Intro from an occasional dirty lurker

IdigDirt · May 2013

Hi Ladies!

I am starting the process of becoming a licensed foster parent in hopes of being able to adopt a child. We have a biological son who is almost 2 and we know it will probably take a long time so we are hoping when the time comes they will be close in age.

Here is the issue. I know it will be no problem to get foster kids, there are tons of them but I would like a child under 5 and who's parental rights have been terminated because I don't want to foster for a long time just to have to give them back. In this state (not sure about others) kids under 10 are not considered "available for adoption" when placed in foster care. How it was explained to me is that they are placed and then all other avenues are looked at and then the kids are offered to the foster parents, I am still fuzzy on that whole thing but I figure if parental rights are terminated we have a better chance. I am fine with doing short term fosters until we get our forever kid (is that a word? I am really so new to this).

So my question is does anyone have experience with foster to adopt (we have lots of experience with this with dogs, 3 time foster failures here but know it is so different for humans) and also adopting a kid around 4 or 5?

Hope you guys don't mind if I hang around. You guys seem to know your stuff.

Sorry this was so long.

mtendere · May 2013

So it is going to vary somewhat from state to state. Fosteradopt can certainly be a roller coaster. There aren't a lot of legally free young kids available unless they have pretty significant special needs or are part of a sibling group with older kids. Usually, if you are part of a fosteradopt program, you are matched with a child who caseworkers expect to be headed toward TPR adoption. Its rarely already a done deal. If they are placed in a regular foster home before parental rights are terminated, that family will have the first opportunity to adopt. So, if you are looking for a young, legally free child with no or mild special needs, you're probably in for a long wait and it may be unrealistic depending on your area. You may want to talk to some local foster families or case workers about what to expect.

IdigDirt · May 2013

mtendere:
So it is going to vary somewhat from state to state. Fosteradopt can certainly be a roller coaster. There aren't a lot of legally free young kids available unless they have pretty significant special needs or are part of a sibling group with older kids. Usually, if you are part of a fosteradopt program, you are matched with a child who caseworkers expect to be headed toward TPR adoption. Its rarely already a done deal. If they are placed in a regular foster home before parental rights are terminated, that family will have the first opportunity to adopt. So, if you are looking for a young, legally free child with no or mild special needs, you're probably in for a long wait and it may be unrealistic depending on your area. You may want to talk to some local foster families or case workers about what to expect.

Thanks! I am still waiting for a call back from the recruiter so I can ask about all that. I know it might take a while but I just don't want to lose a kid I fall in love with. A friend said the caseworker can have the inside info about kids who will probably go up for adoption so they may be able to help us out. I hope they call soon because I have so many questions and I am so excited to get the process started.

mtendere · May 2013

We decided to become straight foster parents just open to the idea of adoption should it arise. We also didn't want the conflicting emotions around a desire to do what is right for the child and the desire to adopt, so we have taken a step back. Foster to adopt can work well and there are ladies here who have done so successfully, so hopefully they will chime in, but we decided to go in a slightly different direction, partly for the reasons you have outline here except we aren't willing to wait as long as you are!

Ginger71 · May 2013

I have no advice on foster to sdopt but I am learning that the adoption laws in pa are pretty strict. I would check with a lawyer just to make sure that the info. You have is correct. I could have had a real mess if I did not check with ours.

Good luck with the process and a big welcome to you

IdigDirt · May 2013

Thanks for the support and advice! I am in NJ now but I will contact a lawyer once we actually get certified. That is a 6 month process and then finding a kid will take a while. Maybe we should just do the foster thing with being open to adoption. That may be faster since I could lose opportunities of lots of kids getting adopted by their foster parents as soon as they are available for adoption. I just don't know if my husband could handle getting attached and letting go.

Ginger71 · May 2013

P.s your LO is adorable

That sweet smile!

[Deleted User] · May 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

IdigDirt · May 2013

Ginger71:
P.s your LO is adorable That sweet smile!

Thanks That was almost a year and a half ago but I can't bear to update it. I am in denial that he will be 2 in less than a month.

Intro from an occasional dirty lurker

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