Faith Fridays (9-2-16) Good Parenting

Prof=Mom · September 2016

When I first saw this picture I thought "Why would you do this? Why would you put this in a child's room no matter how much they love dinosaurs?" "Worst sleepover ever!"

Then I realized that parenting is not an easy task. Sometimes parents don't make the best decisions. Sometimes we try to be friends instead of parents. Or we want to be the cool mom.

In my neighborhood I've become the random mom who stays outside to watch the kids play, yells "get down from there" even if its not my kid, etc. Why bc someone has to do it. I don't care how many "we were just having fun"s I hear there is a real responsibility to keep kids safe and teach them right from wrong. Even if (or especially if) the other parents are nowhere to be found. They also come to me for advice or for answers to random questions which shows they at least think I take them seriously.

We have all had our own experiences with our parents and other parents as we were coming up. Some mom's were super cool and let you do whatever you wanted. Some were drill Sargeants and you got away with nothing. Some were in between. Now think of how the kids turned out. Parenting is not always a concrete indicator of a child's potential, personality or progress. But you can often tell when someone has taken the time, energy and patience with a child. Let us never be too busy, frustrated or scared to teach our babies the right thing, popular or not. It's for our own good.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 ASV

https://bible.com/12/pro.22.6.ASV

shortangel8604 · September 2016

I totally agree. My husband like to have xbox parties and invites a ton of people. The last few times I wasn't there at the beginning for some reason. His sister comes with her 3 kids and doesn't watch them and they ended up getting into everything. And I had to clean it up. It's like oh I don't have to parent cause someone else will for me. No you the parent has to teach your child respect of other people's stuff, and respect of other people. I 100% believe that verse.

marikkita12 · September 2016

Before you start reprimanding other kids because YOU think it's wrong/unsafe/whatever, have you talked to these kids' parents? Have you considered that maybe that parent doesn't mind that their kid is up high in the tree? Have you considered that that kid knows his/her limits and knows how high they can go? Have you considered that their parent is watching from their house? Honestly, I don't think it's your place to be correcting other kids and if those were my kids that you are correcting? I would be incredibly upset

yellowrose314 · September 2016

You come off pretty sanctimonious with this post, and very finger pointy. Like @marikkita12 said, it doesn't seem like you've considered other factors, such as their own parents watching them. Yes, kids need limits, but leave that to their own parents to come up with, unless those parents have specifically asked you to keep an eye out and you're ok with doing that. Yes, kids need to learn right from wrong, but they also need to be allowed to be kids, make mistakes and learn from them; unless those are your children, I don't see that you have a right to do that.
I also don't necessarily agree that you can tell how a kid was raised based on what they do later in life. I was raised in a moderately strict household, my dad was a police officer and my mom worked together with him to establish clear limits and rules. I had a fairly uneventful group of teenage years, went to college, became a nurse. My sister dropped out of high school, went to rehab 4 times, and is now clean and sober and is a manager at a grocery store. Both raised by the same parents, both turned out incredibly different. There are so many more factors than parenting styles that influence how children develop and mature.
So personally, I think you need to step of your soapbox a bit, because you're coming off incredibly preachy. Putting a dinosaur picture on your kids wall doesn't make you a bad parent. Letting your kids go to the park or play on their own on the street doesn't make you a bad parent. Letting your kids climb trees doesn't make you a bad parent. Ease up and let the kids be kids; as long as they are being respectful, they're not hurting anyone, and they're not being jerks, let them alone.

Prof=Mom · September 2016

Thanks for your thoughts. No the parents weren't around and often arent, nor are they watching from their house. The bigger shame is if something could be prevented but isnt. But use your best judgment is always the best advice. Kids will be kids but when they tell you that they want to change their name to "Dangerous Dangerous Dangerous" that might be a sign they are looking for attention the wrong way. And yes a kid actually told me that.

KimmySchmidt · September 2016

I have to voice - this post rubbed me the wrong way. There seems to be some judgement bubbling not far under the surface.

To your loosely-related points.....
1. I don't see the problem with this mural, but you seem to take it as an obviously poor parenting decision. Clearly it's not within your taste and you fear that it could disturb a child's sleep. But if it isn't your house and it isn't your kid, it's really none of your business. No one is in danger. Just because you would lose sleep in a room with a dinosaur on the wall doesn't mean that a child who presumably likes dinosaurs would. Maybe a cool mom did put this mural up on the wall. So what? Just because it's cool doesn't mean it's bad. Live and let live. There are million poor parenting decisions to be made, where a child's well-being is at risk, and you chose to pick apart some parent's decor choices to hold up as an example.

2. To your second point, about becoming neighborhood mom-patrol, I'd like to echo the sentiments of some previous posters. Do not take a parent's apparent absence as a lack of involvement when it is likely a deliberate choice, and again, none of your business. "Free range" parenting is a thing, and it is not an invitation for you to tell kids what they can and cannot climb. You have absolutely no responsibility to teach the entire neighborhood YOUR notion of what is right and wrong.

I'm a neighborhood mom who stays out front while my kid plays in the street, and there are boundaries. 6 year old neighbor playing outside tries to chase a ball in front of a moving car while mom is inside, I get him out of the way. 6 year old climbing on top of their family van while mom is inside? Not my problem, responsibility, or business. 6 year old trying to climb on MY family vehicle? My house, my rules. It's one thing if you have an understanding with your neighbors and permission to care for them, but a neighbor imposing her rules on all the kids on the bock would not go over well in on my street.

3. To your third point, which seems to be that strict parents are the ones to take "time, energy and patience" and that this is reflected in their children. Or, maybe that being the "cool mom" is equivalent to taking the easy way out, and that we shouldn't do that.

We all have our own kids, and our own personalities and parenting styles. What works for one parent with one kid, will not work with another. If anything, my parents gave more time and energy to my brother growing up, because he was just a really difficult kid. And guess what, now he's a difficult adult.

I know you qualified/undermined your whole statement by acknowledging that parenting is not always to blame for a child's personality, progress, etc. but I think this whole statement seems to suggest that stricter is better, and I know that's not right for me. And that's OK. If you run a "tighter ship" it doesn't make you a better parent, it makes you a different parent. Being a "cool mom" and being a "good mom" are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and I doubt any parents would appreciate being pidgeon-holed with such labels anyway. Parenting is way too fluid for that.

Sorry for the rant.

Prof=Mom · September 2016

No worries, rants are good. They encourage dialogue and idea sharing.

Parenting is fluid, and hard, and awesome. We all are influenced by what we saw or learned as kids. Strict is not always best, but not being involved is just as bad. Labels aside we all know exceptions to the "rule". We encounter kids that don't have any support system but are fantastic. Then others with everything handed to them but are more challenging. The ultimate point is that we do our best to raise our kids to be ready for what we may expect life to bring and pray that God will protect them from even what we never expect. They are His children as well as ours.

Want a personalized experience?

Faith Fridays (9-2-16) Good Parenting

Re: Faith Fridays (9-2-16) Good Parenting

Choose Another Board

Search Boards