Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Am I the only one wincing..
If you'll notice, nobody is calling the OP those names. We were assuming that's what the OP's husband was thinking.
And honesty, a lot of ladies here will acknowledge that their girl parts were jacked up after giving birth.
Unable to even.
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You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
I know no one is calling her these names. I still think it is kinda insensitive.
I think the words used were chosen because we playfully applied them to ourselves at one point. I don't think anyone was directing them at the OP.
I don't think I used any terms to describe the body in the other thread, but I would've picked: Freddy Krueger stomach and flabulous overhang. My stomach looked so hot after 3 c-sections.
My point is if I was describing a PP body, I'd use familiar terms about how I looked.
I used the term mangled vagina but was being tongue-in-cheek. I doubt her vagina is actually mangled.
OP didn't provide enough info on what her husband thinks is wrong with her body to actually know what's turning him off from wanting to be intimate with her.
Personally, I think it's an excuse. I highly doubt her PP body is the full reason he has denied her sex for 6 months.
This is where I am too given the info we were provided.
I think all those words were used without bad intentions.
You said looked. Past tense. Did you make it go away? 3 pregnancies, 4 kids, and 3 sections later, I have some see serious extra skin. Share your magic?
Sorry, no magic solution here. It must be genetics or something. I have chronic medical problems and the one benefit is that my meds decrease my appetite and make me nauseous. It helped with the weight loss. Silver linings and all that jazz.
My stretch marks are still there and are pretty atrocious though.
Jackson - if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18.
From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth.
Unable to even.
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You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Don't worry. Everyone reacts differently. I honestly was a few pounds lighter than prepregnancy weight with my first. I think it was due to hormones finally regulating themselves after pregnancy. With breastfeeding and not having time to eat as much and then chasing a toddler around, I didn't have any weight gain. Knock on wood though because I'm pregnant with my second now!
haha I'm worried I might regret this. I feel all "ladies get out your mirrors!"
Please tell me you are joking!
So here's the deal as I experienced it. I had a section so I can't speak to the lady bits worry but I can tell you about the body part. I am naturally petite and gained a normal amount of weight for my frame. I lost most of it at the hospital and within a week PP once the fluid retention from the surgery went away. However, the deflated basketball that will be your stomach is startling. It will feel like you will never look human again. However, if you have reasonable eating habits and are fairly active, your waist line and stomach will shrink back to somewhat normal within a month or 2. If you have a section, your muscles are pulled apart which doesn't always happen during pregnancy. So with a section, the pooch tends to stick around longer and it's harder to regain the core tightness and strength. A section is, after all, major abdominal surgery.
My body hung on to those last 5-10 lbs until I got my first PP period at 10 months PP. I breast fed. Once I got that first period, it seemed that my hormones were finally getting back to normal. Sex didn't hurt anymore and the rest of the pregnancy weight kind of fell off. In clothes, I look the same as before pregnancy. Naked, I have a section scar, my stomach is still different than before because my abs never came back together, and my breasts are a little sad. They worked hard feeding a baby for over a year so they are tired and deflated. I was very lucky in that I didn't get stretch marks.
Everybody is different. Some have to work really hard to get the pregnancy weight off and some don't really have to work at all. The PP body changes are the price we all accept when we have a baby. I think most women stress not knowing how their body will react to pregnancy and birth and if it will recover. We all wonder if our SOs will still find us attractive. What we go through to grow a baby, give birth, feed, recover and maybe do it all over again to have families is heroic. That's why people reacted so viscerally to the OP's H. His response and aversion to her body after what her body did to give this man a family is IMO deplorable. Real men see what their women go through for their children that they find them more attractive for these changes because they represent hard work and sacrifice.
Edit to fix typo of 10 months pp
That's ridiculous. Why do we perpetuate this myth that women's bodies are ruined after childbirth? The only thing different about my body is a tiny labial scar that I didn't find until two years later. That's it. And maybe a little abdominal muscle weakness but I only notice that when I eat a big meal and I'm bloated.
From what I know, and talking to my doctor DH, that's not a "pretty good representation" at all, except perhaps during the initial PP period when you're swollen and still healing.
What the hell is wrong with you guys?
It was a joke. A joke.
If you're going to get butthurt over a joke, you should probably leave the boards.
Unable to even.
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You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Yeah, other than the initial PP period, my vagina's pretty much back to normal. DH frequently comments on how tight I am. It may not still be that way after #2 but at least #1 didn't do permanent damage.
The hemmorrhoids on the other hand seem to be with me for the long run.
You said what I was thinking perfectly!
And a second section (as I had) leaves your abs even more fabulous. Damn post c section over hang!
No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.
I admit it was a dumb joke, but it just fit.
No joking about the sacred portal. Mine trapped my kid inside my body though so joke all you want about that @sshole.
That's another check in the "Maybe we should just adopt" box.
My sweet angels...
Baby girl grew wings 11/14/11, 20w
Baby boy grew wings 4/20/13, 16w
I thought this said "joke all you want about my asshoIe." I was trying to figure out why your asshoIe was funny.
@ssholes are always funny. But yes, I was calling my vagina an @sshole for not working right during childbirth.
I can't get past this.
ETA letters