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I missed 6yo SD's K Grad. so BM could go AND

PamelacakePamelacake member
in Blended Families

BM didn't even show up =(

I feel horrible. I didn't go to avoid any conflict as well as a scene at the school. I don't go outside when BM comes to pick up or drop off. This is simply because BM is more concerned about what I am doing than anything else. BM lets SD's know very bluntly that she hates me. BM couldn't even be excited for oldest SD from her that SD learned how to read because I had something to do with it. I do this or, not do this to hopefully make it easier for SD's.

I should have just gone anyways. DH told me BM probably wouldn't even show up but I figured she would just for show because that's how BM is. She wants to appear to be a good mother, and she seemed very interested in going, calling to confirm the time and everything.

 That really doesn't matter to me because the teacher, principal, school counselors and everyone knows that I'm the one who has been involved and she has not. (also her doing, in part b/c SD would tell her school counselor and teacher everything, including every time BM didn't show up, EOWE, and when BM hung up on SD when BM promised to be here to pick up and she was "done lying to them")

I just feel really bad.. 6yo SD brought it up to me this morning and I was just speechless. I didn't know BM didn't show until SD brought it up. I really should have just gone anyways and tried to sit separately from BM. SD told me this morning that she didn't want BM to go, she wanted me to go but BM said she wanted to go and if she wanted to be a part of something I didn't want to stand in front of that.

This is not a mistake I will be making again. I know I can't go back and do the Kindergarten graduation which was a huge thing for SD but I will go to anything she wants me to be a part of from now on. Next school year I will be a class mom, I was asked to do this by the school counselor, so BM will just have to suck it up as youngest SD will be in Kindergarten.

 

 

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   Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

 

My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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Re: I missed 6yo SD's K Grad. so BM could go AND

  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I'm sorry for you and your SD. DH and I decided a long time ago that we would never make plans or change plans based on what BM may or may not do because then we are letting her determine our actions. I understand the desire not to make a scene, as that as happened to us before at SS's school. However, a child can never have too many people love and support them.
    I would tell SD you are sorry for missing it and you plan on doing something special just with her, maybe a girl's celebration brunch or something.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    imageLavender P:
    I'm sorry for you and your SD. DH and I decided a long time ago that we would never make plans or change plans based on what BM may or may not do because then we are letting her determine our actions. I understand the desire not to make a scene, as that as happened to us before at SS's school. However, a child can never have too many people love and support them. I would tell SD you are sorry for missing it and you plan on doing something special just with her, maybe a girl's celebration brunch or something.

    TY. 6yo SD is very sensitive so we do spa parties and princess breakfasts on a regular basis as BM disappoints a lot. so I'm really running out of options. I was going to wait and surprise SD's about me being a class mom next fall but I ended up telling 6yo SD and she's extremely excited about that! I have also called two of her friends from school's mom's and they will be coming over later (SD doesn't know yet, she thinks we are just making pink and purple sparkly cupcakes for us :) ) we will be having a small kindergarten graduation party for her (:

    Nothing extravagant but I'm sure she will love it and definitely be surprised her friends will be here for her too!

    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Awww. That is nice. She is lucky to have you. Enjoy your sparkly cupcakes and eat one for me!
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    imagePamelacake:

    imageLavender P:
    I'm sorry for you and your SD. DH and I decided a long time ago that we would never make plans or change plans based on what BM may or may not do because then we are letting her determine our actions. I understand the desire not to make a scene, as that as happened to us before at SS's school. However, a child can never have too many people love and support them. I would tell SD you are sorry for missing it and you plan on doing something special just with her, maybe a girl's celebration brunch or something.

    TY. 6yo SD is very sensitive so we do spa parties and princess breakfasts on a regular basis as BM disappoints a lot. so I'm really running out of options. I was going to wait and surprise SD's about me being a class mom next fall but I ended up telling 6yo SD and she's extremely excited about that! I have also called two of her friends from school's mom's and they will be coming over later (SD doesn't know yet, she thinks we are just making pink and purple sparkly cupcakes for us :) ) we will be having a small kindergarten graduation party for her (:

    Nothing extravagant but I'm sure she will love it and definitely be surprised her friends will be here for her too!

    AWE that is so sweet. I'm sure she will love it. I'm glad she will have this time with you and take some pics. Maybe scrapbook some graduation hats with them and make it special. I'm sorry you missed the original one, but sounds like you have a great way to still recognize her big girl efforts and graduation.

    :)

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  • KTdiditKTdidit member

    Awww thats very sweet - the cupcakes and party (thought I hit "quote"...hmmm)

    I second Lavendar - I understand the desire to avoid drama but you can't let BM dictate what you do and where you go. Especially if she's going to continue to disappoint your SD's, they need your support and love even more. Hope she loves the party!

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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member
    Your SD is very lucky to have you.  It's awful how some birth parents treat their kids. 
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    Thank you all for the advice.. I will definitely not put BM's agenda before SD's or mine anymore as I know my intentions are good.

    SD loved it!! She and her friends mostly played outside and wanted to pet the baby chicks and She had a blast! She was definitely surprised! I wanted a way to show I was proud of her aside from telling her which I already do. She just loved it! She didn't want to include 5yo SD at first but after realizing 5yo SD had met one of the other little girls at church a few times 6yo SD was ok with it as she still knew the day was about her.

    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

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