Meal train question

MagickalNarwhal · June 2013

We are expecting baby #2 in a month and my cousin really really wants to do a meal train for us. She is not in my social circle so she is asking me to get her everyone's email address. Last time we had SO many people bring a meal by and I was so grateful and thrilled, but I feel weird and presumptuous sending her people's emails (basically signing them up to do it, even though the email would be mega no-pressure/completely optional). Not sure how to go about this. She offered to post on my FB wall but no one would see it unless they go right to my page, which no one does. I have a very disparate social group so people wouldn't share it by word of mouth.

Do I just wait until people ask?

RachieTK · June 2013

In theory, it is a sweet idea, but not if you have to give out email addressd. I think it would only work for someone within a social circle to organize.

queenbone · June 2013

Is this one of those things when someone coordinates people bringing you meals post baby via a website?

One of my friend's friends did that after my friend's first baby. I thought it was such a great idea and not offended at all to receive the email from her friend whom I didn't know. I don't see how this is much different than receiving an invitation to a baby shower hosted by a friend's friend whom you don't know.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

I don't know. I mean you're just having a baby, no one has passed away. I think if someone wants to bring you a meal, they will:) I don't think any e-mails need to be sent.

carlieanddanwedding · June 2013

I think as long as this is coming from your cousin and not you, this is fine. I wouldn't be offended in this situation, and would be grateful that someone else (besides me!) is organizing it! That said, you know your friends best - if you think they would feel offended or pressured, don't do it.

mrsmcdonald · June 2013

Estwd2:
I wouldn't have any issue receiving an email from someone I already knew, like my cousin. So if she keeps it to just her family members, I'd think it's fine. I wouldn't give her email addresses of people she doesn't know. I'd find that odd.

I agree that it would be fine from a family member, but I would feel a little put on the spot if I got it from a complete stranger. I wouldn't want my email given to someone I didn't know with the purpose of trying to get something from me. If I'm that close to you, I'd bring you a meal without some type of coordinated event. If you get too many meals on one day (which would be a nice problem to have), just put them in the freezer.

tinystormcloud · June 2013

I wouldn't be offended at all. But why can't your cousin give you the link and you can post it to your own Facebook? Then it would show up on your friends' newsfeed rather than them having to come to your wall to look at it. Or you can send a giant email to everyone you think might be able to help and just say your cousin is organizing a meal train for you and to please contact her if you want access to the organizing website. That way the email is coming from you instead of your cousin and they can contact her themselves if they want. Just a couple ideas.

SingleMom31 · June 2013

tinystormcloud:
I wouldn't be offended at all. But why can't your cousin give you the link and you can post it to your own Facebook? Then it would show up on your friends' newsfeed rather than them having to come to your wall to look at it. Or you can send a giant email to everyone you think might be able to help and just say your cousin is organizing a meal train for you and to please contact her if you want access to the organizing website. That way the email is coming from you instead of your cousin and they can contact her themselves if they want. Just a couple ideas.

Please don't do this. Soliciting people to sign up by sending your own email and posting it on FB seems gift grabby to me. I'd majorly side eye this.

tinystormcloud · June 2013

Really? I totally disagree (obviously I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise). Especially if it was just said - my cousin is organizing this and I didn't want to just give her people's email addresses without their permission. If you think you might want or be able to help out in this way, contact her. I guess I also don't see stating your needs and asking for assistance to be gift-grabby as long as there is no passive-aggressiveness involved or guilt-tripping. I actually prefer when people straight up tell me what would be supportive to them so I don't have to guess and then do something that actually doesn't feel supportive to them. If I can't or don't want to do anything, I don't sign up. It would seem much more "gift-grabby" to me to get an email from someone I didn't know stating that I was all set up to sign up for a meal - at least if the OP asks friends to contact their cousin if they're interested, it's an "opt-in" type situation. Working out logistics of communication around a meal train certainly seems pretty normal to me. I guess it will just depend on your community whether this comes across strangely or not.

mrsmcdonald · June 2013

A novel idea would be to plan ahead. Since you know you're having a baby, why not cook your own meals ahead of time and stick them in the freezer, instead of trying to solicit your friends for food? If they want to bring you something, they will. They don't need some prompt from a stranger to do so. I think posting anything about it on Facebook looks really bad, even if you say it's coming from someone else.

MagickalNarwhal · June 2013

mrsmcdonald:
A novel idea would be to plan ahead. Since you know you're having a baby, why not cook your own meals ahead of time and stick them in the freezer, instead of trying to solicit your friends for food? If they want to bring you something, they will. They don't need some prompt from a stranger to do so. I think posting anything about it on Facebook looks really bad, even if you say it's coming from someone else.

Oh thanks! I hadn't thought of that!

MagickalNarwhal · June 2013

I don't have any family here but my cousin. The main thing I am trying to avoid is managing a lot of people who want to stop by and meet the baby in the early weeks. I think it was the main mistake that I made last time - SO many people came by and stayed for so long, and I don't want to spend my energy doing that again this time. I'm super grateful for meals that people offer but I would rather not get them if it's going to be another big social thing that I have to coordinate (people calling or texting asking when a good time to come over is, etc...)

But if people want to bring a meal then they will hopefully ask about doing it and I can direct them to my cousin then.

PrimRoseMama · June 2013

Asbromle:
I don't know.nbsp; I mean you're just having a baby, no one has passed away.nbsp; I think if someone wants to bring you a meal, they will:nbsp; I don't think any emails need to be sent.

Agree.

Lexi101 · June 2013

Wow I guess I'm the odd man out here. Where did our sense of community go? I think this is why so many .woman suffer PPD and other things....our society has put such a stigma on reaching out for help. They make it seem like if we aren't super moms planning ahead and making meals and keeping a spotless house and doing everything ON OUR OWN that we aren't good enough.
I think it's as simple as this....send out emails, or post it to your own wall. If people want to sign up they will. If they don't fine. And if there are people who think you are needy or gift grabby they can SHOVE IT! I mean I would only want people in my life who support me and don't judge me for reaching out.

I personally have had meal trains set up for me and have set up meal trains for other people. I've also gotten an email for meal trains that I haven't participated in. I didn't feel guilty for not bringing them a meal. And I certainly didn't feel like they were being rude or needy. We should be helping each other out for pete sakes. I thanked everyone who brought me a meal and it felt great to know that they cared enough to do it.

Just do it and screw what everyone else thinks. You'll be thankful for the meals when baby number 2 comes. AND if you do make other meals ahead of time and freeze them you'll get to save them for when your extra tired and don't have anyone reaching out after the initial new baby phase.

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