How to not live in fear?
meli1025
member
*DS mentioned*
Ever since losing Ava I just feel that I am more prone to tragedy and literally everything scares me. It's as if I'm just waiting for the next tragic event to occur. I did have some paranoia about tragedy before losing her but never this bad. If DH runs late and isn't answering his phone, I immediately think that he's been in an accident. If DH takes DS out on a bike ride, I am scared the entire time that they're going to get hit by a car. When I drop DS at daycare I get scared that one of those horrible school shootings will happen there. I'm just literally scared all the time and I don't know how to not live like this. I am the absolute worst passenger in the car too....I grip the door and overreact at the littlest things..it actually causes a lot of arguments when DH and I take road trips. Does anyone find that they are constantly in fear of another tragedy and if so, how do you cope? I've discussed this in therapy but I'm not getting any direction on how not to feel this way. She just basically says that my feelings are understandable. Will this ever go away? I hate that I'm always expecting the worst to occur.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
Re: How to not live in fear?
Ava's Story
BFP#2 10/18/13 Blighted ovum 11/25/13
BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!
***siggy warning***
When I was in therapy, my counselor said that I have to stop expecting the worst - that I deserve happiness. He basically said that part of the reason why I was expecting something else bad to happen is because, deep down, I felt like I just had it coming. The universe already had it out for me; what's to say it wouldn't strike again? He then reminded me that what happened to Devon was beyond my control, but that is no indicator that the rest of my life is going to be full of bad things.
He just kept telling me that I deserve happiness. That I deserve to keep living my life, and that the fear was going to hold me back and destroy me if I didn't find a way to let it go. It took awhile, but I finally got to the point where I felt like I deserved to be happy and to not dread life anymore. Journaling my feelings helped with that, too. I still fear that DS will be taken from me, or that I will lose H, but I fight to let it consume me. I make it a point to laugh every day, even when I don't feel like laughing. That's helped me, too. *hugs*
Hugs to you. You are so not alone in feeling this way. I suffer from this too. It's what I call Worst Case Scenario Syndrome. It feels like why won't another bad thing happen because it has already happened.
I was actually out walking my dog last night and there was lightening. I immediately ran inside completely fearful because I thought that of all people, I would be the one to be struck by lightening which is so ridiculous. It's amazing what we can convince our mind of.
Things that have started to help a bit for me include meditation (taking time out to relax and unwind and attend a weekly meditation group -- you can find these on MeetUp), and writing down my irrational thoughts. Once I see them written out, I realize how crazy they are. I often use the if/then scenario and eventually I realize that my thoughts are irrational and that seems to help put things in perspective.
Please know that you are very much not alone in feeling this way.
Ever since I lost Arianna I have had horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I have uncontrollable tremors where my hand just starts shaking and I can't stop it until I calm down. I can not sleep with out taking medications and they barely work. I have horrible paranoia, I feel like nothing will be good so I should expect everything bad to happen to me.
My doctor put me on wellbutrin for depression, I refused to go on zoloft, I know paranoia is a side effect of it. I also had panic attacks with the fear of bugs all over me in the middle of the night, I couldn't see the bugs so then I told dh they must be inside of me. I also had another panic attack a couple nights later and thought there were people watching me in my car and in my house. It was so bad that I had to leave my house and stay at a friends. I was out of my mind. I went to the emergency room where I work and had to get anxiety medication to take when I would start to feel to paranoid or anxious. The medication has leveled out and I haven't had those side effects since.
I still wake up in the middle of the night freaking out about everything.
I hope it gets better. I know I lost my mind.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
(((((((CAWETTIG...SO MANY HUGS)))))) I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope the medication begins to help and I would also encourage you to take some of the advice of those who have responded to my post....meditation, journaling your thoughts, etc. I wish none of us had to be in this situation.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section