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September 2013 Moms
AppleMuffins
member
Husband not into sex?
AppleMuffins
member
So, ever since getting pregnant my husband hasn't been into sex. We've talked about it a little and he says he just can't stop thinking about the baby the whole time and it just feels (mentally) weird to him. He knows logically that it's fine and he's not literally poking her, but he just can't get past the thought. He said he also feels like my belly is in the way. I'm really not large yet (I'm even wearing some non maternity pants right now) and there are plenty of positions we could try, but overall he's just not into it. He says it has nothing to do with how I look (and I mostly believe him), he just can't get past the thought of her being there. We plan on co-sleeping for a bit and he said if she's asleep in her crib it won't bother him though. I've tried to explain to him that she has no idea what's going on, and if anything to her it would just seem like being rocked to sleep, but he said that makes it worse lol Luckily pregnancy has dampened my sex drive, but I'd still like to have sex a little more often. I think we've only had sex maybe 4 or 5 times since I've been KU? I've even suggested fooling around rather than intercourse, but he still thinks my belly is in the way. He's pretty content to just wait the 6-8 weeks until after delivery to get going again. Has anyone else struggled with this? He thinks it's normal, but I feel like by now most guys are over it.
One DD born 9/23/13.
We're one and done!
We're one and done!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Husband not into sex?
Oh and I wouldn't push your DH, I feel like you would almost ruin sex or him, but maybe just try to talk to him more about the other things you could do, handjobs, making out, etc. Let him know that you can compromise on waiting for the sex so long as you two can still be intimate in some way. If he seems nervous about even fooling around, just ask him to try it before he says no to everything.
My DH just started getting wierded out once he could see LO moving and feel him. he's paranoid that he will somehow feel kicks during sex, so we have to wait until LO is asleep or not active before doing anything. which usually results in me falling asleep
Sounds like your DH is pretty normal though- it's not too uncommon. Maybe you could try some pleasurable acts on him to get him in the mood and then switch to intercourse once he's really turned on? there's plenty to do where your stomach wouldn't be in the way or in his direct line of sight which is what it sounds like he is worried about. being reminded of the baby by seeing your stomach is probably what is freaking him out?
My Ovulation Chart
BFP 1/12/13 8DPO EDD:9/24/2013 Born 10/1/2013
He actually initiated the conversation a couple nights ago when we were just cuddling. I'm definitely not pushing him and I respect his boundaries. If it bothers him that much I'm not going to force him, but this just isn't something I've encountered before (obviously) and it seems everyone else I know is saying how great pregnancy sex is and how into it their husbands are. Even my mom once made a remark about now being the time to enjoy it.
PP made a comment about how her husband finds her belly sexy and it got me thinking a little. That's not something DH would say at all. He totally loves the boobs and when I was talking about how they'll be engorged with milk once the baby gets here and sore with chapped nipples, it totally didn't phase him. He even wants to watch the baby come out, so I don't think he sees my entire body like an unsexual baby machine, he's just really fixated on my belly. Which made me get thinking that maybe he subconsciously views my belly as the baby itself, like it's not part of my body anymore. Almost as if it weren't a belly at all, just a baby. Which sounds weird, but the other day when we were at the grocery store he randomly traced a line down my side with his finger and said "that part is you, and all the rest is baby." It was just a random fleeting moment that I thought was kind of silly and it didn't really spark any conversation or anything, but maybe there was a little more to it.
I guess I'll just have to suck it up and take care of myself when the urge strikes for awhile. I feel loved and cared for by him in other ways, so it's not really negatively affecting us too much.
We're one and done!
BFP #1 12/23/12 EDD 9/3/13 DD #1 8/26/13
BFP #2 2/25/16 EDD 11/5/16 MMC 4/15/16
BFP #3 8/31/16 EDD 5/12/17 It's a GIRL!
This. I would try this same thing. More like, I WILL BE trying this. Lol. Thanks!
We have still not had much sex, but at least he is willing. The only position he likes right now is spooning. It is good for him, but I can't have an orgasm in that position. But I figure it is better than nothing. Also, he does want to have sex, but he feels weird about it too or like he is hitting my stomach or jostling the baby too much.
Just try talking to him about it again and try the spooning position since your belly will be away from him and resting on the bed.
It took time for my husband to come around because it freaked him out and he thought maybe the baby would get hurt.
Exactly my husband as well! You are very attuned to him!! I said the exact same thing, my belly isn't my belly anymore its baby to him. I'm not sure where this will go with us, we have sex maybe once a week if we are lucky but the bigger I get the more spread out the sex gets so we will see. I mentioned sex helps thin the cervix when it comes time for getting ready for the delivery, he was a bit freaked by this lol.
Hope it washes out eventually for you!