Red Cross Message

marinlove0528 · May 2013

So I was just told that the latest date for my husband to deploy is ON my due date. One of his higher ups told him the only way that he could be there for the birth is if I sent out a red cross message when I was going into labor and he would not have to deploy. However, I just read online that Red Cross will not relay the message that I am going into labor, only that I have delivered. Any ladies have experience with Red Cross messages?

madde1km · May 2013

Our Family Readiness Officer said that the Red Cross will only deliver the message after you have already given birth. I've never heard of anyone being able to stay behind for the birth of a child, either, but it would be nice if I was wrong!

buddrfly421 · May 2013

My husband was deployed while I was pregnant. I ended up going into labor 3 weeks early and was not able to get ahold of my husband. I called Red Cross once my water broke and they told me that they could not send a message until I had the baby. I tried calling several times hoping to get a different answer from a different perSon, but no luck! I even asked if they would talk to a dr but they still said no. Luckily I was able to get ahold of someone from his unit on facebook and they were able to radio my husband on his mission.

tlalli7106 · May 2013

As a command Ombudsman for my husband's previous tour....PP is correct, a Red Cross message can only be sent one the baby is born and they are able to confirm with your nurse or doctor.

Beachy730 · May 2013

tlalli7106:
As a command Ombudsman for my husband's previous tour....PP is correct, a Red Cross message can only be sent one the baby is born and they are able to confirm with your nurse or doctor.

Ditto. You can call your Ombudsman/FRO or the like when you go into labor and they can contact the command to tell your H you are in labor if you are not able to reach him yourself. AmCross will just tell you to call back after you have had the baby. Also it's usually pretty rare that they will actually let him stay back for a delivery or come home, so regardless of what they said I would plan on him not being able to stay so you can be pleasantly surprised if he is.

When you call AmCross, or if someone else calls for you, you need to have your H's rate,rank, department, division, SSN, and your Dr/Hospital name and number. Make sure you have all of that written down if it will be someone else calling.

Ktbug613 · May 2013

what you read online and what others have said is unfortunately true. I would also be wary that he will actually be able to stay behind. I have never heard of a marine being left behind or sent home for a birth, unless there horrible complications and even then it depends on where your husband is and what hes doing.

BeckyTheEngineer · May 2013

I have heard that the "rules" for sending a Red Cross message are actually a bit more lax. I think you can send one if you are hospitalized, for any reason including labor. I obviously could be wrong, but it is worth a shot. I have not heard of a father coming off deployment for a delivery, except in the case of triplets.

KDS1987 · May 2013

A wife in my husband's unit delivered the day that her husband deployed last year. He did not get to stay back and from what I have heard it is really rare that they will allow someone to stay. I'm not sure why you would contact the red cross at all in the situation of wanting your husband to stay back. Obviously that would mean that your husband would still be in the US, so wouldn't you just call him directly (or whoever your point of contact is if he is training somewhere)? Or are you referring to getting him come back after he has already deployed?

BLT20051 · May 2013

KDS1987:
A wife in my husband's unit delivered the day that her husband deployed last year. He did not get to stay back and from what I have heard it is really rare that they will allow someone to stay. I'm not sure why you would contact the red cross at all in the situation of wanting your husband to stay back. Obviously that would mean that your husband would still be in the US, so wouldn't you just call him directly (or whoever your point of contact is if he is training somewhere)? Or are you referring to getting him come back after he has already deployed?

Even if he's stateside the Red Cross is the official channel to get him home. MH is currently TDY at a course and if I go into labor before my due date I have to send him a red cross message. I will also call him, his unit, and probably his schoolhouse(it's a classified course so he won't have his cell on him) because that's what they told me to do. But the message itself still has to be sent.

Beachy730 · May 2013

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
KDS1987:
A wife in my husband's unit delivered the day that her husband deployed last year. He did not get to stay back and from what I have heard it is really rare that they will allow someone to stay. I'm not sure why you would contact the red cross at all in the situation of wanting your husband to stay back. Obviously that would mean that your husband would still be in the US, so wouldn't you just call him directly (or whoever your point of contact is if he is training somewhere)? Or are you referring to getting him come back after he has already deployed?
Even if he's stateside the Red Cross is the official channel to get him home. MH is currently TDY at a course and if I go into labor before my due date I have to send him a red cross message. I will also call him, his unit, and probably his schoolhouse(it's a classified course so he won't have his cell on him) because that's what they told me to do. But the message itself still has to be sent.

Ditto. In some cases emergency leave won't be granted without an AmCross case number. And generally the AmCross message is more for the command to know the information is official and has been verified than to let the SM know since it can take up to 48 hours for the message to go through. Usually when stateside the SM will hear the message from their spouse or family member a lot sooner than the AmCross message though.

Carnation77 · May 2013

If he's still deployed when you go into labor there's no way he would get home in time for the birth. So even if his COC tells him what's happening, all he can do is stress out about it. It might be better just to wait to call after the baby's born unless you have something set up where he's going to watch on skype.

lovemyboyyss · May 2013

Carnation77:
If he's still deployed when you go into labor there's no way he would get home in time for the birth. So even if his COC tells him what's happening, all he can do is stress out about it. nbsp;It might be better just to wait to call after the baby's born unless you have something set up where he's going to watch on skype.

This. When my husband's mother died last deployment it took DAYS for Red Cross to even reach him.

erinlillian85 · May 2013

So, my husband is due to deploy on my due date as well. He will be away training for an entire month before that. I was told that you can relay the message through the Red Cross, but was told from others who have gone through this that it can take days. My husband's higher up recommended that we call the Key Spouse who then contacts some higher up on the base, who will always know how to reach them wherever they are in the world. They will then let him know through that chain. They told me it would be a lot quicker that way. I don't know if you have a key spouse, but it is something to look into

Good luck!!

mollyxcate · May 2013

This is one of those lies that circulates. Your DH will not be able to deploy late/get out of the deployment/return home for your delivery. I'm sorry. I was told this before I got pregnant and luckily found out that wasn't true at all before I got very far in my pregnancy.

You should be able to get in contact with him after the baby is born, some are lucky enough to be able to skype a birth if he's at his base with a good wifi signal and you're not in a time of no-contact.

My husband missed mine.

Just tell yourself that you'll be fine!

BLT20051 · May 2013

mollyxcate:
This is one of those lies that circulates. Your DH will not be able to deploy late/get out of the deployment/return home for your delivery. I'm sorry. I was told this before I got pregnant and luckily found out that wasn't true at all before I got very far in my pregnancy.
You should be able to get in contact with him after the baby is born, some are lucky enough to be able to skype a birth if he's at his base with a good wifi signal and you're not in a time of no-contact.
My husband missed mine.
Just tell yourself that you'll be fine!

This isn't true either. I've seen it happen. It entirely will depend on the command and where they are at in their train up or if they're overseas already.

Smudges*Mom · May 2013

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
mollyxcate:
This is one of those lies that circulates. Your DH will not be able to deploy late/get out of the deployment/return home for your delivery. I'm sorry. I was told this before I got pregnant and luckily found out that wasn't true at all before I got very far in my pregnancy.
You should be able to get in contact with him after the baby is born, some are lucky enough to be able to skype a birth if he's at his base with a good wifi signal and you're not in a time of no-contact.
My husband missed mine.
Just tell yourself that you'll be fine!
This isn't true either. I've seen it happen. It entirely will depend on the command and where they are at in their train up or if they're overseas already.

QFT

My DH deployed late because we'd just moved here (Germany) and we hadn't received our HHG. He deployed a month after the main body.

There were a few soldiers who were allowed to deploy later in order to be home for the birth of a child.

As BLT states, it is command specific.

That doesn't mean that you should get your hopes up. I delivered while my DH was deployed to Iraq. We did not even consider trying to time his R&R with my EDD (which was very good because my son was born 13 days after his EDD). While its sucks to give birth without your DH, it happens and you move on.

iluvmytxrgr · May 2013

mollyxcate:
This is one of those lies that circulates. Your DH will not be able to deploy late/get out of the deployment/return home for your delivery. I'm sorry. I was told this before I got pregnant and luckily found out that wasn't true at all before I got very far in my pregnancy.
You should be able to get in contact with him after the baby is born, some are lucky enough to be able to skype a birth if he's at his base with a good wifi signal and you're not in a time of no-contact.
My husband missed mine.
Just tell yourself that you'll be fine!

This isn't totally true. My husband's unit frequently delays deployments or sends people home early, depending on the due dates. Last deployment, we had 18 women due to deliver while they were gone. All but one father was able to be here for the births. It completely depends on the command.

ggirl2001 · May 2013

mummyofsix:
OP: Just pointing out in a friendly way that the last 3 posters who said it happens a lot are all Army.
In my many years of being a USMC spouse I have never ever heard of a Marine being sent home or withheld from deployment because of a birth. Ever. Its definitely command dependant, but in this case I also think it might be branch dependent. I just cannot see the USMC doing it.
**cue the 198737 people who's neighbors sisters best friends hairstylist has had 27 babies as a USMC wife and her DH has been sent home for all of them.

Actually yeah, my friend is home right now and was home for the birth of his baby during deployment. His leave was approved as well as several others during this deployment. It is probably different because they are on a West Pac deployment, but it does happen.

ggirl2001 · May 2013

mummyofsix:
ggirl2001:
mummyofsix:
OP: Just pointing out in a friendly way that the last 3 posters who said it happens a lot are all Army.
In my many years of being a USMC spouse I have never ever heard of a Marine being sent home or withheld from deployment because of a birth. Ever. Its definitely command dependant, but in this case I also think it might be branch dependent. I just cannot see the USMC doing it.
**cue the 198737 people who's neighbors sisters best friends hairstylist has had 27 babies as a USMC wife and her DH has been sent home for all of them.
Actually yeah, my friend is home right now and was home for the birth of his baby during deployment. His leave was approved as well as several others during this deployment. It is probably different because they are on a West Pac deployment, but it does happen.
UO: Westpac =/= 'deployment'. Maybe they will send a guy back from a port call, but thats a world of difference to picking him off the streets of Afghanistan and bringing him home for baby.

You should probably tell my husband's command that then too. And since OP doesn't say where H is going, then he could be doing that as well. Basically what everyone is pointing out is that nothing is a sure thing. So yeah, you can take your years of experience, and everyone else's years of experience and everything points too that you just don't know.

Edited: 'You" being general you.

KIR2DS4 · May 2013

Ugh I hate when my husband is gone for months and months without the badge of honor that comes with getting to call it a deployment. OP, every situation is different. Hopefully it works out well for you but you really never can tell until the command decides.

ggirl2001 · May 2013

KIR2DS4:
Ugh I hate when my husband is gone for months and months without the badge of honor that comes with getting to call it a deployment. OP, every situation is different. Hopefully it works out well for you but you really never can tell until the command decides.

Right? I guess I'll just call it "My husband is gone for 6-8 months, but not a deployment, that's only for people in the middle east, he's just gone" Haha.

I seriously don't care WTF it's called. The point goes back to, nobody knows for certain what can happen.

Ktbug613 · May 2013

mummyofsix:
OP: Just pointing out in a friendly way that the last 3 posters who said it happens a lot are all Army.nbsp;In my many years of being a USMC spouse I have never ever heard of a Marine being sent home or withheld from deployment because of a birth. Ever. Its definitely command dependant, but in this case I also think it might be branch dependent. I just cannot see the USMC doing it.nbsp;cue the 198737 people who's neighbors sisters best friends hairstylist has had 27 babies as a USMC wife and her DH has been sent home for all of them. nbsp;

this. its not unheard of but it is very rare in the marines

KIR2DS4 · May 2013

mummyofsix:
Its OK, you can stop the amateur dramatics. I meant in terms of having a husband sent home for the birth of a baby, not in general. If you dont see the difference between flying a MM home from Hawaii and pulling him off a patrol in Kabul, then oh well.

Thanks for clarifying. I just thought you were being a bish.

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