when to give up??

ufsandra85 · June 2013

we are at that point. 4 surgeries to try to fix my uterus. Almost 4 years of trying. 3 years of almost non stop medicated cycles, iui, and surgeries and 8 miscarriages. My husband wants to be done because he thinks it is too much on my body but i still have hope and want to have my own baby. i am just more scared about never being a mom than i am about what this is doing to my body. Do you all have a stopping point? when are you going to give up?

mmhopeful · June 2013

Communicating with my husband and looking ahead to how "mom" is defined helps us. I am a "mom" to my nephews and to my students. We want my health to come first and then we talk about how our treatment options are possible. It's such a personal decision, but just know there are so many ways to "mother" a child, wether we give birth to our own children or not, those loving skills of nurturing another human being will not go to waste.

Thinking of you. You've been through so much and remember, as a couple, you both ARE a family! Smile Stay strong and take good care of yourself this Sunday.

ufsandra85 · June 2013

thank you guys. i really appreciate your input. there is so much to think about

olson2903 · June 2013

We are going to do one maybe two more IUI's then moving on. We havent yet decided if moving on means IVF or adoption. We are waiting to do my DH's second SA to see if the morphology improves at all. Either way, financially both options are a long ways out.

I know how hard a year of trying is, but 5 years I cant imagine. Its something YOU need to decide on. He has already let you know how he feels, but you need to be truly happy with the decision you make otherwise it will eat at you forever. I feel you have proven yourself to be strong after everything you've been through. You have exerted more effort to one cause than some people exert in their whole life. I think whatever decision is made will be right for you two. You deserve happiness no matter the form it comes in

Cindal · June 2013

First off I'm very sorry you've had to go through this much hell in your journey. The decision to stop ttc is a very personal one and it should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners.

My Dh and I have talked about what our stopping point will be several times. There are a lot of parameters involved but the big one for us is once IVF is our only option then we're done because IVF is not an option for us. I'd be willing to do up to 4 IUI and if they don't take I'm done. If Dh's sa doesn't improve by the end of the year, then we're done. If I had two miscarriages I know I would be done, I don't know how you've managed to keep on keeping on. But just because we'd be done ttc doesn't mean that my journey towards motherhood would end, the road I take would just be a different one as we would pursue adoption.

brookelynpaisley · June 2013

I would really recommend reading Sweet Grapes. We chose childfree as a resolution (not "giving up" - I hate that phrase) to our infertility about 18 months ago. Reading it really helped me work through some of the thoughts and questions I had about what a CF life could look like for us. I also saw a therapist to help talk through the grief and other feelings. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk - brookelynpaisley at gmail

ufsandra85 · June 2013

brookelynpaisley:
I would really recommend reading Sweet Grapes. We chose childfree as a resolution (not "giving up" - I hate that phrase) to our infertility about 18 months ago. Reading it really helped me work through some of the thoughts and questions I had about what a CF life could look like for us. I also saw a therapist to help talk through the grief and other feelings. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk - brookelynpaisley at gmail

Thank you. i really appreciate it. i am going to read that book. we have also talked about living child free and that is one of the things we are considering.

GermanGirl2007 · June 2013

First of all, I am so sorry that this has been a long and difficult journey for you. IF is painful, both mentally and physically, and it sounds as though you have experienced plenty of both.

I've definitely had my moments of considering how much is enough in terms of TTC. (In fact, I think I posted about it a couple of months ago). Unfortunately for us, cost is a factor. We don't have unlimited resources, so at some point, we will need to stop, baby or not. In addition to resources, I don't have the mental or emotional stamina to keep going with this beyond a certain point. For me, I feel like it would be more productive to start thinking about what life could be like child free. As much as I want a child of my own, my husband has already said that he could be happy if our family ended up just being the two of us, and a slew of nieces and nephews that we love. That was honestly a relief to me, and the beginning of me being able to think about the alternate reality from what I had envisioned.

At this point, I still have some energy to keep going, and am not totally at peace with the alternative, but I am getting there. GL to you, and sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Akiesha · June 2013

I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. I hope you guys can figure it out I don't know if I could make that decision. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

ttuprincess · June 2013

I am so sorry this journey has been so difficult for you guys and that you are now faced with the decision. I hope you and your husband are able to come to a decision that you are both comfortable with. Keeping you guys in my T&P.

BabyDustWish · June 2013

I am so sorry fertility has been so cruel to you! I can not imagine the pain you have felt, it is not something I have experienced in my own fertility journey.

Sending you all the love and patience I am capable of as you make this difficult decision.

jfb29 · June 2013

HUGE HUGS!!!! I have don't have any more advice for you than what the other ladies have given you thus far. I am so sorry you are at this point in your very tough journey. I hope that you and your DH can work this out and find your happiness, whatever that may be...

Cutiecruz327 · June 2013

I'm so sorry this has been such a tough journey for you. I send you many big hugs! My DH and I have talked, we will not be doing IVF. We have always said that we would like to adopt through the foster care system even if we had our own children. So many kids need a good home. Right now we are in a VERY small 2 bedroom home (just barely 800 sq. ft.). Its not enough space for an older child and a baby, so we can't do both at the same time. Due to loss in home value selling isn't an option and we are not at a place where we are ready to turn it into a rental property (hope fully in the next 2 years). We have decided that once we start treatments we will give it a year. If it doesn't look like a healthy pregnancy is possible, we will start the foster care program. If it is possible we will give it another 6 months before enrolling, once we have the bigger home we will definitely be doing both. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop trying for a biological child. I am staying positive because pregnancy or not we will have children in our home.

Want a personalized experience?

when to give up??

Re: when to give up??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards