Natural haters

AbbeyGirlBride · June 2013

You know, I haven't gotten a lot of rude comments (besides "You sure you're not having twins?" etc.) but what's really starting to peeve me are all of the know-it-all people who the moment they hear "natural" or "Bradley" start to rant about how I can't or shouldn't do it.

Yes, I took classes on the Bradley Method. Yes, I'm trying to go drug-free. Shut up. I don't want to hear about plans can change, how I have to be flexible, how I just need to focus on getting baby out safely, just take the drugs, etc. Do you honestly think I don't know all of that? Do you think I'm going to put my kid at risk or push through some kind of intolerable pain just to say I did it my way?

How about some dang encouragement? How about - "That sounds like a great plan!" or "Your body can do it" or "Good luck!"

The next person who tells me I can't do it before I've even tried is egging for a smackdown.

(End rant.)

smittie417 · June 2013

I'm right there with you. I have stopped telling people my plans because I am sick of their negative responses. Same thing with cloth diapering...the "oh, you just wait" responses are so irritating. I get that I'm a FTM and things don't always go as planned...but it gets.old.fast.

TheTamedShrew · June 2013

I could repeat this same rant word for word. It's like "OH! So because plans can change, that means I shouldn't have a plan AT ALL and should have zero faith in my body's abilities?" So irritating...

gr8t2bamom · June 2013

You can do it!!!!!

ambah · June 2013

I say GO FOR IT!! My plan was to go natural, but if I needed drugs or whatever was needed to get my daughter out safely, I was fine with it. My labour was 11.5 hrs and I did 7.5 hours natural, but after going on no sleep, I hit a wall, and I felt the wall, so I got the epirdural (which for me sped up my dilation and lowered my blood pressure and made labour go much quicker). However I am quite proud of myself for going as long as I did, and women that do the whole process drug free is incredible. If you are focused and set your mind to it, YOU CAN DO IT!!! Best of luck and I hope your birth is everything you want.

jmaguilar5 · June 2013

Everyone and their mothers have their own opinion and they think you really want to hear it. It is so annoying. I, like a previous poster have stopped sharing details.

enuk2013 · June 2013

jmaguilar5:
Everyone and their mothers have their own opinion and they think you really want to hear it. It is so annoying. I, like a previous poster have stopped sharing details.

This. I've realized that birth is so intensely personal to women, and rightly so, but every woman believes they way she did it, whether natural or not, was the best and only way. And for some reason a lot of women feel like they're doing you a favor by sharing that. All we FTM natural mommas can do is prepare as best we can, surround ourselves with people we trust and go from there. And smile and nod at the naysayers while quietly seething inside!

ashlo618 · June 2013

I used to get those too, I stopped telling most people so I didn't have to deal with it. Now that I am on the other end and people find out that I had her med free, they say " that's amazing!" " great job!" People are so supportive now that it's done.

Try and not focus on the comments as annoying as they can be and..........you can do it! Good luck!!

MrsStubbs · June 2013

How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

jennkg3 · June 2013

Use your frustration to prove them wrong. I remember with dd not wanting to cave just because so many people said I was crazy and it couldn't be done.

kristinrae914 · June 2013

MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

Yes

sweetbabypea · June 2013

MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

You must be lucky. I get asked pretty much by everyone, and I don't prompt the conversation. Maybe I've just got nosey people in my life?

AbbeyGirlBride · June 2013

MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

I don't normally go around announcing our plans to people who don't ask. For me, it came up because I had to mention my class in lots of conversations (8 sessions, so especially at work - "Have to leave early - have another birth class tonight"). Some people asked why so many classes instead of the usual 3-4 hour birth prep class, others straight up asked if we were using drugs, others casually asked if I was doing Lamaze... all sorts of ways.

Today I got set off because an acquaintance was offering me a nursing pillow and when she told me hers was better than a Boppy, I wrote back "my Bradley instructor said the same thing." My mistake. She's a nurse and told me she knows I "already have my mind made up but to stay flexible," etc.etc. Dude - let me have the pillow or don't - but I don't need another lecture.

I know things happen. For goodness sakes, we went through nearly all of the reasons someone might need medical intervention - I know there are things that won't be under my control. But having a game plan in place that I've prepared for to the best of my ability is also my way of psyching myself up for one of the most challenging things I'm ever going to do. It helps ease my fears and makes me feel ready. I just get upset when people want to rain on that.

Next time they're getting ready for one of those marathons or charity walks I feel like being there at the starting line saying "you know, this is really hard and I know you've made your mind up but there's no reason you need to do this the hard way..."

AbbeyGirlBride · June 2013

BTW - thanks for all of the encouraging comments. I just needed a place where I could vent about this, and it's nice to see so many mommas who understand.

Good luck to everyone who's still waiting for their LO to arrive - whatever your birth plan is!

MissDei · June 2013

MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

Oh I've had random strangers tell me to take whatever drugs they offer me because of the horror stories they've heard. Smh. Others ask if I'm Going natural or taking the drugs. Its gotten old.

Momtobe618 · June 2013

Totally understand. I get people laughing at me all the time, even my OB chuckled. It totally irks me that they can just say "Good for you".

ssemovsk · June 2013

People always ask ' so are u going all natural' in which I reply, that is my plan but if it doesn't happen, I won't make myself feel guilty. Some ppl put in their 2 cents, others don't. It drives me nuts sometimes but what can ya do? At the end of the day we are all strong women and labor is one day ok maybe 2 or 3 but we are gonna be mothers forever! I think we are all bad no matter what

hst · June 2013

That happened to me a lot with my first, I just stopped talking to people about it, with this pregnancy no one has really asked, I guess it's a FTM thing. FWIW, I did it!

megaroo64 · June 2013

ashlo618:
I used to get those too, I stopped telling most people so I didn't have to deal with it. Now that I am on the other end and people find out that I had her med free, they say " that's amazing!" " great job!" People are so supportive now that it's done. Try and not focus on the comments as annoying as they can be and..........you can do it! Good luck!!nbsp;

This is my experience as well!! Pre birth I got all kinds of doubters, but now that the baby is here, and came entirely natural, those doubters are singing a different tune! You can do it mama!! Good luck and ignore the haters!

BLT20051 · June 2013

I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.

MdWestMom · June 2013

I saw a t-shirt for a toddler that said "my Mom doesn't want your parenting advice"...made me want a maternity shirt with a speech bubble from the unborn that says "My Mom doesn't want your birth advice." I've even had MEN give me their opinions (based on wife's labor)....seriously???

Have heard the same negativity you have, over & over. Some people act as if I have "something to prove"...ya...I just can't wait for all that pain! It has nothing to do with 9 months of researching the complications related to epidurals & various drugs....nope...I just like the S&M side of it...(sigh)....

We're going natural too...hypnobabies & a doula & midwife. I think women's bodies are made to do the birth thing, so congrats for trying Bradley & hope you have an easy birth!

MdWestMom · June 2013

MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

You must be extraordinarily lucky....ever fourth comment I get (from strangers in checkout line to people on metro train) entails at least one of the following rude questions/remarks: (1) Was it planned? (2) Are you sure you are having just one? or comments about size (3) Are you going to get pain meds? Usually followed by some horrific birth story and/or warning about L&D.

MdWestMom · June 2013

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.

It is technically correct to call a med-free birth "natural"..the term was coined by Grantly-*** Reed in his 1930s book Natural Childbirth. The accepted meaning specifically refers to NO ANESTHETIC or surgical intervention, so a birth using an epidural is NOT "natural" according to Reed. You had a "vaginal" birth, and honestly, to tell people yours was "natural" is misleading/confusing. Same as organic means no chemicals (it doesn't mean the apple isn't an apple, it means its a non-chemical apple). You had a "vaginal birth" with an epidural..still equally as hard & impressive as a "natural birth"....congrats!!!

BLT20051 · June 2013

MdWestMom:
Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.
It is technically correct to call a med-free birth "natural"..the term was coined by Grantly-*** Reed in his 1930s book Natural Childbirth. The accepted meaning specifically refers to NO ANESTHETIC or surgical intervention, so a birth using an epidural is NOT "natural" according to Reed. You had a "vaginal" birth, and honestly, to tell people yours was "natural" is misleading/confusing. Same as organic means no chemicals (it doesn't mean the apple isn't an apple, it means its a non-chemical apple). You had a "vaginal birth" with an epidural..still equally as hard & impressive as a "natural birth"....congrats!!!

Meh. I disagree and frankly a book from the 30s won't change my mind.

kaleyandjason · June 2013

How about you just don't tell them? If they ask your plans, say they are still under construction. Say you have no plan except to have a healthy baby. They will be none the wiser. Then you don't have to hear their opinion. Tada.

BabyShanteau · June 2013

kaleyandjason:
How about you just don't tell them? If they ask your plans, say they are still under construction. Say you have no plan except to have a healthy baby. They will be none the wiser. Then you don't have to hear their opinion. Tada.

This. I don't understand the problem with even saying, "that's a personal choice that my partner and I have chosen to keep private." or "that's not any of your business." or if you do tell them and get the same response say, "Why do you ask if you're just going to advice that I've not asked for?"

Honestly, if it p!sses you off that badly, quit telling people.

lioness13 · June 2013

I don't tell many people either. If I do and they start being negative I just change the subject. I realize that not everyone can have an open mind.

kristinrae914 · June 2013

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.

This. Oddly...the only person who has asked me is the young girl that works at CVS. LoL She asked if I had a "natural" birth with DD1 to which I answered; "Yes. Well...I had an epi but it was still NATURAL." But I hate the term "natural". Did I have a natural migraine because I chose to suffer through without my Rx? Not the same...but still.....

kristinrae914 · June 2013

MeghanKG:
MdWestMom:
Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.
It is technically correct to call a med-free birth "natural"..the term was coined by Grantly-*** Reed in his 1930s book Natural Childbirth. The accepted meaning specifically refers to NO ANESTHETIC or surgical intervention, so a birth using an epidural is NOT "natural" according to Reed. You had a "vaginal" birth, and honestly, to tell people yours was "natural" is misleading/confusing. Same as organic means no chemicals (it doesn't mean the apple isn't an apple, it means its a non-chemical apple). You had a "vaginal birth" with an epidural..still equally as hard & impressive as a "natural birth"....congrats!!!
You, dear, are an asssss hat. Xoxo.

Ouch! LoL But yeah...a book from the 30's might be a little dated by now..... Wink

lioness13 · June 2013

sweetbabypea:
MrsStubbs:
How does a plan for birth get brought up in many conversations? I don't think I've ever been asked what my plan was other than my doc.

You must be lucky. I get asked pretty much by everyone, and I don't prompt the conversation. Maybe I've just got nosey people in my life?

Ditto. Lots of curious people. I am surprised by how often I am asked.

kgb-13 · June 2013

I agree with those who have suggested to keep quiet about plans. Other than H and my OB, I've told my mom and some close friends who have asked. I knew they would all be supportive. If someone asked and I wasn't fairly confident they would be supportive then I have no problem saying: still working on it, or game time decision, etc. it's not their business so why should I tell nosey people?

kgb-13 · June 2013

kristinrae914:
MeghanKG:
MdWestMom:
Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.
It is technically correct to call a med-free birth "natural"..the term was coined by Grantly-*** Reed in his 1930s book Natural Childbirth. The accepted meaning specifically refers to NO ANESTHETIC or surgical intervention, so a birth using an epidural is NOT "natural" according to Reed. You had a "vaginal" birth, and honestly, to tell people yours was "natural" is misleading/confusing. Same as organic means no chemicals (it doesn't mean the apple isn't an apple, it means its a non-chemical apple). You had a "vaginal birth" with an epidural..still equally as hard & impressive as a "natural birth"....congrats!!!

You, dear, are an asssss hat. Xoxo.
Ouch!  LoL  But yeah...a book from the 30's might be a little dated by now.....

So if you go medfree but have an episiotomy does that make it no longer 'natural?' It's confusing for many reasons. Medfree is not confusing. Vaginal or csection is not confusing. I personally think its easier to communicate in the leastpotentiallyconfusing way possible.

kread8 · June 2013

MeghanKG:
MdWestMom:
Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
I hate when people refer to med free births as natural births. Yes I had an epidural but baby still came naturally out of my vagina. My birth was natural just not med free.
It is technically correct to call a med-free birth "natural"..the term was coined by Grantly-*** Reed in his 1930s book Natural Childbirth. The accepted meaning specifically refers to NO ANESTHETIC or surgical intervention, so a birth using an epidural is NOT "natural" according to Reed. You had a "vaginal" birth, and honestly, to tell people yours was "natural" is misleading/confusing. Same as organic means no chemicals (it doesn't mean the apple isn't an apple, it means its a non-chemical apple). You had a "vaginal birth" with an epidural..still equally as hard & impressive as a "natural birth"....congrats!!!

You, dear, are an asssss hat. Xoxo.

Yeah seriously. That wasn't condescending at all....

JCNFM · June 2013

4 years ago when I had my daughter she was my first. I was so excited that I wa having a home birth I was telling everyone I could about it. I started to get the rude comments from friends and some family saying I was crazy. When I went to meet the doctor we ha picked for her he told me all the bad stuff that could happen and I would die. I was 21 and scared out of my mind. I left feeling like I was wrong for wanting this so I talked to my husband. He was so loving and caring and told me I could do it and I did!! She was 8lbs 1oz. My son was born 2 years later 8lbs 14oz and now I'm expecting our third. You can do it!!!!!

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