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New here

yayamagyayamag member
in Single Parents

So this is my first time posting on the single board. This is kind of a lot of going on and I just need some advice.

 My ex and I started dating when I moved up to Northern California, I thought we were making progress on getting together until I found out I was pregnant. He kind of pulled a 180 on me and that day was the last of our relationship. At first he was a big jerk and really didn't want anything to do with things, he was insistent on me having an abortion and pissed when I wouldn't have one. It took a few months for him to come around but he finally did. Now he is excited about his son and loves him very much but sometimes he just doesn't get that he isn't all that involved as he thinks he is.

 We are trying to work things out on our own and I am having a hard time. We are still friends and he  has tried to show me he is going to be there.

We both intend to move back to LA after 3 years because both our families are there and we want our son to grow up around them, but we need to gain more experience in our careers first. There are a few things in the meantime that I am just not sure I am making the best decisions over:

1) We have talked about buying a house together. I can't afford it on my own nor do I have the credit to purchase a home. Both our names would go on the title. He will not live there but will be paying part of the mortgage.

2) (goes with 1) since he is contributing to the mortgage, plus his own rent we decided to lower his child support in the meantime. We agreed to $250 plus $400 for the mortgage while we have the house, after that it will be $550. When we sell the house we will split it 50%. We are splitting all major expenses such as the rest of daycare, medical expenses etc.

3) He works for a company that contributes to childcare. They will give us $3500/year on the condition that he claims him on his taxes. This is where I have my biggest issue. We had agreed that due to my lowering child support and him being able to claim the house that I would get to claim our son. I don't know if I am ok with this. 

Anybody have any advice? I trust him very much but at the same time I have been very hurt by him and I feel like my judgement may be lacking. I just don't know what to do.  This is all just happening so fast and our son will be born in less 3 months so I just feel like we need to have all this sorted out before then.

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Re: New here

  • SplashingFishySplashingFishy member
    Personally, I'm not sure it's a good idea to buy a house you plan on selling in 3 years, especially when the goal is to move out of the area.

    When you sell, you will need to pay commission to both realtors, and that is usually 6 plus you need to pay taxes, etc so if you house doesn't appreciate much in 3 years you will lose money. On top of that, if your move to LA becomes dependen on selling the house, you may feel trapped if it doesn't sell quickly.
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  • MomToNeenersMomToNeeners member

    imageSplashingFishy:
    Personally, I'm not sure it's a good idea to buy a house you plan on selling in 3 years, especially when the goal is to move out of the area. When you sell, you will need to pay commission to both realtors, and that is usually 6 plus you need to pay taxes, etc so if you house doesn't appreciate much in 3 years you will lose money. On top of that, if your move to LA becomes dependen on selling the house, you may feel trapped if it doesn't sell quickly.

    I agree with his and also over the child care, where did you hear that info on his company? I would verify it. I wouldn't just jump into things because they sound good. I would do more homework and go through hypothetical situations to ensure you don't have surprises if things don't go as planned. 

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  • yayamagyayamag member
    Thank you, my mother is actually out realtor so we don't have to worry about that. We have considered the options about it not selling and we agreed to just rent it out if worse comes to worse. I also did see the paper work from his company that does state he has to claim the baby for us to get the 3500, I just don't know if it will be worth it in the long run.
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  • tracy41tracy41 member
    I am confused as to why you need a house if you're moving in 3 years. I wouldn't buy one with that kind of turnaround unless you wanted investment property in the area anyway. And most support orders are going to require him to pay 50 percent of childcare costs regardless so why should he claim a child he is not the primary caregiver for? I agree with PP, talk to a lawyer and get the custody and support paperwork handled in court.
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  • MomToNeenersMomToNeeners member
    That much money for day care really isn't a lot. I say that because I paid more than that for my DD's day care while I was in nursing school for just a semester. I wouldn't let him claim her. As long as you use a licensed day care that has a tax number then you can claim her and get money back for daycare, or at least that's what I'm able to do. I would check with an accountant just to be safe.
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