Missing work

angelsnight · May 2013

This is my third week back to work since having six weeks off after our loss. The first few days was very hard, but I have begun to see the good that being back to work has done me, but somedays are harder than others.

On my first day back I left at noon, which I should have gone ahead and scheduled a short week to begin with to make it easier, but while I was gone I had no idea where I stood with vacation time. Then that thursday I asked my boss if I could use a vacation day (since I did indeed have some) for the next day Friday.

The following Monday my husband decided to call in, and well....you dangle a bone in front of a hungry dog's mouth, their likely going to take the bone, which I did and called off as well. Tuesday I was already scheduled to leave at 3 for my RE appointment.

This morning I was feeling pretty crappy emotionally, but I showered, preparing to go in when my jaw popped noisily and hurt. It's been popping a lot in the last couple months, I suspect I am grinding my teeth at night due to stress and grief. I've been planning on going to the dentist if it didn't get better, so I used that as an excuse and called in today....I am going to the dentist but truth be told I could have gone into work, and scheduled an appointment and just left early some day, I didn't HAVE to go today.

My boss has been awesome about time off, and I do have the time to take and right now I am not responsible for much work since my boss has given me a few weeks to get readjusted before I put too much back on my plate. But I feel sooooo guilty about calling off three times in three weeks. I mean, I know he knows why, but still, I don't want to take advantage of his sympathies. I have a meeting with him tomorrow so I think I might talk to him and let him know I appreciate his patience while I get back into the swing of things.

Did anyone else have a hard time when they went back to work?

shandorfml2 · May 2013

I am still having a hard time. I've gone home a few times because I've lost it. I can usually make it to lunch then I get overwhelmed. I'm a counselor and I'm finding it really hard to do my job right now. Last week was hard, but I was having a lot of anxiety about her burial. I think it will be a bit easier now, but then I worry about people feeling I should move on and be better now. I take it day by day. It's really hard but I've learned to do what I need to do for me. Like today, I called in sick (and I really am sick) but I feel guilty. I'm trying not too.

SaltyDonut · May 2013

The days are getting better, but I ABSOLUTELY have had a hard time coming back to work, and at that I had to return only a week after my loss because of $$ constraints and limited "staffing". Because my pregnancy was on the rocky side I didn't tell people at my job (beyond my boss) I was expecting or about my loss. The young lady that provided the coverage for me when I was out though (I believe) told people the reason I was out, however unless I told them NO ONE has mentioned a thing. Which I am grateful for.... I kind of always operate on the private side.

Since coming back I have cried A LOT at my desk at different moments and I have to say everyone at my office has handled it beautifully... for me it was by acting as if everything was normal. Down to allowing my cry before coming in and asking me for things I am responsible for.

I say if your lucky enough to have an understanding boss, definitely thank him for his patience as you make your transition back to work as the "new" you. Then let go of any work-related guilt you might have... God knows we have bigger obstacles to over come. Good luck chica!

My thoughts are with all of you ladies!

OSUWifey09 · May 2013

I was out for six weeks, and I had to jump right back in [I work at a university and came back right when enrollment advising started, so it was super busy]. That helped, but I still had days I had to dip out. Shoot, I'm nine months out from my loss, and I still take "mental health days" to pull myself back together. It's definitely tough, and I hope the days get better for you. *hugs*

Noethola · May 2013

I took a week off and then went back. I think having a patient and understanding boss is a blessing, absolutely. You should thank them for their understanding. Do not feel guilty for still needing time off. I get mentally exhausted at work, and have to be able to walk away when needed. I over communicate with my boss to make it happen, and he is ok with it as long as I get my work done and nothing slides.

thecuddleeffect · May 2013

I mostly had a hard time b/c of all the pity looks, and no one would talk to me b/c they didnt know what to say :-/

There are still days when I wish I could just not get out of bed tho...

jmlind · May 2013

Honestly, I'm still having a hard time too and my loss was a while before yours. I'm taking some time for myself on Friday. It's just really hard, but you need to take care of you. If your boss allows it, then really, you just need to take care of yourself. I would suggest speaking with him and see what's permissible and what isn't in terms if amount of time off so close together if it continues to be a frequent temptation. But save some time for down the road, when you're doing better overall, but it hits unexpectedly (like my today!)

alpinemomma · May 2013

Go on short term disability if you have that insurance and take more time off to heal

alpinemomma · May 2013

I know, it got so bad with all the pity and the painful memories of my pregnancy no more that I developed PTSD and had to go on diability and leave that position

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