of the hugs everyone!! I really needed input from OADoners (whether "for sure" or "for now).
It is nice to know that some of you feel the same way sometimes, even though you know that the decision is best for you. I keep forgetting that it isn't a black or white thing even for parents who are OAD by choice--that even though the good things about being OAD outweigh the "bad" for some families, it is still normal to have sad feelings about it.
I couldn't talk to my sisters about it because I didn't want them to feel bad for me or think I was feeling bad for myself...Also, with my sister pregnant, I didn't want her to worry that seeing her pregnant is difficult for me (it's not).
::hugs:: I'm so sorry you're having a few down feelings right now. I'm sure they're 100% normal for many who are OAD, even if you're very confident in the decision and that it's the right one.
I have two siblings (two younger brothers) myself, and I also know my daughter won't have that experience. I just hope she makes a best friend or two to fill that "void".. you know, my best friend is so close to me and amazing, that she IS like a sister to me. She might as well be
Maybe your kiddo will find that someday, and it WILL be like having a sibling. I know it's not exactly the same.
More hugs to you.
This is exactly what will happen.
I understand, however, everybody is not going to have everything. Those who are males who have one sister sibling will never have a brother. Those who are females who have one brother sibling will never have a sister.
Your child when he becomes an adult can easily have you and your DH watch his children while your DC goes out to dinner with his best friends and their wives as adult children, and have a great time as well.