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Drama in Sweetie's world

sweetie0228sweetie0228 member
in Blended Families
I got the strangest phone call today. My x called me and said that he would sign the papers to allow H to adopt the children. He claimed it's not monetary but there have been some changes in his life and he needs to know that the children will be taken care of and they deserve to have a stable family. He's sorry for all the pain and chaos he's caused. He knows H's a good man and that was something that made him angry and he knew he wasn't.
I asked him what is going on, and I point blank asked him are you dying.
And he claims that yesterday he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and he has a 50/50 chance and wants to make peace with everyone. And go into this treatment with a clear conscience and wants to know that we have all buried the hatchet.

He asked me if I was still willing to drop CS if he signed the papers for H to adopt the children. I said yes, but what do you want to do about court at the end of the month I don't know if I can get anything stopped before then. He claimed he didn't know about it. He said that this has nothing to do with not paying CS but he can't potenially leave the burden of CS on his wife. He eloped in Las Vegas with his GF (the guy who has no job and had to have CS lowered and promptly stopped paying) and they went to the grand canyon and because of the altitude he developed a headache that wouldn't go away for 2 weeks and ipso facto was diagonsed w/ a brain tumor YESTERDAY and wanted to tell me right away and get things settled between us and that the kids are in a stable loving home.

I offered "comfort" by saying your grandmother had a brain tumor and was able to come through that and lived on for several more years. You take after her a lot. Then he says, oh yeah about that she passed a few years ago from another brain tumor. I told him that I knew. I found the obituary online when he went missing and Domestic Relations couldn't find him. He then said yes I went missing. I was in rehab. I got pretty deep into drugs and was in a very bad place. I've been to rehab 3 times.and now I'm 3 years sober.

He went on to talk about the dark bad place he was in.

Then he asked how the children were. I said they were fine and happy. DD went to prom and is beautiful and happy. I told him DS was diagnosed with Autism and that was why I felt it was best to move them away, DS needed stability and consistancy. X then told me he understood that diagnosis and looking back he can see it. He asked about the severity of impariment. I explained that DS has Asperger's Syndrome. He has therapies and supports at school and he's thriving.

He didn't ask to see them, he didn't ask to say goodbye, he didn't ask for photos. I just wanted me to tell them that he loves them and wants them to have a great life w/ H and me.  He made many apologies for how he treated me and that I didn't deserve that and he really cares about me.

And then he made sure that I would call domestic relations and have CS stopped. I said as soon as the paperwork is signed and filed I would have it stopped.

I don't know what to think. I think a lot of it is bullsh!t b/c he's a liar. But things I think are true... HE had a headache. He married GF, They don't want to pay CS and she told him he was an idiot that he didn't sign the papers when i presented them to him last september. He's probably been cut off and Mommy isn't going to be paying the back CS that will need to be paid at court on the 23rd. He's panicking and realized the only way to stop it was to use the out I offered.
 
Or He's about to come into money and he doesn't want to have it garnished.
 
Less than 6 months ago it was "asinine to consider giving up paternal rights"
 
He gets this diagnosis and I'm his first call?  NOW he wants to make sure the children are taken care of by never having any ties to them again.
 
It's weird b/c technically it's what I want, but my x is Bipolar, a narrissist, and a pathological liar.

What say you?
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Re: Drama in Sweetie's world

  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    Who knows how much of what he said is the truth. But I think he's outright lying about his motivations. His reasons don't even make sense to me. I'd say you're right that he's about to come into money.

    What an a-hole. 

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  • sld5711sld5711 member
    imageJNL$LSM:

    I know this sounds mean, but if he is dying I would not let DH adopt the children, you might be able to get Social Security Death Benefits for the children.

    He sounds more worried about you dropping CS, then his children.

    This and what PP have said.  I would not stop anything until the adoption was complete.  His reasons just dont sound truthful.

    BFP 11/23/11...CP 11/29/11 BFP 12/28/11...Natural MC 1/19/12 BFP 2/22/12...EDD 11/2/12 new EDD 10/28/2012 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imageJNLLSM:


    I know this sounds mean, but if he is dying I would not
    let DH adopt the children, you might be able to get Social Security Death
    Benefits for the children.

    That is the only reason my Mommy did not let my Daddy
    SD adopt my sister and I. She went to an attorney and had it set up that if
    something happen to her my Daddy SD would get custody of my sister and me. He sounds more worried about you dropping CS, then his children.



    She could put anything in her will but the biofather would likely get custody if his rights have not been severed and he wanted custody. But I think you have legit comments here too that if something were immediately to happen to him that your son is entitled to that SS money. He sucks so bad!
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    Very tough decision to make and who knows for sure if he is lying or not. I'm not sure what I would do. I know you've preferred int he past that he sign over rights but I think if he is sick and dies then the kids are entitled to his death benefits. I would definitely not stop CS at this point though.
    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • lookame3639lookame3639 member
    I was told once by ex that he had cancer. He had some lumps while we were together and he claimed he got them checked out and they were tumors. He didnt know how to answer my question of "what type of cancer is it?" His story fell apart right there. He used the excuse to not take visitationhe wanted to go out of state and party instead and to get high even though its illigal in our state. I didnt want to call him in case he truly was sick and played along for a few weeks then called him out. I cant trust a thing he says unless I have proof. He still finds it funny...I dont. Using a serious and deadly illness to get out of responsbilities does not go well with me.

    ETA what do you feel comfortabke with doing? Do you beleive him that he truky may pass and if he does are you ok with collecting survivors ss or donyou feel hes using this as an excuse to get out of a serious responsibilty? If hes using it to get out of his responsibilty what do you feel ok with allowing him to walk away?
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  • jenjen930jenjen930 member
    Honestly it sounds like he just wants to not pay CS.  I agree with PP's that the kids would get SSDB if by chance he is telling the truth and he passes.  You could use that money for all kinds of things.  I think I would do that.  Honestly what will change now if DH adopts them?  If you and he are the ones taking care of them now anyway, nothing.  They know who loves them and who is there for them. 
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    I can't even begin to get in the head of a person like that.  You would think a death sentence would cause a person to want to see their kids and spend some of their last days on earth with them.  I mean if he dies can't your H adopt them at that time.

    I too am cynical and tend to think the new GF is pushing him into this to stop the CS.

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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    Bipolar, a narrissist, and a pathological liar. Because you said he is this^^^ I call bullshiit! Don't trust him.

     

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Yeah, I don't believe this either.

    When you said he didn't ask to see or talk to the kids...that pretty much nailed it for me. 

    Something stinks here.

    Don't you dare drop CS.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • StephanieLove10StephanieLove10 member

    If this guy has cancer, I'm the Queen of England.  He's tired of paying child support and knows the sure fire way to be done with it is to have his parental rights terminated.  He knows you've had enough of his shenanigans, and instead of just saying, "Hey, I suck.  Your married to a good guy.  Let's just cut the crap and I'll sign whatever needs to be signed so I can go on being a total dirtbag" he makes up a fake diagnosis.

    Dollar to donuts, IF he does sign away his rights, you will hear from him again in a couple of months/years about his miraculous recovery and wondering if the kids want to go out for ice cream.

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