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Single Parents
Lost and NO clue what to do......
This is a long post, but I need some advice.
The father of my daughter and I were together for about 4 years. We fought a lot and never seem to agree on lots of stuff. The first two years of our relationship was pretty amazing, but after that when I moved back home from college things seem to change. He became this different person. I would find stuff on his phone and he would deny it with some kind of story. When we would go out we would fight or if I found out something he was up to no good I would confront him and it just lead to another fight.
Well in the summer of 2011 I had a feeling that he had cheated on me and was having a baby with another woman. It was just a feeling as a woman that I was getting. Long and behold in Sept I found out he had indeed had a baby boy with a women he had claim he did not like at all.
It WAS the worse day of my life, I remember it like it was yesterday. I got so depress and so hurt by everything but some how I was able to forgive him and stay with him because he still wanted to work things out. Well in Jan I got pregnant with him. It was not plan but we weren?t being safe either. When I told him I was having the baby he tried so hard to get me to have an abortion. I didn?t want to and finally just said no. He basically MIA on me through my pregnancy and was nothing but an as*hole to me. During my 7th month of pregnancy he started to come around and I gave him the chance to be there for our daughter, he painted this picture of us being together and making things better for everyone. I was all in for it until I found out he was married to the women he had cheated on me with and had the baby with. I was so hurt and so out of it that it was so sick to know that the person I was with for so many years had done nothing but lied to me back to back. I finally gave up and just let it go.
After a week or so of letting things calm down we talked and I agree that he can be in our daughters life. I only wanted what was best for her and felt like she deserves to have her father there.
In Oct my princess was born, it was and forever will be the best day of my life. It was such an amazing experience and such a blessing that each time I think about that moment I always tear up. J
Well anyways since that day her father has basically been in and out of her life. He treats his son like a king and treats his stepdaughter like a queen while my daughter gets nothing from him. I will never forget how for Christmas he got my daughter NOTHING while he got his son and stepdaughter and wife, Gucci gifts and Burberry items. While my daughter does not need anything from him it hurt though to know he didn?t care enough to buy her a bottle or something. It has been like this for the past 7 months and I am pretty much on a breaking point with him. When he does see her he only tries to get me to sleep w him or we start to fight when I stand up for myself. He has the habit of trying to make me feel stupid or not worth being a woman. It hurts but I deal with it for my daughter?s sake. I have never been so disrespected by someone like the way he does it to me.
I am now finally at the stage where enough is enough and I am no longer going to allow him to see her. I was nice with him in letting him see her I didn?t put him on child support I didn?t fight with him when he wanted to see her. I had to put up with his crazy wife talking about wanting to get my child a good reality slap, whatever that means. He is not on the BC.
What I am worried about is if he does take me to court to get custody to my daughter what can I do to keep him on supervised visits? Or what are the process people go through in court? I live in the state of VA
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Re: Lost and NO clue what to do......
Wow, that sucks. Not a whole lot of advice and none form personal experience. I would suggest you make a journal about every interaction that you have with him from here on out.
Do you think he will try to get any visitation b/c if he does he will most likely have to pay child support, maybe it won't be worth it to him.
However, can you prove that he is an unfit father? sure he seems like a jerk, but would he put her in danger? Does he do drugs? If not it's my understanding that the courts will most likely NOT denying visitation right just b/c he's an a**hole to you. Also, I'm not sure of the answer here, but are you really sure that your daughter doesn't deserve a relationship with her father and siblings?
If the court does decide to give him some visits, maybe you could push for them to be supervised at first. Maybe it would work out better for him to see her w/o you b/c then he won't be trying to sleep with your or cause fights or whatever.
good luck!
If he is not on the birth certificate, he has no legal rights. If he wants to get legal rights, he will have to go to court to get them. Seriously, how likely is he to put forth that much effort? And when he does, how happy will his wife be when he has to start paying child support?
Start a log of his contact with the child. Print out every text and email that you receive from the crazy duo. Write each entry in PEN on a PAPER calendar - courts seem to prefer that to a computer generated log.
Contact a family law attorney in your area. Ask him/her what your options are in this situation. Since he is not on the birth certificate, he has no legal right currently to visitation. Since visitation seems to be a way to harass you, perhaps you can stop visits, but that might not make you look good in the eyes of the courts. So ask the lawyer what you can safely and legally do to protect yourself from his unwanted behavior.
You might want to only schedule visits in the park, in public, so that he won't start making moves on you. Inform him of this change via email, not over the phone, and cite your reasons -- "During previous visits, things become uncomfortable for me. You make sexual advances towards me or we begin to have verbal fights. For the best of the child, I would like to limit visits to public areas like parks or playgrounds. I would also like to limit all of our communication about child to emails with phone calls being used only in time sensitive situations." He will put up a stink, but hopefully it will be in written form that you can then add to your log. Before you make that change or any change, make sure that is a good option with your lawyer for your jurisdiction. You don't want to do anything that could lose ground for you in court.