How to stop obsessing...

StacyLH24 · June 2013

Hi everyone! I haven't been on here in about 6 months. At the time, my wife, C, and I were planning on ttc earlier this year. Then, we decided we weren't ready yet and I disconnected from all things baby related. Well, about two weeks ago, baby fever started to hit me and it has hit hard! Last night, C informed me that she is ready now as well. It seems like I have instantly started obsessing again. Any suggestions on how I can keep it under control?

The eager part of me would start next month if C agrees. Realistically though, I should lose at least a little more weight first and start tracking my cycle again. We haven't sat down yet to discuss when we are going to start ttc, but I would like to shoot for September. In the meantime, I'm afraid I'm going to drive myself and her crazy!

Thanks!

mollykelley · June 2013

Hi Stacy, I just wanted to say you are not alone and it is normal to feel obsessive about the whole process. There is so much to learn and so many variables. I got the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility so I could delve in and learn more about my body. That was helpful. Until my fertility took charge of me and I needed medical interventions to get pregnant.

My wife thinks I'm obsessed. She jokes that she is going to join the bump and post here with the subject: "WWYD: My wife is always on TB". If anyone sees that post, just ignore it! It is MUD!! ;-)

After gathering so much information, spending time on the bump, and obsessing some more, I realized I wasn't going to get pregnant through obsessing. I made use of all the resources available to me through my work and insurance (employee assistance program). I started doing weekly massages, bi-weekly acupuncture, talk therapy and a guided meditation class. I realized the obsession was a lot about wanting to control the whole process and I had to learn how to let go.

Now since all parenthood for us is planned parenthood, just sitting back and relaxing doesn't work. Try to find a balance of informing yourself and taking actions that are good for your overall health and try to stay positive in your thinking. And use us for support! All the best!

lbugher · June 2013

"Try to find a balance of informing yourself and taking actions that are good for your overall health and try to stay positive in your thinking."

What MollyKelley said!

I'm in the thick of obsession right now, too. And I'm also worried about my weight. I lurk around on this site, if it helps:

https://www.yourplussizepregnancy.com/

I think it's possible to be obese and still have a healthy, happy pregnancy. It's more about how well you take care of yourself than the number on the scale. I try to focus on getting some exercise in every day, eat plenty of fresh fruits and veggies in a wide variety of colors, and take prenatal vitamins and fish oil supplements. My numbers are all good (fats are normal, blood sugar is normal, and BP is normal). I want to focus on keeping those numbers good and stable rather than worrying about the number on the scale.

I've been fat my whole life. I think I'll look into the Lap Band when I'm done having kids. I asked my physician if she thought it would be a good idea to ge a Lap Band before getting pregnant and she gave me an emphatic "no" due to concerns over getting enough nutrition to my baby.

But once the kids are popped out I can maybe get a band. I'd love to lose weight but good lord, is it hard.

In any case, enjoy your research! I think it can be fun check out sperm donors and look at different cryobanks. Get some OPKs and start a chart. It can be frustrating, but it's also pretty interesting, too.

laynesmomma · June 2013

Sometimes I think that allowing yourself to do and feel whatever it is is most important. It is such an overwhleming process and it is easy to judge yourself for feeling too excited or not exctied enough or being too focused... I say its all good! Enjoy the energy and excitement! Good luck!!!

StacyLH24 · June 2013

Mollykelley - You hit it on the head! My obsession is about wanting to control the entire situation! Obviously there is only so much I can control and I realize that. I'm going to try and just stay focused on what I can do now, before we actually start trying. I'm afraid that once we do start trying, that will be another whole obsession issue. I'm guessing that is normal though

For now we are going to be busy working out the details with our donor. I spoke with a lawyer today to figure out what we need to do legally. That put a little of my mind at ease. When I was obsessing 6 months ago, I was able to find a lot of information and make a lot of different decisions. This time around I don't feel so overwhelmed at least.

Thank you all for your input. It is always good to know that you aren't alone!

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