I usually am a pretty together, balanced, and happy working mama. Over the last few weeks though, I just feel like I am totally sucking at both work and home. I know that I am probably being way to hard on myself and we are our own worst critic, but I just feel like I am not being the kind of present mother I like to be and like I am constantly letting things slip at work. Not to the point of where I am getting my hand slapped or anything, I just feel like I am being a total slacker and not nearly being as productive as I typically am.
Over the last few weeks, I found out that I am (happy but surprise!) pregnant with baby #3, DH has been traveling every week, DD#2's breathing issues have been acting up which is keeping me up at night, and we are leaving for a week long vacation on Friday. Plus, DD#1 is done with preschool and camp does not start up for her until we get back, so we've had inconsistent care for her which is throwing me off.
I seriously feel like I am at my breaking point, and all I want to do is just crawl in my bed and hide from the world. :-(
Re: Ugh. Feel like I'm failing. :-(
DS born Dec 10, 2013
Thanks ladies--seriously, just feeling like I am not the only one who goes through this is comforting. After posting that, I just spent a solid hour catching up on emails and making some dent in the mountain of work I have and am already feeling better.
I think lots of it just has to do with the fact that this is really the first week long vacation we have taken in years (and the longest I will be out since my maternity leave in 2011-2012), and so I'm just freaking out. Plus, since some people know I am leaving, they are being extra generous with their "can you please....before you leave" requests.
The juggling act continues...
Will baby #3 be another girl?
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going on vacation is such a mixed bag - great to get away but JHC - getting ready to go is such a nightmare.
Last year, I set myself a one week cut-off before vacation, and I just didn't accept any new work after that so I could finish up everything I already had. Of course, I still did things, but I didn't start anything new or volunteer to do anything, etc. and it really helped me leave w/ a clean desk.
We definitely all have phases like this. DH is on an 8 month deployment right now and I work a demanding job also in the military.
Some days between keeping things up at work, at home, keeping myself healthy/in shape, DD happy, etc. I just want to collapse into bed and cry.
I have a few babysitters/mother's helpers who come over a few times a week in the evening to act as my second set of hands. I also have lots of visits from family although they don't live nearby.
Oh, edited to read that you are going on vacation. Yep, fun in theory, but with kids and packing involved and working up until the day you leave, it is tough! Good luck with it all. Take some YOU time over the week away.
I go through periods of time where I feel like everything is working and then those where I feel nothing is working. I just sort of wait them out. Well, that and I try to do small things to help me refocus on what I need to get done. Like at work I'll step away from my email and the internet for set times and really focus on making progress on one project. At home sometimes I just do the bare minimum and figure I'll catch up later (or, my husband will!).
The first trimester is hard. Cut yourself some slack.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
Thank you for posting this. I have been in a major funk the last couple weeks; I can barely breathe. Work is horrid. I feel disconnected from my friends. I keep telling myself that it is a phase and this too shall pass. But it is hard.
Hopefully your down cycle will be short and you'll be feeling wonderful again very soon!