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Two Under 2
gajumper
member
Dealing with older child acting out when baby arrives...
gajumper
member
in Two Under 2
My boys are 18 months apart...the youngest is now 3 weeks old.
Before he was born I worked full time and Jr was in daycare 5 days a week. Since I came home from the hospital he has been home with me and his brother. The first week went ok, he pretty much ignored the baby and I had no real behavioral issues. Now, the wheels have fallen off of the bus.
I think jealousy is setting it, along with anger towards me as he ONLY acts out when I am around. He has started hitting me and saying "NO" when I am holding the baby, or when I wont pick him up right away. If I don't cater to his every whim (which I tried not to do BEFORE baby) he stomps his feet then throws himself on the ground screaming. He has started doing things he knows he is not supposed to, such as climbing on the table, looking at me while I am doing it...then smiling and laughing when I try and discipline him. Again, all of this is only when I am around...he doesn't do this around anyone else.
I am at a loss...I try and make special time just for him, such as when he wakes up, at lunch and nap time and again at bed time....but with a 3 week old its still a little hard to divide my time. I have done my best to keep the same routine as before, but again, with a 3 week old I don't always have extra time to take just Jr on a walk, or just play with him outside, etc.
My Mother has suggested time outs, but at 18 months old how do you even start that and get them to understand? I know he is acting out towards me because of the baby, but he still can not hit me...and I'm sure its only a matter of time before his anger goes from me to the baby.
I'm just at a loss...and frustrated. Any ideas or suggestions??
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Re: Dealing with older child acting out when baby arrives...
I know our DC uses the high chair...at least I have seen them use it in the two year old room. I really don't want him to associate the high chair with being bad though...as I still want him to eat at meal times, etc.
The pack and play is a good idea.
My DD did the same thing. Tantrums, hitting, and really acting out towards me specifically. I never used timeout or really any other punishment. I just redirect her and try to get her engaged in something new. I just personally think timeout is a little early until children understand repercussions and consequences which an 18 month old does not.
I make an effort now to do something with her each week that is special. Even if it's just a quick trip to get ice cream or whatever. It helps. I would also just give it some time. My DD acted just like this for a couple weeks but by about the time DS was 6-8 weeks old things got a lot better. I also make a big effort to make sure I am giving her my full attention when DS is napping. I try to limit cleaning up, and household chores when she is up so that she feels like she has my attention. I think the biggest thing though is separating her from DS and doing something fun. She's always in such a good mood when I do that.
Oh I agree...when he has my undivided attention he is a perfect angel! I too give him time when DS#2 is sleeping...its the times when I am feeding DS#2, holding him, engaging with him, etc that are a problem. Its slowly escalated and I fear it will get worse before it gets better.
At 18 months I understand you can not reason with him and there are things he just doesn't understand...but there are things he does or can understand as well.
We are only 3 weeks into the new arrival and up until recently I have been unable to do much (had a rough second csection recovery)...so I am hoping now that I am a bit more mobile I can spend more time with him. I do not have any family closer than 2 hours away, so taking just him out somewhere is tough unless its really planned out well, which I am willing to do now that I can drive again, etc.
But, we have to have some sort of discipline as well...he cant just act like a monster when he doesn't get his way all the time....and I cant explain to him that sometimes he doesn't get everything he wants...there has to be some sort of middle ground that they can understand at this age...
This makes sense...one person removes him from the situation and calms him down, explaining what he has done is wrong...although at 18 months I don't expect him to fully understand that. I also understand redirecting his anger or acting out to something different, that makes sense as well. I think both of these suggestions would work well when another parent or adult is home to help diffuse the situation.
Would the parent (me), who he is angry with be the best one to either take him out of the room, etc...or should, say, Daddy do it?
I just don't know what to do when we are home alone, as we are 6 days a week for the most part. By the end of the day I am just over it....as I am sure he is. Its heart breaking really....he didn't ask for a sibling and I am sure once they both get a little older it will be fine. The first few weeks with a newborn are so hard anyway and when you add in a pissed off toddler it really doesn't help!!!