Young, to who ?

nicole mackenzie · June 2013

I'd say out if high school. Stable relationship, no longer living with parents, stable jobs with health insurance, and have lived with each other full time without roommates for a year.

I also think its a good idea to get some experiences under your belt too. Like traveling in country or overseas.

Also if either person plans on college or has career goals they should take some time to do that first.

short_meli · June 2013

DLpanda08:
creed32:
So where should a couple be in life.. married, engaged, living together, both having jobs ?
I feel that, at the very least, if a person is mature enough to look at all sides of an issue and evaluate their choices based on the best outcome for everyone involved (rather than just what they could benefit from) then they might be mature enough to TTC.
If they have graduated high school and have a stable income, then that's even better.
Ideally, they would also be married with health insurance and a home of their own.

This. I also as though it's defintitely not going to be the same for everyone either. Obviously everyone doesn't mature at the same pace. While 19 may be completely fine for some people, I know I still felt like a kid myself at age 19 (Who am I kidding? I'm still a kid at heart! Stick out tongue ) so, while I've wanted kids for a long time, I knew I had some maturing to do and wanted to have stable grounds beneath me before bringing a child into the world. Now that DH and I are married with good careers, a house and health insurance, I feel like it's a good time. Of course my health played a huge role in us deciding when we were ready as well.

RondackHiker · June 2013

GhostMonkey:
creed32:
I talked to my family and every woman within the past 5 generations have had endometriosis, my great grandmother had 11 miscarriages and only got the blessing to have one child which was her last time trying. My grandmother had 2 miscarriages. My mothers had one miscarriage but it was twins. Every woman had to try many times before they got pregnant. I (knock on wood) have had no problems with endometriosis, but I've been diagnosed with PCOS. I just got put on medication. I'm also diabetic. It's not the fact that I can't conceive, it's just trying to make sure I can before I try and have a huge heartbreak. I'm scared more of loosing a baby more than I am to try and I haven't even came close to trying lol.
Then I am going to suggest you seek some therapy and get a few more clues before you start trying.
Almost all miscarriages are due to genetic issues not compatible with life. They are not an indicator of a genetic deformity, basically just shitty luck of the draw. You can do everything right and it can still happen. And 2 miscarriages is still very much within the realm of normal. That isn't even cause for concern. Your mom's one loss is not either.
You seem intent on turning nothing into something. You are just shy of stomping your feet and answering "u dnt no mi lyfe!!1!!!1".
 

I didn't really get that from her. She said she isn't trying now anyway, and her doctor suggested the testing. She'd like to try but she seems to be listening and learning.

As for making something into nothing.,, if she's repeatedly heard how hard it is for women in her family to have kids and her doctor seems to go along with it, then she wouldn't know that she may have no issues at all.

OP, many women have kids with diabetes and PCOS. Don't stress yourself out or torture yourself over this.

vanillalatte89 · June 2013

My advice is definitely let yourself gain life experience. You only live once and it's important to do the things you wanna do first! Enjoy years of being able to do whatever you want whenever you want while you can. Travel. Baby bucket list is a great idea. My husband and I have been married 3 years on june 19th and have lived in hawaii for a year and some change. We have been really taking advantage of living here and doing all we can do here before baby. I also have gotten two years as an RN under my belt. Just remember there is no rush.

TreeOLife · June 2013

I feel as though there is no certain age, although being able to afford a child at a young age could be hard. Proper schooling,a steady job, significant other, and safe housing are must haves in my opinion

Cindal · June 2013

In my opinion, people shouldn't TRY to conceive before they turn 20. I also tend to think that you should be married or engaged to be married, already living together for at least a year, have health insurance, and at least one good stable job between the two of you.

buffyverrban1 · June 2013

I (personally) think a couple should be HAPPILY married, have a good job and be able to emotionally and financially support a baby. I think under 20 is too young.

I also think that if you and your boyfriend are not committed (engaged, married) not even living together, you shouldn't even be considering having a baby.

The fact that his family doesn't approve, should say something to you. Why do they think that he can't support a family?

Babies are hard on relationships, even happy stable ones. It's a big adjustment that you can never understand until it happens.

Why wouldn't you want to give your baby the best start in life if it's possible? That means having parents who aren't rushing into it, have a solid foundation, and aren't going to learn how to live together after he or she is born. (When hormones are going crazy and tensions are high)

greengirl0909 · June 2013

In my opinion, folks shouldn't get pregnant before 25, unless there is some unusual circumstance that indicates later fertility would be an issue. I was with a guy when I was 18, loved him. I think you aren't really your own person until you've been on your own for several years. I think that in order to provide for a child, you or your significant other need some sort of advanced skills beyond high school. You cannot make it on two barely above minimum wage jobs and care for a child. I also think that people should be married or committed formally in some way. It's too easy to walk away from a relationship where no formal commitment has been made. I know that might be an UO, but I'm stickin' it out there.

I feel like maybe you are looking for an identity or perhaps a way to "seal the deal" with your boyfriend. Just guesses on my part. I had some friends who went through periods where their SO was leaving for college/military stuff and they really wanted to be pregnant. It gave them something going on in their life and it made them feel more secure. Also, just a theory. GL

LadyXaverian · June 2013

RondackHiker:
To me it does not sound like you are financially ready yet. Look around in the area you live in and find out the range of daycare costs. Pick a number at the higher end of the range in case you don't get lucky and find a cheap and safe place. Then look around and find the average price of a two bedroom place. Again, take the higher end of the range. Add in car payments and health insurance and remember that crap can go wrong and your insurance may be like mine and decide not to cover a NICU bill. Look at your maternity leave policy and short term disability. What happens if you're put on bed rest at 30 weeks or earlier? If you only get 12 weeks but baby isn't old enough to go to daycare, you might be screwed. I'd recommend enjoying each other and saving a ton and hitting other milestones. Save a certain amount. Go on a wild trip. Buy a home. Adopt a pet together. Work for promotions or find jobs will amazing health insurance. Excel in school.

This is all really good advice. Good luck to you.

rjeller32 · June 2013

creed32:
GhostMonkey:
creed32:
Well, I'm more curious to what everyone would say, however I would love to be a mom, but I'm currently unable to have kids as of right now. My boyfriend and I have talked about it a lot. He leaves very soon for basic training for the Army National Guard, so it's going to be awhile either way. I'm 18 years old and he's 19. We both have very good jobs working full time, plus he's is in the military. My family is very supportive, but only a couple ones are in his family. We currently don't live together, but are looking. He won't tell me, but I know that we won't make any moves until he comes back from basic and ait.
Honey, you realize he's going to get about $150 a month from the Guard for drill and that's it right? It's not a full time job. He still has to have one of those.
And what you think is a good job at 18 is not shiit. Infant daycare (which you will need since you will both be working) will run you around $200 a week, if not more. How much of your check will that eat up? If you are making minimum wage (which I suspect you are in that ballpark since an 18 year old isn't qualified for anything) that will leave you about $15 a week to live on. Score.

He works one weekend a month, and gets 150. Correct. He also have a full time day job working 40 hours a week + overtime making 11$ a hour. He is also a firefighter, and would love to make a career out of that, but he's volunteer right now. I have a full time job working 40 hours a week making 10$ a hour. I will however be going to school this fall in the evenings, so don't know how that's going to pan out with our lives, but this coming semester will be easier than rest because he won't be here but maybe a month.

I lurk on this board all the time, and I just have to get in on this, from the young mom perspective.

I was 18 when I popped out my first born. Not planned at all, but it happens. I was working 70 hours a week, making 9.75 an hour, and DH was making 15 an hour construction. He was 22. We were totally unprepared. I had lived on my own since I was 14 due to bad parenting, and I was definitely a lot more mature than most girls my age, but it still wad hard.

The entire pregnancy, I was stoked, but I had no idea what I was really getting into. When my child was born, I was lost in a dead end job, wanting to go to school, and jealous that I wasn't studying abroad or living a normal early adulthood life. It was exciting and terrifying.

I went to school, which meant I had to put her in daycare, which was 800 a month. On top of 600/month rent, utilities, car maintenance and groceries/formula, I had to work two jobs and DH worked two jobs. Babies cost like 4000 to have (depending on insurance), diapering is expensive, clothing is expensive and just living is expensive, especially when you don't have the qualifications for a higher paying job with all the benefits for your future.

19,000 dollars in student loans later, I am still struggling, but well adjusted to motherhood. I am so glad to have my girls, but I still am envious of thers my age that get to have adventures and travel etc.

Babies are great, but you really have to look at long term. Is your job something you want to make a career out of? How are you going to do school and babies (online is hard when you have an infant in your face all day), can you afford daycare (if needed) and basic baby needs? Are you ready to give up your freedom for poopy butts and long nights of feeding/crying babies?

Plus, babies change relationships with your SO. Mine was not ready at all, and we almost split after DD was born. He thought he was ready, but then he decided he didn't live enough before kids and went a little nuts on the partying life.

It's not something I advocate. I love my girls, but I wish I would have waited until after college at least before I gave my life to such a huge, wonderful responsibility.

PamelaSlamala · June 2013

GhostMonkey:
creed32:
I talked to my family and every woman within the past 5 generations have had endometriosis, my great grandmother had 11 miscarriages and only got the blessing to have one child which was her last time trying. My grandmother had 2 miscarriages. My mothers had one miscarriage but it was twins. Every woman had to try many times before they got pregnant. I (knock on wood) have had no problems with endometriosis, but I've been diagnosed with PCOS. I just got put on medication. I'm also diabetic. It's not the fact that I can't conceive, it's just trying to make sure I can before I try and have a huge heartbreak. I'm scared more of loosing a baby more than I am to try and I haven't even came close to trying lol.
Then I am going to suggest you seek some therapy and get a few more clues before you start trying.
Almost all miscarriages are due to genetic issues not compatible with life. They are not an indicator of a genetic deformity, basically just shitty luck of the draw. You can do everything right and it can still happen. And 2 miscarriages is still very much within the realm of normal. That isn't even cause for concern. Your mom's one loss is not either.
You seem intent on turning nothing into something. You are just shy of stomping your feet and answering "u dnt no mi lyfe!!1!!!1".
 

Monkey, you have about the same amount of emotional intelligence as a monkey. It seems as though you WANT this girl to go ham and stir up drama. Leave it to you to tell people how they're going to respond. Even the post below yours was saying that the person "was just not getting this from her." You are so judgey, so "been there done that." You remind me of this annoying girl at work that looks into every little thing and tries to top everyone. Ugh.

And unless this board decides to rip this girl a new one, she clearly just came looking for a little input. As I did. As many do. But as I lurk here I just keep seeing your posts and how bishy they are.

Seriously, GTFO.

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