Adoption
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renaming and bringing children with you when you travel
I've been semi-active on the Working Moms board, but have lurked here for awhile since I've been interested in adoption for a long time. I have two biological children and we're just starting the process for international adoption.
I know I'm getting way head of myself by asking these two questions, but I'm really curious.
- Did you rename your child?
- Would it be feasible to have our children travel with us to meet our new child? I'm already worrying about the logistics of adoption when we already have two young children at home. It seems stressful and expensive (and maybe not even allowed) to fly halfway around the world with them, but we also don't have family who are capable of watching them for a two-to-three-week timeframe, or for whatever time we'd be gone.
Thank you for you insight! I've learned so much about adoption just from reading this board.
Son #1 - September '09
Son #2 - October '11
Son #3 - Hoping to adopt from China some time in 2014!
Our adoption journey: Talkin' 'Bout the Next Generation
Son #2 - October '11
Son #3 - Hoping to adopt from China some time in 2014!
Our adoption journey: Talkin' 'Bout the Next Generation
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Re: renaming and bringing children with you when you travel
Hello, and welcome!
1. I did not rename my children because they joined our family when they were 7 and 5 years old. We did offer them the chance to change their middle names when taking our family's last name, and they both chose to do that.
2. It depends where you are adopting from, what the in-country requirements are, and how old your children are. We did chose to bring M back to Peru with us when we adopted J, and he and my husband remained in-country for 3 of the 4 weeks required by the process. In our case, we were traveling to M's home country so that eliminated many of the issues and concerns. We felt it was important to his feeling like a complete and equal member of our family for him to be there while we were adopting his brother. While there were still some jealousy issues, I believe it greatly cut down on any notion M may have had that he was being "replaced" by a younger child.
Hi...
I think renaming is dependent on lots of factors.. age, ability to transition name into American culture, etc.
RE: travel.. keep in mind that if you already have two little ones at home, they won't be so little when you travel. If you started today, most programs are atleast 18 months to two years away when you add in home study, applications, etc... so even if you have a newborn today, you are looking at a 2 year old.
The travel element was part of our decision not to follow my heart and adopt from Ethiopia. I did not like the idea of being away from my two young daughters for two weeks at a time. It just wasn't right FOR ME. But that's not to say it's a bad thing. It's all part of the family's story.
One of my favorite bloggers blogged about her husband and son meeting and bringing home her daughter from China. I share this because it's not the typical story-- mom stayed home w/younger sib and dad traveled w/older sib. Not typical but makes a beautiful adoption story too--
https://3peanuts.blogspot.com/search/label/China%20Trip
1) We plan to rename our child once he's adopted. Both of our children have family names, and we'd like to carry on that tradition with our third. It's one more way he becomes a part of our family, in our opinion.
2) We have friends adopting from Uganda that are planning to take their son (who will be about 2.5 at the time) for 6 weeks. That didn't seem like the right option for our family, so we chose based on which country had the shortest in-country stay (or, it was a leading factor). Our agency does not recommend (or even, I think, allow) us to bring our children with us. It will be difficult to leave them, but in the grand scheme of things, 2 weeks isn't very long.
Good luck!! I can't wait to hear what you decide. There is SO much information to sift through but ultimately you just have to decide what's right for you.
1) We did. My son is one of those poor kids with three names...I chose a name, DH chose a name and we kept his birth name. Mainly because we really, really didn't care for his birth name...it is pronounced differently here in the US, it has a meaning that doesn't "fit" him and (even at 5) he didn't know it anyways. Depending on the country or region, the child may or may not have ever been called by his/her birth name in the orphanage.
2) It probably depends on how long you will actually be gone and the age/needs of your child. There is NO WAY we could have taken another child to meet our son...he was older, institutionalized and has some special needs. It took 100% of both of us to manage him during that time. For kiddo #2, we will most likely take our son with us as we aren't comfortable leaving him for that long. Once we know the age/needs of kiddo #2, we will decide whether or not we are going to take along a "helper." I know people who have invited a younger relative, a teen from church, etc., as a mother's helper and it's worked out well.
we adopted DS from Korea last year... and yes, we did rename him. But he was only 21 months old at the time. I think it depends on the age of the child you adopt. i think it would be harder to change the name of a 5 year old. Another option that a lot of people do is keep the child's orignal name as their middle name... so the child has the option to go by that when they get older if they want to.
As far as traveling with your other kids... DS was our first, so i don't have experience with that. I would say again it depends on what works out for you. it would be neat to have your kids be a part of the adoption process, and see their brother/sister's birth country. I've also read that sometimes the older children can help the new child feel more comfortable, etc. BUT if its a trip of 3-4 weeks, they probably can't miss school, etc for that long so you kind of have to leave them behind. It also depends on the country you're adopting from---a lot of countries only require one parent to travel, or btoh go for part of the trip and then one can come home. that way you or your husband could travel while the other one stays behind with the kids. Whoever travels could take maybe a grandparent, family member,friend along for help/support.
Good luck!!! I'm not sure if you've decided on a coutry yet... but if you have any questions about the Korean adoption program, feel free to ask! our agency is "urgently" looking for adoptive families for Korea :-)
We re-named both of our adopted chilren (DD at age 2 and DS at age 9...actually legally changed his name at placement, before adoption).
We did not travel as we are a foster/adopt family.
2. We're already talking about our next adoption and we will NOT bring LO with us for a few reasons. One being safety, fact of the matter is most places people travel for IA are not the safest. At least, not the safest parts of town. And secondly, we want to bond with the new child/children and not have to be concerned with splitting attention/time. Also big time zone changes are hard on adults, never kind kids. And you don't get to set your schedule when over, so you won't get to schedule your orphanage visit or paperwork runs around naptime or anything like that.
Son #2 - October '11
Son #3 - Hoping to adopt from China some time in 2014!
Our adoption journey: Talkin' 'Bout the Next Generation
Welcome - we're leaving to adopt our first child in less than a month.
1. We are planning on renaming him. He is 3.
2. We aren't bringing our 5 kids with us. I will be gone 4-6 weeks. My husband will be gone 2-3. That is a long time to bring the children. I know it's not advised in the country we're going to. Some people do it, but I would have to bring at least another person to help watch the kids. We really can't afford to bring them either. My sisters, mom and stepmom are going to have their hands full while we are gone!
Good luck!! Hope the process goes smoothly for you.