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Blended Families
Phantomgirl
member
Feeling like an outsider
Phantomgirl
member
For me it doesn't happen often but when it does its more of a weirdness/uncomfortableness seeing DH bonded to a kid that's not mine.
Like when SS sits on top of DH or hugs in close I sometimes have to remind myself that its normal for DH to be doing that.
It's like a knot in my stomach and I want it to stop. But I go against myself and encourage it.
For me that's the hardest part of being a stepmom. Your gut says no, but your head knows it needs to be yes.
In every other area of life I would say listen to your gut.
Like when SS sits on top of DH or hugs in close I sometimes have to remind myself that its normal for DH to be doing that.
It's like a knot in my stomach and I want it to stop. But I go against myself and encourage it.
For me that's the hardest part of being a stepmom. Your gut says no, but your head knows it needs to be yes.
In every other area of life I would say listen to your gut.
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Re: Feeling like an outsider
I've felt this pain before with DH and my SDs. I love the girls to death, but when they start reminiscing and telling stories about things before I came into the picture, I kind of felt like an outsider, too.
Over the years, the feeling has slowly disappeared as I see how much love these girls have in them and how much love and stability I want to give to them and provide for them. I just have learned the respect their time with their dad and found ways to bond with them and as time goes on, we make new memories together.
The girls don't really either except when we are at amusement parks they fight over who gets to sit with dad. That makes me a little sad and then SD2 pretends she wants to ride with me because she is more aware of hurt feelings. Then SD1 picks up on it and asks to ride with me next but I can tell they don't want to.
That used to be hard for me too. I would be especially bothered if DH and I were siting next to each other and SS would squeeze in between us. Now he doesn't do that as often since he's older but I have to remind myself that it is perfectly normal and to not let it bother me.
Phantom - I'm relieved that you mentioned the physical activity between them makes you uncomfortable. I've experienced this too; in the past I've felt like I was invading their privacy when they were sitting in H's lap or something along those lines.
It's a weird feeling, one that reminds me of being an outsider. But now that they're older, there's less affection going on, and I'm getting more used to it.