My DH and I are definitely going to find out the sex of the baby (appointment already scheduled for June 4th-fingers crossed they see what they need to : ) to figure it out)
I do not plan on sharing this information with everyone/anyone, especially our families specifically because I know my MIL will run out to the thrift stores/flea markets all summer and buy baby stuff, and I would prefer things that are gender neutral (just not frilly pink/sports blue) and I feel like the only way that is going to happen is if she doesn't know because I know she won't respect my wishes otherwise. I'm also hopefully that if they don't know the gender, we'll get bugged less about what name(s) we are considering and I really don't want to open the door for her "input" on that. I'm fully expecting to get slack and to have to "remind" my DH but does anyone think I'm being silly/selfish to keep the gender of the baby to ourselves until after the LO is born?
Did any of you find out, but keep it a secret? Did it work out like you had hoped?
Re: Don't plan on telling family the gender
The name aspect is a valid point to me. People are a lot less likely to critique/poo poo a name once baby is here.
I say it's up to you. No one has a "right" to information except the parents of the kid.
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It comes across as rude if your only reason for not sharing is you don't want people buying you specific items. That's just MO though.
we did exactly this!!!!!
and for the same reasons!!!
We have known for about a month now, and haven't told a single person what the baby's gender is. it seems like most people think its cool, and the others just get down right angry about it.
we tell them that since being pregnant is so darn "public" that we wanted something to enjoy for ourselves.
We will announce at the baby shower what it is. And since the shower is a surprise for me (im the ONLY one who doesn't know when it is) I asked my hostesses to let me buy a favor for everyone who comes. (We're not doing a separate gender reveal party). And I will give everyone their gift that will have a little poem/riddle on it telling what the baby's gender is. (granted, we're still not sharing the name we have picked out).
Enjoy it! Have fun! I bet more people will think its cool that you're not telling than those who get angry. OR just don't tell anyone that you know what it is, if you don't want to deal with it.
I think I'm just hoping that if she can't go crazy getting super girly or boy stuff all summer (when she spends almost every weekend at the flea market) that it will rein in her purchasing a bit. As first time parents, we would like to pick out things ourselves for our LO and I know that if she gets us stuff and we don't use it, there will be major guilt trips in store. Once the baby is born then they'll be no stopping her I know. Maybe if we wait until after the shower to tell ppl the gender that will at least make it more likely that the main stuff we have will be gender neutral. I just been having visions of getting tons of pink frilly dresses or dress up suits and nothing that we can actually use on a daily basis. I don't plan on putting my kid in fancy clothes that often and I'd like the option to pick out stuff for baby pictures ourselves without feeling totally wastefully for not using the stuff we were given.
The reason why we aren't waiting to find out ourselves is that I am way to much of a planner to not know, plus choosing name options will hopefully be a lot easier with half the options off the table.
I prefer to find out the sex but I just wanted to say if you choose to find out but not to share the information please don't tell anyone you know.
I know some people who will find out, tell people they found out and then say "but we aren't telling". It's so childish. It's like little kids going around saying "I know something you don't know" It literally screams "I want your attention" I have seen it happen.
There's nothing wrong with waiting, finding out, or finding out and keeping it to yourself. Enjoy whichever choice you make.
Not in all cases. We don't go around telling everyone "I know something you don't know". In fact we don't talk about the gender at all unless someone asks us. Its really not attention seeking. Im not going to lie to my friends and family about it. We explain that we wanted something to enjoy to ourselves for a bit. And will tell them when they are all together at the same time.
The only people who are supportive of it are those who aren't close with us. Otherwise people think its a neat idea to have it be part of the party favor for everyone.
I think this reasoning is really flawed, personally. Give your friends/family some credit! There are a ton of nice, every day baby clothes that they could buy. I really doubt they'd choose so atrociously and side eye you a bit for being such a control freak about clothes in particular.
There are great gender neutral items but you will still get a ton of sex specific items when baby is here and being terribly picky about others' gifts is not polite. Just realize that folks are generally not looking to disappoint you when they try to buy you things.
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I actually had a co-worker come up to me and tell me that I was smart for not telling anyone. All they got at their shower was gender specific items, and didn't get the things that they really needed. So, its not flawed thinking at all. (and Ive heard that from a couple other people too).
But that's going to depend on your friends and family. We announced DS's sex-a nd still got all the "essentials." And we were SO lucky. But honestly, it isn't anyone else's responsibility to furnish what you "need" for your LO, and hiding the baby's sex just to accomplish that and avoid getting close is really immature and petty.
Sounds like a good plan to me. Just practice smiling and saying, "It's a surprise!"
I probably would not tell people that you know, though. Just pretend to be Team Green ? that way, people won't hassle you as much and you won't have to do any coy, "we know but we're not telling."
Also, if hyper-feminine and hyper-masculine clothes/toys/gear are not up your alley, make a point of telling your family that. Not everybody will listen, but some will. We told our parents that any character-branded clothing was going to go right into the donate bin, so they don't bother buying in the first place and everyone's happier.
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its not really anyone's business what the gender of the baby is. If they don't like that we're not telling, they certainly don't have to get a gift.In fact no one asked them to buy anything. But when you have people say things like "well how are we supposed to buy a present then?" its equally as immature for them to hold presents over your head. No one is asking them to buy something just because we're having a baby. And if it was up to us, we wouldn't be having a registry at all. It was because of friends and family insisting that we do it, that we made one in the first place. So if they want to go that route then there's nothing wrong with being specific. At least the items would get used, and not just collect and get donated because it wasn't what was needed or wanted.
Not sharing the baby's sex isn't a full proof in getting the things you "need" vs what people want to buy you. You will still have those that purchase yellow and green clothes you didn't register for, random plush toys, and have blankets coming out of your ears.
People buy what they want regardless.
We can afford to purchase everything that we need for our LO, but I know (based upon experience with my MIL's other grandchild) that she loves to buy stuff at thrift stores and flea markets so I'm just trying to rein her in a bit to at least stuff we can use rather than tons of fancy outfits that will just go to waste. My SIL doesn't work so she has time to put her kid in a new fancy outfit and take pictures every other day. I will be working so I won't. I totally understand the impulse to purchase that cute girly-girl/macho-boy outfit when walking through the baby department but I also know that the opportunities for the baby to wear stuff like this are few and far between and knowing myself, I'd rather put my kid in comfortable casual clothes that I can toss in the washer & dryer.
My MIL doesn't exactly take feedback well (everything seems to offend her) so I'm just trying to avoid the issue of her buying stuff we have no intention of using and can't return/exchange for as long as we can.
I would not be able to do this... because my mother will be at the ultrasound I almost have no choice there.... and she will know the moment it shows up on the screen we both will. I had 18 ultrasounds with my last pregnancy I know what everything looks like, and can always tell what is on the screen.
I think if you put the kinds of cloths that you want on your registry that way when the look at it they can see what types of things you want/like and most people will buy the designs they like but the styles you do. Also you could talk to the host of the shower about your concerns with over dressy stuff, and they can talk to the shower guests for you, and it won't be as tacky.
Also I have been looking at gender neutral items and almost everything I find is either PLAIN white, or it leans more to one gender... just saying.
I totally get it! my mother was the same way. (granted for other reasons I had to shut her off several years back) its not worth the stress it will cause you.
i support your thoughts!
I didn't say that I'm trying to force people to purchase off a registry. I probably wouldn't even have a registry (we didn't have one for our wedding) if I didn't know we would need to coordinate some items. I don't need or expect people to buy us things, we are fully capable of getting what we need ourselves but there is a norm these days to have a registry for a baby shower so that folks can get pieces of a matching "set" of things for the nursery if they want.
I would never flaunt it in anyone's face but I don't think I should feel bad for keeping the gender or baby's name to just my DH and I.
Having seen my MIL's behavior the last 1.5 years with her other grandchild, and seeing how she acts with the other items she has purchased for us at flea markets that we can't use (which we always thank her), I just thought it would be a way to stave off this issue at least until after the baby is born.
I think keeping it to yourselves OR telling people is fine! Do whatever you want, it is your baby
I don't think it is rude at all to know and not tell people.
Although I don't understand why everybody is hating on pink frilly girly dresses. I am having a girl and LOVE it when my family buys baby clothes, she will look so cute in a hot pink onesie with frills! I want the silliest/cutest baby clothes in the world, I will be happy with anything free to help the baby but we don't have a lot of money so that may be why my perspective is different.
this
I agree here too
We told everyone the gender but we are however keeping the names to ourselves. Like some others have said, so much of this pregnancy has been so public and everyone wants to know everything so bad, that we just wanted to have some part of it just for ourselves without getting everyone elses input.
If you don't want to tell the gender then don't, it's as simple as that. I have no comment on your motives really because to me, it's yalls baby, you can reveal whatever information you want, whenever you want...that's yalls privelage.
For us, we want to know the sex so that it will be easier to pick a name (we are very indecisive). I also want the gender neutral stuff because I hate pink and ruffles and I hate things with trucks and sports. I don't wear those things, nor does my husband - why would we want our baby to have those clothes? - but unfortunately that's only an option with clothes that are "gender neutral" - the idea that a little girl might look cute in brown, or a little boy in orange, just doesn't occur to a lot of people, or a lot of clothing manufacturers. Everybody wants to color-code the damn stuff, for some reason.
Iris born Halloween 2013! 6 lbs, 1 oz, 18 inches long
It was a decision made it compromise to find out but not tell anyone else. I wanted I find out and DH has didn't so that is what we settled on. I would never do it again.
We're doing this for the same reasons! I'm 15 weeks along and will find out the sex in about a month. I am the pickiest person in the world when it comes to baby clothes. No words, no pictures, no neons, no pink/blue specific. I hate the gender rolls people put even the newest of babies in! Girls can wear blue, and boys can wear pink. And, for all that is holy, baby girls in ruffles and lace and pearls? I would rather throw up, I really would.
So we're finding out, but not telling a soul. I know my family would buy gender-specific clothes, and I would hate it. I'm also going to try and make my point throughout the whole pregnancy that I like simple and plain clothes, with simple and plain patterns and colors. Hopefully they get the memo by the time the baby is born.
I think it's an awesome idea! More power to ya!
I'm Team Green and got a TON of clothes at my shower. A fair amount of plain white, for sure, but mostly yellow outfits with ducks and green outfits with jungle animals.
People just love to buy baby clothes. There's nothing you can do about it. Even if you feel compelled to school them on the kind of clothes you prefer, they still might get it wrong.
The best thing to do is buy the clothes you want, and just graciously accept any gifts you receive. It's surprisingly easy to return things for store credit without a receipt. For the second hand stuff, as someone else suggested, look for a women's shelter to donate it to.