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Stay at Home Moms
Mrs.Hizzo
member
If you are anti-gun, come in.
Mrs.Hizzo
member
Help me out with this. I am vehemently anti-gun. DH grew up in rural Kansas, and is not. Oddly (as he and I were just discussing) this never came up before we got married. He didn't own guns at the time, he's a well-educated professional, I just assumed he wasn't into them. He apparently assumed that because I knew he was from rural Kansas, of course it was a possibility that he would want to own guns in the future.
Fast-forward to a few years after we were married. His father gifted him with some antique rifles, and he bought a big honkin' gun safe for them. I didn't feel like I could say much about it, because they are essentially heirlooms. Then he got a handgun. I was pissed about this, I don't want one in the house, but it's never been out in my presence and he only takes it to the range to shoot now and then.
Tonight he mentioned something about buying a semi-automatic to go skeet shooting (or something) and I kind of lost it. Big not-quite-argument ensues. He wants it for sport, but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable having one here. He keeps stressing how safe the gun safe is, and the money (because we each get an "allowance" and he plans to take it out of his). I keep saying, you don't get it. It's nothing to do with that. It's the principle of the thing. I am uncomfortable with having these weapons in our home. It makes me uneasy. I feel like I have the right to express this and have my feelings considered, to some extent. I didn't say anything about the antique guns or the hand gun or the gun safe, but this is too much. I can't deal.
He doesn't get it. I tried equating it with the way a vegan would feel if they thought they were marrying another vegan and then their spouse suddenly said "I'm buying a pig and a deep freeze. It will be in the back corner of the garage, you never have to eat it or even see it, but it's there." He sort of got it, but not really. I'm not sure how else to explain how horribly uncomfortable this makes me in a way he'll understand?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you are anti-gun, come in.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I think you've been more than accommodating already!
Yikes. This would be a huge deal for me too. I honestly don't know if we talked about it before we got married, but I am VERY anti-gun..especially in my house, around my kids.
I totally agree with Amy when she said it is like a baby. If both people don't want one, you don't get one. I don't know. It seems like it started small enough, but it seems like this is going to be a thing for him (increasingly). UGH UGH UGH.
I am so sorry. I would never be okay with guns in my house against my wishes. I hope you 2 can figure this out.
1) OP - you assume that educated people do not own or use guns. WTF?!
2) PP that mentioned if someone broke in your house, you'd be arming them. WTF?! The guns he has are in a LOCKED gun safe. They are not laying on the kitchen counter.
I can say that my DH owns guns and a big asss gun safe too. My DH also mentioned at one time getting an AR-15 as well. I do not see the point in that. It is not used in hunting that he does. The only point he could make was to shoot coyotes which would be for sport.
I would throw a stink about the semi-automatic weapon because it is not necessary. Good Luck with your battle.
I was waiting for someone to bring that up.
It's not "all someone needs" but it's a start to increase a person's familiarity and understanding. Sure some people may never like it like some people don't like playing volleyball. I politely suggested it as a start to bring their perspectives slightly closer.
Yes, thank you, this is it. Hav, I don't give a flying you-know-what if he's hard-working and responsible. I have an issue with guns. I particularly have an issue with semi-automatics. I don't want one in my house. This is why I titled the post "if you are anti-gun." If you aren't anti-gun, more power to you, but butt the heck out.
And my last response goes to you, too.
1. Yes, that was my assumption before we got married.
2. I never suggested that.
While you may be unable to see letting this be a big issue to some of us it really is. Gun ownership goes against my core values and it would be a huge issue for me. I was upset when I found out DH shot a rifle at boy scout camp as a kid. I'm certainly not letting guns in my home. That's something a couple needs to agree on or it needs to stay out of their home, just like another child.
To answer some previous questions, no, we can't store them with my IL's. They live a state away. I asked if the shooting range didn't have a locker for this that he could rent, he says no.
Look, Folks-Who-Aren't-Anti-Gun-But-Wanted-To-Express-An-Opinion-Anyway, the point is not how safe my kids are (I believe they are), the point is that I DO NOT APPROVE OF GUNS AND YET THEY ARE IN MY HOME. The antique guns are pretty much my fault, I didn't make a big enough stink. The hand gun was purchased without my knowledge and I did make a stink, but it was already done and what was I going to do? The semi automatic is just kind of the last straw.
I agree that a semi automatic is a little overboard but guns are not the end of the world, especially when education is involved.
I didn't really get your vegan analogy either. Because of religious reasons I don't eat pork or seafood, that doesn't mean DH can't. Do I like it? No. But he's an adult that can make his own decisions. Do I like that our children may someday eat like he does? Nope, but it is part of life and loving people for who they are.
Compromise is part of marriage and its usually not the easy part.
I realize that, Hope. I never said he was duping me. I didn't ask, he didn't ask, both of us should have asked. We didn't ask, and here we are, which is why I'm asking opinions about how someone who is anti-gun would explain her stance to a pro-gun husband. Clearly this doesn't apply to you.
Maybe I ought to have used poultry....
I think any story about a semi-automactic and a pig is just going to end badly. Bacon anyone?
Oh and to whoever said they don't understand why a vegan would care if there was meat in their house...REALLY?
Me neither. Gun ownership is so far from the norm around here that it never would have occurred to me to ask. Nobody I know has a gun and owning one is a totally foreign concept around here. It's not something you discuss before marriage here because the default is no gun and people don't really consider owning them.
Same here. Why are you so against guns? Just curious. I use to be that way but have opened up since then. Dh took me to a shooting range and showed me how to use one and it was fun. Have you ever seen one? Maybe if you did your fear would lessen
Hizzo, it's now clear to me: you don't think guns are fun! Nothing a little shooting range action can't fix! Problem solved.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I'm pro-gun but anti-semi-automatic. That being said, owning a gun is a big responsibility, and buying one is something you both need to agree on. It would be like if you bought a new dog with your "allowance" without discussing it with him. You have already compromised on the ones he has, and now it is his turn. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'm not sure why he wants it anyway. You don't need one for shooting skeet.
also, PPs, OP never said she is afraid of guns. She is opposed to them on a moral level, and a course in gun safety is not going to change that.
Seriously, some of these responses are just ridiculous.
Hizzo, I am really sorry you have to deal with this. I would be LIVID. I am totally with Amy and penguin. I would have had a serious problem with even the antique guns. There is not a chance I could live in a house with a semi-automatic.
Also, the fact that he got the semi-automatic after you expressed clearly how you felt when the handgun came home, would really hurt me. He is not being fair at all, you have already compromised way more than I would have. GL
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
To me buying a gun is one of those "joint decisions". I would be absolutely angry if my DH bought a gun without me knowing. It's not like buying a pack of gum. there are background checks, etc. I am anti-gun. Have been my whole life. Suprisingly there are guns in my parents house, however they're unarmed and in a gun safe. there is no ammunition in the house. They were my grandfather's and my dad isn't into guns. He even lost the key to the safe.
Is there anyway he can get a gun and keep it elsewhere? I'm sure there are gun storage centers of some sort.
Everytime I read about a child getting hold of a gun I shudder. My start up page just had an article about a kid shooting his father. I just hate the "That won't happen to me" attitude. A gun in the home is a danger. Just because you think it's not accessible doesn't mean a thing. Sure there are plenty of safety precautions but kids can be determined.
FFS you people are killing me. First and formeost everyone lay close attention.
ALMOST EVERY DAMN GUNOUT THERE INCLUDING A HANDGUN IS A SEMIAUTOMATIC WEAPON EVERY SINGLE ONE!
there is a massive difference between a semi automatic and automatic.
The lack of education about guns is astounding. So many people in this post are so over focused on the semiautomatic weapon part. Just a PSA that they all are.
Second Hizzo love the educated professional dig. Cute! I know more educated professionals with guns than without. That was insulting and ridiculous.
That being said I am on your side. Gun ownership should involve both parties.iunderstand why you are uncomfortable with it. I was before we owned guns too. It took me years to come around.
Most vegans I know are so because they strongly stand up for animal rights and therefore won't buy or use any animal byproducts at all. This includes not eating meat, fish, dairy,eggs, etc and also means they don't wear or buy leather products. So if you married someone who you thought were vegan and you were vegan, it's unlikely you would be comfortable with a dead animal in your house . And if you married someone because you shared the same vegan values it would be a bitter pill to swallow if this person brought an animal carcass into your home with the intent to eat it.
Most vegetarians I know are either for religious reasons, are protesting how animals intended for meat are treated or just found they were eating less and less meat and one day stopped (I know two who just didn't like meat much and slowly cut it out). Those who aren't vegetarian for religious reasons often will cook meat for spouse/children, a few I know will eat small amounts of ethically cared for meat while nursing and/or pregnant if they feel they need it. The vegans I know don't want it in their homes.
Yeah, it really wasn't meant to be a dig. Gun ownership where I am is less than half of what it is in the South, and it isn't typically the people with advanced degrees who own them, at least in my experience. It was my assumption when we got married that more educated people were less likely to want an arsenal in their basement.
I don't love guns. I am not a gun fanatic and actually personally don't own one. My DH however does. He loves guns and is into them for sport. I totally understand where Hizzo is coming from and think her husband is dead wrong in this case.
I'm not a fan of guns, I would prefer to not have them in my house, but this is an area of compromise for me. DH was raised around guns. He owns two and keeps them safely (unloaded, trigger locks). I guess I've relaxed a bit over time because I've accepted that this is something that's important to my DH and it's not going to change.
If my DH were to suddenly say that he wanted to keep his guns in the house loaded and unlocked, I would freak out and insist that he not do that because I see that as an immediate safety concern. (I cannot imagine my DH ever saying this; he's also concerned for our family's safety.)
That's not the conversation at this point. Last night he casually mentioned his plans to do this, and I reacted negatively, and he just totally doesn't understand why. For him, it's all about the logistics (safety, money). He's having a really hard time wrapping his head around the pig (like some other posters in this thread). I seriously doubt he's going to go out and buy this gun if I tell him I'm 100% opposed, but I want him to understand where I'm coming from.
i don't get what there is to have to understand. Like a second kid or a puppy, if one person doesn't want one you don get one. A simple "I don't like guns. I compromised and let you have the ones you do have but that's it." Is sufficient IMO.