Lurked on the SAHM board and surprised

DCMerged · June 2013

I was curious since many of the posts on this board are about challenges to working and being a mom (I know as I have posted these types of things), including the regular incidence of "I want to be a SAHM" right after moms go back to work. I popped over to see what the other side was like. They really seem to be a happy group. I thought I would see posts about how bored they were or were going crazy being with kids all day.

jf198400 · June 2013

Yea I lurk there sometimes. I actually posted there yesterday asking the moms who went from WM to SAHM if they felt like their lives were easier. The vast majority said Yes it is much easier.

SunAndRain · June 2013

I choose to be a WM because I find it more fulfilling. Similarly I am sure that many SAH moms find that choice to be the more fulfilling choice for them. I personally wouldn't find SAH "easier" because I would be bored and less directed.

RondackHiker · June 2013

EllaHella:
Shocking, right?nbsp; that was sarcasmnbsp;

Right?

This will go well.

Deez10 · June 2013

I lurk that board because I'm hoping to be a SAHM next time around.

I know I certainly wish I would see more "I'm bored" stuff but that's just because I'm envious of SAHMs and want to be one.

jlaOK · June 2013

I'm not surprised at all at the number of SAHMs who love it. I would think that becoming a SAHM is more often something you choose to do compared to those on this board who would love to be SAHMs but can't swing it.

FWIW, I also think that there's a huge distinction between discussing challenges of being a WM and wanting to be a SAHM. I would venture to guess that the majority of women on here want to work or at least think that the benefits outweigh the challenges.

boogerbearoriginal · June 2013

Ummmm, what?

MammaBear81 · June 2013

jlaOK:
I'm not surprised at all at the number of SAHMs who love it. I would think that becoming a SAHM is more often something you choose to do compared to those on this board who would love to be SAHMs but can't swing it.
FWIW, I also think that there's a huge distinction between discussing challenges of being a WM and wanting to be a SAHM. I would venture to guess that the majority of women on here want to work or at least think that the benefits outweigh the challenges.

Some people become SAHM or WM out of financial necessity, but I don't think this is the majority. I know a few SAHM's that lost their job, and are looking for work. I also know some WM's (myself included) that work because they have to, not because they want to.

It comes down to if you chose to do what you are doing (either way) you are probably very happy with what you are doing. If you didn't get to choose (again, either way), then you MIGHT be happy, or you might not be. In any case it doesn't help to complain about your situation, just make the best out of it.

2chatter · June 2013

Not touching that last bit, but overall....I would expect to see more people not satisfied with their choices, if that is what the OP meant. I mean, come on, it's human to sometimes think that the grass is greener. I agree in that aspect if there is no "I need to escape" on SAHM that is weird. I work and I often want to escape that! I am not home with the kids full time and sometimes want to escape that. It's not about SAH v WM. I want some of whatever they are drinking, then.

Nechie122 · June 2013

SunAndRain:
I choose to be a WM because I find it more fulfilling.nbsp; Similarly I am sure that many SAH moms find that choice to be the more fulfilling choice for them.nbsp; I personallynbsp;wouldn't find SAH "easier" because I would be bored and less directed.nbsp;

Same here. I didn't like working PT so I returned to work FT. I imagine that if you regretted being a SAHM, you'd try to find a way to reenter the workforce.

That said, their lives are hardly picture perfect over there. I lurk too and see a number of posts about tensions that arise over what DH's role should be in terms of childcare and household tasks. I think there's more of an assumption that things should be split equally when both parents work outside the home.

I was also surprised at how many wives over there pack their husband's suitcase before a trip. Not sure if the answers would differ over here or not. But it's probably easier to fall into "traditional" roles when the man is the breadwinner and the woman stays home; your comfort level with that arrangement probably factors into your overall satisfaction.

gingerfamily · June 2013

amy052006:

Well, for one thing it is a diverse group. True SAHMs by choice, people who SAHM due to circumstance (not always happily), PT WMs, and some WMs that work opposite shifts so they are home with their kids during the day.

But generally, I think the PP nailed it in that most people are doing whatever it is they are doing because they have the choice, so they are happy.

If I wasn't, I'd just go back to work full time. With the exception of a few posters who are actively looking for work, I think that is the case for almost everyone over there.

Also, apparently it is the third most active board on the Bump, so no one has time to be bored.

This surprises me. I rarely am able to get online when I'm home.

2chatter · June 2013

If I packed DH's suitcase he would kill me!

Snow1010 · June 2013

I'm probably in the minority, but I work full time because I want to. We could live comfortably off my DH's salary. It's not that I "love" my job, but I would struggle being a SAHM. Honestly, the weekends are exhausting!!!!! Maybe it's my DD's age, but there is never downtime. I simply couldn't do it all day everyday. I love spending time with DD, but I also enjoy being an adult in a challenging job. I want to have a balance in life.

Curls218 · June 2013

Nechie122:
I was also surprised at how many wives over there pack their husband's suitcase before a trip. Not sure if the answers would differ over here or not. But it's probably easier to fall into "traditional" roles when the man is the breadwinner and the woman stays home; your comfort level with that arrangement probably factors into your overall satisfaction.

I usually have to remind DH what kind of outfits he needs, but he picks out his own clothes to pack. Then I pack it since his method of packing is one large pile in the middle of the suitcase that he then tries to squish down to close it. Confused

mrsnala · June 2013

Deez10:
I know I certainly wish I would see more "I'm bored" stuff but that's just because I'm envious of SAHMs and want to be one.

This is me, I am bored and going crazy being a WM.

MrsSDgirl · June 2013

I know I don't post here much, but I did read that post on the SAHM board, and found it very interesting. So I just wanted to add my two cents. (I lurk on that board because I, also, long to SAH with my boys.) Anyway, lIke OP said, a lot of the moms there said that staying at home was easier than working, but that it also had different challenges. Fair enough. But, some of the moms said that it's so hard, I don't get ANY breaks, I can't even eat lunch, blah, blah, blah. I can see that too, depending on the situation. But, my question is, if you're SO BUSY that you don't get any time for a break, how is it that you're posting on The BUMP all. day. long? Perhaps I'll get flamed for this, but like a pp said it is the third busiest board on The Bump. (I'm curious, BTW, as to which board is actually the busiest.) I'm truly curious, so if anyone here has insight please inform me. (I'm afraid to ask over there!) I do realize that perhaps I'm a hypocrite by asking this since I'm bumping while I should be working, but today is slow and I rarely post everyday.

aglenn · June 2013

MrsSDgirl:
I know I don't post here much, but I did read that post on the SAHM board, and found it very interesting. So I just wanted to add my two cents. (I lurk on that board because I, also, long to SAH with my boys.) Anyway, lIke OP said, a lot of the moms there said that staying at home was easier than working, but that it also had different challenges. Fair enough. But, some of the moms said that it's so hard, I don't get ANY breaks, I can't even eat lunch, blah, blah, blah. I can see that too, depending on the situation. But, my question is, if you're SO BUSY that you don't get any time for a break, how is it that you're posting on The BUMP all. day. long? Perhaps I'll get flamed for this, but like a pp said it is the third busiest board on The Bump. (I'm curious, BTW, as to which board is actually the busiest.) I'm truly curious, so if anyone here has insight please inform me. (I'm afraid to ask over there!) I do realize that perhaps I'm a hypocrite by asking this since I'm bumping while I should be working, but today is slow and I rarely post everyday.

My guess would be that (in addition to nap time, of course) many of the SAHMs probably visit TB periodically during the day for a mini-break. I know I do that at work, and also sometimes when I am home with the kids, just to kind of switch gears and clear my head. It does not take a ton of time to look at messages and type a quick post.

Mjmksb04 · June 2013

My eyes roll out of my head whenever I read any of the mommy wars/martyrish complaints that typically come from SAHMs, although there are WOH moms who do the same. With the exception of the first year, which is chaos and sleep deprived for everyone, if you aren't making free time for yourself, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness and your life and figure it out. WE all have challenges. We all are busy.

MrsSDgirl · June 2013

I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.

mommymegan831 · June 2013

I lurk over there sometimes, I didn't see your post but I'm often surprised at how petty alot of their worries and concerns are. I'm glad I don't have time or energy to complain about the things they do.

aglenn · June 2013

mommymegan831:
I lurk over there sometimes, I didn't see your post but I'm often surprised at how petty alot of their worries and concerns are. I'm glad I don't have time or energy to complain about the things they do.

Indifferent

This board has been really, really weird lately. Is there a full moon or something?

MrsSDgirl · June 2013

EllaHella:
MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.
Just stop.

I know. I'm not as involved in the whole "Bump world" as many people are. So I guess I just don't understand and wanted to get some insight. No worries. I'm done.

LuckyDad · June 2013

I'm bored, and I'm a Working Dad. That's why I come to thebump. I would love to SAH. And get paid as much as I get paid to do so. And I want a Unicorn. Or maybe a Dragon?

Seriously though, there are pros and cons to most things in life. DW stays at home right now, she has days she loves it and days she wants to pull her hair out.

aglenn · June 2013

EllaHella:
aglenn:
mommymegan831:
I lurk over there sometimes, I didn't see your post but I'm often surprised at how petty alot of their worries and concerns are. I'm glad I don't have time or energy to complain about the things they do.
This board has been really, really weird lately. Is there a full moon or something?
Oh thank god. Someone with logic and common sense is still here. I thought we lost all that with the proboard defection.

Oh, is that what happened? I haven't ventured into off-boards and wondered what happened around here.

Mrs.adambabycakes · June 2013

I don't pack my H's suitcase for him. But I rub his back and let him hold my leg while he goes poo.

CinemaGoddess · June 2013

MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.

Do you think the laundry is going to do itself? Dinner is going to make itself? The floor is going to vacuum itself?

My kids used to sleep for 90 minutes-2 hours a day. I usually spent almost all of that time doing all the things I can't do when they're awake, including showering.

I would get about 10 minutes of actual downtime during naps. I would wolf down a lunch in that 10 minutes.

OP, you are a dummy.

mhickey426 · June 2013

I would love to be a SAHM but I can't afford it. I hate having to leave my DD everyday. I already feel like I am missing out on things. She got her foot in her mouth for the first time while my mil was watching her and then my mom got to see it before I did too. It makes me worry what other firsts am I going to miss and have to hear about it from someone else.

I would also get to see my DH more which would be nice. I don't think I would be bored with anything other then the cleaning. I would be responsible for cleaning the whole house if I was a SAHM and my DH worked. I definitely would not like that at all. Thankfully, I work in a school so I do get time off but it still isn't enough. I love being home with my dd. Maybe once she is in school then I could possibly get bored but as long as she is home I can't imagine it.

MammaBear81 · June 2013

CinemaGoddess:
MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.
Do you think the laundry is going to do itself? Dinner is going to make itself? The floor is going to vacuum itself?
My kids used to sleep for 90 minutes-2 hours a day. I usually spent almost all of that time doing all the things I can't do when they're awake, including showering.
I would get about 10 minutes of actual downtime during naps. I would wolf down a lunch in that 10 minutes.
OP, you are a dummy.

While I dont' agree with MrsSDGirl, I think you are being a little over dramatic. It's not like you can't do ANYTHING when your kids are awake. Yes, being a SAHM is busy, so is a working mom, but we all need to learn to manage our time so we have "me" time. No one needs to be a martyr.

mhickey426 · June 2013

AshPal61:
mhickey426:

I would love to be a SAHM but I can't afford it. I hate having to leave my DD everyday. I already feel like I am missing out on things. She got her foot in her mouth for the first time while my mil was watching her and then my mom got to see it before I did too. It makes me worry what other firsts am I going to miss and have to hear about it from someone else.

Tell people to not spoil the firsts for you...If they see it first, keep it to themselves.

I hate "first" ruiners.

thanks I think I will!!!

MrsSDgirl · June 2013

CinemaGoddess:
MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.
Do you think the laundry is going to do itself? Dinner is going to make itself? The floor is going to vacuum itself?
My kids used to sleep for 90 minutes-2 hours a day. I usually spent almost all of that time doing all the things I can't do when they're awake, including showering.

Oh Geez! I was responding to someone who said that SAHM's post on The Bump during nap time. My point was, if you post on the bump during nap time, then that is your "break". If you do other things during nap time like cooking, cleaning, etc, then of coarse it's not a break! I never said that all nap times are breaks.

CinemaGoddess · June 2013

MammaBear81:
CinemaGoddess:
MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME! And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.
Do you think the laundry is going to do itself? Dinner is going to make itself? The floor is going to vacuum itself?
My kids used to sleep for 90 minutes-2 hours a day. I usually spent almost all of that time doing all the things I can't do when they're awake, including showering.
I would get about 10 minutes of actual downtime during naps. I would wolf down a lunch in that 10 minutes.
OP, you are a dummy.
While I dont' agree with MrsSDGirl, I think you are being a little over dramatic. It's not like you can't do ANYTHING when your kids are awake. Yes, being a SAHM is busy, so is a working mom, but we all need to learn to manage our time so we have "me" time. No one needs to be a martyr.

No, but it's a heck of a lot more difficult to get things done when they're awake, especially when they "help".

The martyrdom on both sides is stupid. To claim that SAHMs are doing it wrong because they don't take "me" time during naps is dumb. To claim that WMs are leaving their kids to be raised by strangers is also dumb.

This thread is just perpetuating the mommy wars and is a lame attempt on the OP's part to make herself feel better.

NotSharknado · June 2013

I am so bored.

CinemaGoddess · June 2013

The "break" thing is ridiculous, still. Yes, I get a break from watching my kids, but I do not get a break from the rest of my responsibilities. Only when everything else is done do I truly get "me" time.

And with that I'm done with this mommy wars bullshiit.

NotSharknado · June 2013

MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break! nbsp;Also, I sometime read long posts during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed and that takes a LONG TIME! nbsp;And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts. nbsp;I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now. nbsp;

Nap time is where I get to shower and clean up after lunch. Maybe if I say it's a break then it will feel like one? Listen to Ella and just stop.

missyishere · June 2013

LuckyDad:
I'm bored, and I'm a Working Dad. That's why I come to thebump. I would love to SAH. And get paid as much as I get paid to do so. And I want a Unicorn. Or maybe a Dragon?
Seriously though, there are pros and cons to most things in life. DW stays at home right now, she has days she loves it and days she wants to pull her hair out.

No skittles for Dads. Sowwy! Also, here's your dragon:

MrsSDgirl · June 2013

I never said that SAHM's shouldn't take me time during naps. My point was, if you do take me time, then great! I certainly would. But own it, and don't say I get no breaks.

robinsokj · June 2013

LOL to being able to get things done when theyre awake. I have 2 veryyyyyyyy active toddlers. Some days are easier than others, but yesterday, I literally did not sit down all day. They are potty training so one either needed me in the bathroom, or both, and they always must go at on different floors, or I needed to see boogers, or I needed to stop one from becoming a bloody mess b/c his brother was trying to bludgeon him.

I mean really, unless you've been there you have no clue what you're talking about, which is why I don't say a damn thing about working moms

NotSharknado · June 2013

MammaBear81:
CinemaGoddess:
MrsSDgirl:
I understand that there is nap time, but then why say you don't get any breaks? That's a break!  Also, I sometime read long posts (during slow times at work, or at home after the kids are in bed) and that takes a LONG TIME!  And, the same people respond with very long, thought out posts.  I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this can be done all while "I'm so busy that I have no time for myself". But, in their defense, if I was a SAHM I would most likely post a lot more on TB than I do now.  
Do you think the laundry is going to do itself?  Dinner is going to make itself?  The floor is going to vacuum itself?
My kids used to sleep for 90 minutes-2 hours a day.  I usually spent almost all of that time doing all the things I can't do when they're awake, including showering.
I would get about 10 minutes of actual downtime during naps.  I would wolf down a lunch in that 10 minutes.
OP, you are a dummy. 
While I dont' agree with MrsSDGirl, I think you are being a little over dramatic.  It's not like you can't do ANYTHING when your kids are awake.  Yes, being a SAHM is busy, so is a working mom, but we all need to learn to manage our time so we have "me" time.  No one needs to be a martyr.

I literally can't do Shiit when DD is awake. Some kids need 100 percent attention like DD. it's not being a martyr, it's reality.

robinsokj · June 2013

MrsSDgirl:
I never said that SAHM's shouldn't take me time during naps. My point was, if you do take me time, then great! I certainly would. But own it, and don't say I get no breaks.

you're a moron

nancy30005 · June 2013

robinsokj:
LOL to being able to get things done when theyre awake. I have 2 veryyyyyyyy active toddlers. Some days are easier than others, but yesterday, I literally did not sit down all day. They are potty training so one either needed me in the bathroom, or both, and they always must go at on different floors, or I needed to see boogers, or I needed to stop one from becoming a bloody mess b/c his brother was trying to bludgeon him.
I mean really, unless you've been there you have no clue what you're talking about, which is why I don't say a damn thing about working moms

CariH20 · June 2013

Snow1010:
I'm probably in the minority, but I work full time because I want to. We could live comfortably off my DH's salary. It's not that I "love" my job, but I would struggle being a SAHM. Honestly, the weekends are exhausting!!!!! Maybe it's my DD's age, but there is never downtime. I simply couldn't do it all day everyday. I love spending time with DD, but I also enjoy being an adult in a challenging job. I want to have a balance in life.

This!

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