Feeling like an outsider

Phantomgirl

For me it doesn't happen often but when it does its more of a weirdness/uncomfortableness seeing DH bonded to a kid that's not mine.

Like when SS sits on top of DH or hugs in close I sometimes have to remind myself that its normal for DH to be doing that.

It's like a knot in my stomach and I want it to stop. But I go against myself and encourage it.

For me that's the hardest part of being a stepmom. Your gut says no, but your head knows it needs to be yes.

In every other area of life I would say listen to your gut.

ohlordy

I've felt this pain before with DH and my SDs. I love the girls to death, but when they start reminiscing and telling stories about things before I came into the picture, I kind of felt like an outsider, too. 

Over the years, the feeling has slowly disappeared as I see how much love these girls have in them and how much love and stability I want to give to them and provide for them. I just have learned the respect their time with their dad and found ways to bond with them and as time goes on, we make new memories together. 

CurlyQ284

DH never makes me feel like an outsider. He insists that we do everything as a family. I have always urged him to do something with each of the girls alone but we do everything together.

The girls don't really either except when we are at amusement parks they fight over who gets to sit with dad. That makes me a little sad and then SD2 pretends she wants to ride with me because she is more aware of hurt feelings. Then SD1 picks up on it and asks to ride with me next but I can tell they don't want to.

blondii428

SD just started living with us full time so I'm still trying to adjust.  I find myself feeling like an "outsider" or a "visitor in my home" more often than not.  It's tough but it's just one of those things that takes time I suppose..

Alohalove

Yes, I know exactly how you feel.  When I'm feeling that way I take my baby and hug her a little tighter.  

Lavender P

Phantomgirl:

Like when SS sits on top of DH or hugs in close I sometimes have to remind myself that its normal for DH to be doing that.

That used to be hard for me too. I would be especially bothered if DH and I were siting next to each other and SS would squeeze in between us. Now he doesn't do that as often since he's older but I have to remind myself that it is perfectly normal and to not let it bother me.

twinkl5379

Phantom - I'm relieved that you mentioned the physical activity between them makes you uncomfortable. I've experienced this too; in the past I've felt like I was invading their privacy when they were sitting in H's lap or something along those lines.

It's a weird feeling, one that reminds me of being an outsider. But now that they're older, there's less affection going on, and I'm getting more used to it.