Don't plan on telling family the gender

xxpairofmedicsxx · May 2013

I agree and disagree with various points above but also have to add at one point I wanted a boy so I did not have to look at all pink and purple while browsing in the stores and for my baby shower. Once I found out I was having a little girl? ... it's almost 100 percent pink and other girlie colors.

You may have a change of heart once you know for sure what you're having.

kjenkins346 · May 2013

I don't have any problem with getting items from flea markets or thrift stores. The only reason that I care because flea market/thrift store stuff can't be returned/ exchanged and seeing how she has been in the past with other gifts I fully expect a major guilt trip if we don't put the baby in the outfits she has picked out every time she sees him/her. My problem isn't where the outfits are coming from and I have no plan to tell her what she can and can't buy. I was just hoping that if she doesn't know the gender of the baby, then she can't buy 1/2 the stuff she sees, wasting her money on fancy dress up clothes that we won't have that many chances to use anyway. I know she'll buy stuff from the flea markets/thrift stores this summer, but if she has to buy gender neutral stuff or stick to toys, etc. then hopefully it will at least be stuff we are more likely to use. No matter what she buys, I'll of course be gracious in accepting it. Like I said before, we can/will purchase anything that our baby really needs, I just thought this was a way to limit (at least until after the baby is born) her buying stuff for the baby that we will just have to donate which I KNOW will set her off.

Seems like I'm damned either way. If we tell her the gender and she buys stuff that we won't use and will just give away, I'll get the guilt trip from her. But according to some people, if I try to avoid that by not telling her the gender thus limiting the useless stuff she buys, I'm ungrateful anyways.

StephanieLove10 · May 2013

Please update this post after the baby's born so we can find out if you bothered to tell your family the baby's name, or if you also considered that to be too personal.

Miss_2010 · May 2013

WashingtonQueen:
If you want all gender neutral stuff anyway then is there a point to finding out before birth?

Yes

graciesmurf · May 2013

Your baby, your rules. YH is the only one you need to agree with you.

Jillwithani · May 2013

kjenkins346:
I don't have any problem with getting items from flea markets or thrift stores. The only reason that I care because flea market/thrift store stuff can't be returned/ exchanged and seeing how she has been in the past with other gifts I fully expect a major guilt trip if we don't put the baby in the outfits she has picked out every time she sees him/her. My problem isn't where the outfits are coming from and I have no plan to tell her what she can and can't buy. I was just hoping that if she doesn't know the gender of the baby, then she can't buy 1/2 the stuff she sees, wasting her money on fancy dress up clothes that we won't have that many chances to use anyway. I know she'll buy stuff from the flea markets/thrift stores this summer, but if she has to buy gender neutral stuff or stick to toys, etc. then hopefully it will at least be stuff we are more likely to use. No matter what she buys, I'll of course be gracious in accepting it. Like I said before, we can/will purchase anything that our baby really needs, I just thought this was a way to limit (at least until after the baby is born) her buying stuff for the baby that we will just have to donate which I KNOW will set her off.
Seems like I'm damned either way. If we tell her the gender and she buys stuff that we won't use and will just give away, I'll get the guilt trip from her. But according to some people, if I try to avoid that by not telling her the gender thus limiting the useless stuff she buys, I'm ungrateful anyways.

I really hope you graciously accept things that can and can't be returned because if you want to return things that can't there are plenty of good homes where they will be appreciated: https://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/

SammieJane · May 2013

Whether you choose to reveal the sex of your baby is a personal choice, and who really cares. Think about this, you are worried about what people buy you that you can't return, and you being super picky about clothes; sorry to break it to you, but people wish they had your problems! Some people have no clothes for their children, or lost all of them in tragic disasters, complain when you have something of importance worth complaining; until then count your blessings and stop being such an ingrate. Remember not everyone has first world problems.

Liz4444 · May 2013

megswen:

We're doing this for the same reasons! I'm 15 weeks along and will find out the sex in about a month. I am the pickiest person in the world when it comes to baby clothes. No words, no pictures, no neons, no pink/blue specific. I hate the gender rolls people put even the newest of babies in! Girls can wear blue, and boys can wear pink. And, for all that is holy, baby girls in ruffles and lace and pearls? I would rather throw up, I really would.

So we're finding out, but not telling a soul. I know my family would buy gender-specific clothes, and I would hate it. I'm also going to try and make my point throughout the whole pregnancy that I like simple and plain clothes, with simple and plain patterns and colors. Hopefully they get the memo by the time the baby is born.

I think it's an awesome idea! More power to ya!

Does no one give their family and friends any credit? I'm assuming these are the people that know you best, don't you think that they know your taste? I have a girl and am having another one. My friends and family know that I don't like rhinestones, tutus, and giant headbands, and guess what, we haven't gotten any. People are smarter than you think.

Jillwithani · May 2013

SammieJane:
Whether you choose to reveal the sex of your baby is a personal choice, and who really cares. Think about this, you are worried about what people buy you that you can't return, and you being super picky about clothes; sorry to break it to you, but people wish they had your problems! Some people have no clothes for their children, or lost all of them in tragic disasters, complain when you have something of importance worth complaining; until then count your blessings and stop being such an ingrate. Remember not everyone has first world problems.

I give this a slow clap and a thumbs up!

katiebenes · May 2013

you do realize that as soon as the kid is born- the stores will be visited and the clothes will be bought right? it doesn't matter when they find out.

You just don't put them in the clothes you don't like.

katiebenes · May 2013

kjenkins346:
That's a great idea to announce at the shower! Now the wheels in my head are spinning with cute gender reveal options. Thanks! : )

um... if you're not telling til birth... "gender reveals" are kinda out the window. at that point its "here's the baby. here's his/her name"

kjenkins346 · May 2013

I don't see the point of posting if folks aren't going to bother reading the full story.

I have always and will continue to accept any items we are given with gratitude and would never tell anyone how they can spend their money. I am dealing with a very specific situation (perfect storm) and was just hoping to lessen the situation I am anticipating

I have one specific person (my MIL) who I know is likely not pay attention to the types of items we have selected for our LO, who will be spending every weekend this summer at the flea market and who gets offended very easily. My experience with her has shown that she will continue to purchase items despite us having absolutely no use for because she likes them. I know that once we do announce the gender of the baby, whether at the shower later this summer (which I thought was a good idea) or at the birth, that I won't have any control over the very gender specific/dressy items she will likely purchase and which we will have to deal with the guilt over not using. My thought in waiting until at least the shower is that it should hopefully reduce the shear quantity of dressy/gender specific clothes we get by lessening the time frame between announcement and LO's birth. And that maybe (fingers crossed) if she has the opportunity to see the types of LO clothes we like (on our shower registry) she may in fact follow our lead and if she is going to buy stuff, purchase like items.

I know this is not going to completely prevent this issue but I also don't think we are being selfish for trying to mitigate the situation by limiting her opportunities (by several months) for purchasing items that we won't use and which she will get offended if we don't put on our LO every time she sees him/her.

And frankly between dealing with an offended MIL or having random people think I'm selfish for anticipating the problem and taking steps to try to minimize it, I'm sure you can guess which I'll take every time. Stick out tongue

MzCurnett8886 · May 2013

I think that you holding off on telling her the sex could backfire into her feeling like she has to "make up for lost time" and go on a much larger shopping spree when she does learn the sex. It looks manipulative on your part and ungrateful to other people in the family.

It doesn't sound like she is the type to look at your registry to see what you like as far as clothing goes and if it isn't what you like then donate it. You don't have to give her a reason or even address it with her. There are so many shelters and causes that you can take your pick. My MIL takes everything personally, you have to distance it and just let her get offended, I'm sure if she's anything like mine this isn't the only thing she throws a fit about nor will it be the last. You are giving her ammunition with a message of I don't want to tell you to avoid your gifts that aren't good enough.

msbri1 · May 2013

I found out and I'm keeping it a secret...even from DH who wants to be surprised. I like having my own little secret.

deejohn2012 · May 2013

If I had it to do over, I wouldn't tell. I'm a bare necessities type of person, and even though I will be a SAHM, I know I'm not the type to dress baby in cute little outfits every day. We are having the first grandchild for both sides, and it's a girl. We told everyone as soon as we found out. I am now buried in an avalanche of adorable pink dresses, socks, and even shoes that I know she won't get a chance to wear before she grows out of them. I really appreciate all the gifts, and I'm glad people are excited. I just feel it is a bit of a waste to spend money on something we won't even get to use. I didn't register for a single item of clothing, and I forbid DH from buying any. Turns out it was a good plan, so now we can buy things we actually need! Haha

Paddlefisher · June 2013

msbri1:
I found out and I'm keeping it a secret...even from DH who wants to be surprised. I like having my own little secret.

I'll be interested to see if you can do it. I am in a similar boat - want to know but hubby doesnt. Not sure can keep a secret though.

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