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September 2012 Moms
FFFC The Judgemental Wankers Edition
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC The Judgemental Wankers Edition
Newt? Chill.
I have to come to her defense. We talk OB daily. What she said about food stamps is flame worthy I understand the frustration of people not being patient in the grocery store. I go through than when we buy formula. I don't think Newt meant to come across the way she did and she got defensive when she was flames I get it. But she is not the way she is being portrayed. She isn't too proud or on a high horse.
I felt the need to come to her defense. We've both gone through some rough times the past few months and she is going through one now.
I've started mixing it with her oatmeal so she gets used to the taste. I also give her some in a sippy at lunch. Not her favorite, but I'm hoping it makes the transition easier...
Mathlete is joining the FB?!
SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!11!!!!1!!11!1!!!
Emilia Antoinette
10.03.12 at 41w5d
I feel the EXACT same way. I make fun of the guys who do that stuff to try to make myself feel better. I'm ridiculous.
Couldn't have said it better myself! Hugs to Momtobe and ginger. I know the feeling about a FIL. DH's dad died when he was 14. He sounded like an incredible man and I would have loved to have met him. I know that if he were around my MIL would be a totally different person.
I'm saving this to use in the future.
LOL! It's totally possible I did. I am always backward these days.
TGIF.
I was trying to figure out to respond to this, and I agree with you Beans. My MIL isn't really crazy, but she definitely has her issues and the way I react (and the way MH reacts too), doesn't help. It's something we could work on, but I guess my FFFC is that I just really don't want to right now.
ETA: fixed a sentence.
Confession: I love BFing about 95% of the time, but there are days I really, really wish DD had been formula fed from the getgo and could take a bottle so I could be away from her for more than a few hours.
And then I feel like a major a$$hat for wanting time apart from my child that badly.
I have a food addiction. When I go to a nearby town or out of town the thing i think about is what food place is near there and what they have that I want.
For example....I drove to a tourney recently...about thirty minutes away...all i could think about was the best apple pie and waffles ive ever eaten. (Machine Shed FYI). I do this practically everywhere i go. Glad I am broke because i would have totally bought one and eaten it for a week straight...and possibly in my car on the way to work to hide from DH.
I also eat when bored..happy...sad..stressed...etc.
The way I see it, the processes for petitioning and ceasing registration are there for a reason. If you help people navigate the process successfully, there's nothing wrong with that. If people have an issue that sex offenders can do this, they should be writing their lawmakers, not getting upset with you for working with the rules that exist.
This is what I was thinking. While I don't judge people for what they have or don't have whether on assistance or not I will judge you if you can't buy your child formula BUT you drive a brand new Edge. Isn't that right Newt? If I remember correctly that is! Also wasn't your H buying a nice very new truck?
Have you been diagnosed by a licensed clinician? I worked at an intensive outpatient eating disorder clinic for 4 years. What you described above is an unhealthy relationship with food, not a food addiction.
If you drove out of your way to obtain the food because you couldn't stop thinking about it, if you blew off work responsibilities or family commitments to get the food, if you sold something you own or scrounged for change to buy the food despite being broke, if you couldn't sleep until you went and got it...THEN you might have a food addiction.
(Not at all saying that Newt didn't go overboard and should probably come back and apologize)
I've been on WIC and foodstamps and state insurance before. Twice. Each time was only for a few weeks to a few months (thank goodness) and it was crazy embarrassing, but super necessary to our family.
I toooooootally get her saying she doesn't qualify for aid even though she is broke. BTDT a bazillion times. I'm still paying off debt from my stupid first marriage. Our finaid payments are almost as much as our rent. We have a bunch of medical debt. Etc etc etc. Several times when we've struggled people have asked about aid and my answer has been the same (without the blowing up and all caps).
Also, I don't *at all* judge someone for scrounging for change for a coffee and donut on a bad day. If it were donut OR formula? Sure. But it wasn't.
Something I'm crazy not proud of: As of June 1st we don't have insurance until September 1st. I spent a whole day crying about it this week and the rest of the week has been panicky. I'm calling her doctor today to see if I can get some discount for her 9m appointment or only bring her in to get her 6m shots that she didn't get at 6m or something...I'm having to cancel DS's ENT appointment to make sure he doesn't have lasting damage from his ear drum rupturing. I'm so afraid of something going horribly wrong in the next few months, and no we don't qualify for aid.
Unrelated: DH has already given Hazel almond milk once when I was gone. It makes more sense to me at her age to give a little bit of almond milk here and there when most of her nutrition is still BM then to introduce nasty dairy/soy free formula this late in the game when the need is still very small.
I really hate using someone's vehicle to determine their financial status. You can be all good financially, buy a new car and a few months later go through a hardship that changes your financial situation. It's not exactly easy to unload a car you are making payments On without ending up upside down.
No, I think that's reasonable. I get mad at myself for not trying to get L more comfortable with a bottle, but it is what it is. I think those moments of wishing are totally normal. For me, I find that I'm ultimately ok with being so needed for the next little while. If I wasn't ok with it than we'd figure something else out.
I guess this is how I feel about the whole is it unhealthy for mom to never be away from baby debate. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by not spending much time away for this stage. But I also don't think the other approach is wrong either. What's important is recognizing what you need, what your LO and family needs, and finding ways to balance all of those needs so that everyone is happy.
And puppies and rainbows for all!!!!
I completely understand that HOWEVER if you are car poor to begin with then you shouldn't have the car in the first place. Just because you can afford the payments doesn't mean you can afford the car. And if this wasn't Newt then I retrack my statement from above but my point is that you shouldn't be driving a brand new car and yet you can't afford your child's formula.
It's sad to come to that realization, isn't it? It's the same way with my younger brother and me. We're just two completely different people with nothing in common other than blood. I wish we could have a loving sibling relationship, but it's just not going to happen and it took me 30-ish years to realize that. The only ways we stay connected are through my parents and through my nephews (his three sons).
I'm not gonna quote because the quote trees are ridiculous to look at on mobile.
re: the couponing/EBT comment: I use coupons all the time and I just act pleasant with the people behind me because I know I take a while. I sincerely doubt the man even noticed/cared that you (Newt) were buying formula. It sounds like you are sad about BFing not working out, and you felt hurt that he was judging you/impatient with you as you bought food for your child (that you wish you didn't have to buy).
And I'm so sick of the "I'm so much better because I don't need help" attitude. We have no idea what kind of people they are based on how they pay at the store. I hope people don't judge me when I'm only buying snack foods because I bought my other groceries at a different store last week. Or when I use my credit card because I pay it off every week and just like rewards points. Or the guy on his roof who can't do his other job. Or the people who don't look handicapped using the handicapped spot.
Shopping doesn't equal self worth, and I wish people would stop equating the two.
I also think it's super crappy to be all "I don't judge how you buy your food, but I judge you for buying purses/cars/other objects." It doesn't make you a better person for making your assumptions about something other than food.
I'm feisty this morning.
ITA, jjbeans. My MIL is neurotic as all get out, but she's not going to change so I have to change my reaction to it.
Nothing to do with Newt, but you can get a car with shiitty credit. People can get financed with 5 delinquent accounts, a bad credit score, a home in foreclosure proceedings, etc. They just get a horrible horrible interest rate and end up paying 3x the price of the car when all is said and done.
Again just because you can afford the payment doesn't mean you can afford the car. I don't care if she has a new car, a beater what the he!l ever but if you have no money in your checking account and you are using a CC to pay for the groceries and formula then you shouldn't be judging the person next to you using food stamps. Obviously the guy needed them and even though Newt can't qualify that doesn't make her any better. Heck the guy next to her could have all the best credit in the world but no job. He's taking advantage of a system put in place for those that need it and aren't going into incredible debt to save face.
+1
Not always. My DH can't buy a car because his credit is shot from Student loans and poor financial planning when he was younger.
I agree 'Not Always', but H sells cars and is continually amazed by the people who get financing.
I'm not trying to use a low blow I was simply trying to make a point. I guess it wasn't necessarily directed at Newt, honest. I got a bit stabby remembering the car thing and that was the first thing that came to mind. "People in general" I think do this all the time and it's just dumb. They try to act like they are better than the person next to them using food stamps all the while those people are probably financially better off than them. They are stuck with payments they can't necessarily afford and when something happens their SOL. It's sad and stupid all wrapped in one. I do feel bad for her and feel like her reaction stemmed from her wanting to still BF but can't anymore. I think she was riding on her emotions about that at the time and in turn judged the guy next to her using food stamps. My guess is that the guy never even noticed it was formula and was just impatient! ::rambling::
Exactly. And the car payment isn't the only expense that factors into affording a car. Sure, maybe you can cover the $300 a month car payment, but it's a fast sports car that costs $200 a month to insure. Or, a gas guzzling truck that costs $100 to fill up every week, KWIM?
Just because you can get a loan doesn't mean you can afford the payment.
Agree! I'm continually amazed by what people "have" but what they can't afford. DH works at the largest employer in our county. He does make very decent money however the amount of stuff people have that work there is ridiculous! Boat, brand new truck, new/newer home, ATV's, motorcycle. The list goes on. They can afford the payment but god forbid something happen their job they would be screwed!
That is their decision and their problem if that happens and it is not your place to judge them.
Edited: Wording
Agreed. And furthermore, you don't know what their salary is, how much they have saved, if they may have inherited millions or won the lottery. You're basing this judgement on your own personal finances and your DH's salary. How do you know they even NEED to work at all?
Oh definitely not judging like I said, more amazed. DH is in a new department and one of the guys said he might be moved to another location (union job.) If that happens he has to sell his new truck. Huh? I just find it interesting sometimes and totally their decision. As long as it doesn't effect me or my family, spend away!
I think that this is different because her spending does affect you. If I lend someone money (or a house in this case, how nice of you guys) and they go blow their money instead of fulfilling their commitment to me, I certainly have more of a right to be concerned about it.
Yuck I would be too! Sorry this is happening. Has YH said anything to her about it? Touchy subject of family/money I know!
Let me first say I know it's not a competition.
I got a little excited when I found out DD's cousin is giving her mom a hard time with finger foods. I have been told was that she is 'very advanced' from day one and that DD is 'behind'. Neither is true, the girls are a month apart they are both meeting milestones within normal ranges and thriving. It was just nice to find out that my family considers DD to be 'good' at somthing.
Does your nanny stay late and help you do dinner and bedtime? It is always so much easier for me when my parents come over and play with the kids while I cook dinner and then my mom helps with bath and reads to James while I put Leo to bed. On the nights they don't come over and DH is traveling, I have to use Caillou as the babysitter when I put Leo down.