Grandparents haven't visited yet.

iambethy · May 2013

Hi, I am very disappointed with my parents. I am one of 4 kids and my parents only girl. I had my daughter 7-1/2 months ago and my parnts have not come out to visit her yet. They live across the country, but I offered to buy their airfare when she was born. They put it off and said they would come out at Christmas, then it was for her Baptism, then it became Easter. Now all of a sudden they are coming out for my oldest neice's 8th grade graduation?????? First, who has 8th grade graduations and second, how is that more important than the birth of their granddaughter? I am extremely heartbroken by this. It makes me feel like my daughter and I are unimportant to them, especially because we had a very close relationship before she was born; much closer than my 3 brothers. I am debating not letting my parents meet their grandaughter. The strain they have caused on our relationship might make me break all ties together with them. My husband does not understand why my parents have done this to us and our child. I have asked my father and can't get a straight answer out of him. I need to know if anyone else has experienced this and how did they handle it. And they are coming out for this graduation; they already bought their airfare.

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Faith 21 · May 2013

Husband's whole family has not seen him. They made trips to see his sister's 3rd child be born but did not come see his first be born. LO is 8 mths old. I have worried and been upset about it but I cant force them. They have to look back and wish they were there.

Mrs.RockyM · May 2013

Honestly, i'd tell your parents exactly how you feel.

Bluedewdrops2569 · May 2013

This is very sad, I am sorry to hear that this is happening to your family. I know it is painful (my mother has not yet met my 8 month old) but in my opinion, all you can do is leave the door open. I know it will be hard but don't get into the world of cutting ties for your daughter. My mother didn't leave any opening for me to have a relationship with my grandmother until I was 14 years old and once I met her it was a nice relationship (regardless of how they felt about each other). I feel like I missed out on some things because of my mother's stubborn attitude and my grandmother's pride. If my mother decides to show an interest I would allow her to meet my son because ultimately, that will be between him and her. (I'm not actively pursuing anything for her but I'm not shutting the door.) Besides, children have a way of discovering the truth about people on their own. (***small disclaimer: I don't know your entire situation, I am just sharing my story and opinion so you know that you are not alone. you're in a tough place but it sounds like you'll put good thought into whatever decision you make).

Empireceo · May 2013

That's really sad and I'm sorry you're going through that. I agree with PP, I would tell them how you feel. It might not make a difference but I think you will feel better. Good luck.

mamaHippo23 · May 2013

Maybe approach it from the angle of how important it is for your DD to know her grandparents. Not necessarily a guilt trip, just emphasis how special the grandparent relationship is and you want your DD to have happy memories of them. But all you can really do is keep the door open for them and hope that they choose to use it and be a part of their granddaughter's life.

Caseyk1127 · May 2013

DH's parents have only met DS twice and spent less than an hour with him each time. They have never even asked about DD ... I'm assuming they know she was born almost 7 months ago, lol. They live 3 hours away and talk to DH several times a month. I think they are just too into themselves. I'm no upset I actually prefer they not be around.

g8trkim · May 2013

This seems weird and my gut tells me there is more to this story than they just aren't coming for absolutely not reason. But anyway, I think if they're wanting to come see her now be the bigger person and let them see her. Even if they caused the tension, you will end up looking like the bad guy if you don't let them meet their grandchild.

fennyann · May 2013

I'm sorry you have having a difficult time. As others have suggested, I would try talking with them and letting them know exactly how you and DH feel. I personally have not went through this but I can only imagine how heart breaking this must be.

rakawistar · May 2013

I would like to second most of the comments made here. And ultimately, no matter what their reasons are, they aren't good enough. I say that because even if they give a detailed explanation and apology, it will still hurt because your daughter and parents can't get those missed months of bonding opportunities back. If I were in your shoes, I would air out your grievances calmly and at an appropriate opportunity (after graduation festivities, no reason to spoil the niece's special day) take a deep breath & let it out, and do your best to move past all the nonsense for your daughter's sake no matter what comes out in the conversational wash.

I speak from experience. I was in similar circumstances myself and it really, really hurt for a long time. I think it hurt for so long because I was so determined to work through it on my own that I didn't speak up and I should have. Only the people we love have the emotional proximity to wound us so deeply. Best wishes to you in this.

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