still going through it

i had my baby last year 03/28/12 and i was doing pretty good for the first few months until i had to stop breast feeding bc i wasnt producing enough milk. the depression hit me like a hammer, really really hard.i'm not going to go into dramatics but things got pretty bad. i stopped eating and lost a lot of weight and kind of had to pick myself up. i have a live in bf and tons of support from my family but no one really understood where i was in my life. no one could see how hard it was for me to just wake up everyday. and then i have to read abt women killing their babies it really really terrifies me. i still get down every now and again. my baby boy is a joy and he's a really good baby. but i still feel like i'm a bad mom sometimes. just bc my son and his dad are like peas in a pod mostly bc i work and my bf doesnt. i try to keep myself happy but its hard. i feel like i can talk to no one bc no one understands. i'm currently going through a pregnancy scare and i'm on the fence on whether i want to be preggo again. on one hand i would love more children on the other hand i'm not ready financially and emotionally i'm terrified