In Law Debate

Robeano · May 2013

So I have a question for all you ladies, this is sort of a poll.

How often do you see your in-laws in a month? (assuming you live close to them). I ask that b/c my in-laws expect at a minimum to see us once a week (which doesn't happen, and makes us the "black sheep" of the family) I'm just wondering if that's normal or if my MIL is WAY to demanding. And I might add, she always wants us to come over there. She doesn't really call or ask to come over to our house. We have to make a point of inviting them.

On the other hand, I see my mom like 2-3 times per week. BUT that's partly due to the fact that we go to the same church and are in the same weight loss club. I don't go out of my way to make sure I see my parents more than my DH's. But my parents call us up more, to go out to eat, to come over etc.

Just looking for what's "normal".

JBDamonM · May 2013

Sadly I probably see my MIL once every 3 weeks, but thats just because DH is part of a big family and there always seems to be an event for one of his nieces, nephews etc. (Note, I say sadly b/c I can't stand my MIL and truthfully once every 3 weeks is more than enough)....

Personally I do not think it should make you the black sheep..... Since having my DD, I feel like MIL now thinks she's entitled to more time with us, if that makes sense. And on a sidenote, I can't stand watching her with DD. It's so damn forced.... all she wants to do is dress up DD in gowns.... It drives me BSC.

I probably see my own mom once every week and a half or two weeks - but she tries to put regular time in with LO in order to build a special relatioship from the get go...... Plus we ask her to babysit and have not asked MIL....

mrskitton · May 2013

I don't think our families are in the "norm," however I see my parents maybe once or twice a month (if there are no holidays.) We see his family maybe the same amount of time.....and both families live a maximum of 30 min away! I guess DH and I are very independent....plus the families don't really take the time to want to come over to visit us as well. Oh well.

ccam · May 2013

DH's family all lives within about 10 minutes. My ILs have always had Sunday lunch at their house every week so we usually see them once a week. But now that we have DS, I find that we are skipping it a lot more because it's only taking away from our family time. It's not a quick eat and run type of thing, instead it pretty much takes up our entire Sunday. I wish we could just do it maybe every other week, but I know that wouldn't fly!

My parents live 2 hours away but we try and see them once a month. Either we go there for a weekend or they come and stay with us. It's so hard and I wish we all lived closer. It's different when it's your own parents!

I also should mention that my MIL also expects us to always come over there. I can't even remember the last time they came over to our house to see DS, which is kind of sad. She does the same with my SIL, who lives literally 2 minutes from her!

oooCarrieB · May 2013

We see MIL like 3 times a yearholidays and DD's bday. We haven't seen FIL and his family in 8 years, but DH is not close to his family and that's fine w me. We see my parents like 1x a month. My parents and MIL live about 2 hours away. FIL lives several states away.

kaf7 · May 2013

We currently live across the country from both sets. For the last 8 years I see my mum 1-2x a year. I usually talk to her on the phone once a week. We will be moving to be a 3h drive from my in laws in the fall and I am terrified that I will be seeing them every week. Once every 1-2m would suit me fine.

itsmevkb · May 2013

My in-laws live about five hours away but we still see them probably once every three to four weeks. They come here because they are both retired and have time for the travel whereas I can't be constantly taking off work and traveling with four kids to go see them.

Anyway, my parents only live about 20 minutes away and I see them probably even less than I see my in-laws.

I'm wondering how long you guys have been married, how long the longest marriage in your husband's family is and how many grandkids there are. I remember back when my sisters were first married and had kids my mother would have dinner every Sunday night which everyone was sort of expected to attend. As the families grew and the years passed though that tradition sort of died off. By the time I got married and had kids we were really only seeing each other on holidays. I wonder if your in-laws will reduce contact over the years as well.

mnj05 · May 2013

Both my parents and ILs live 2 hours away, we grew up in the same town. We see both sets probably once every 2 months on average and every holiday. I honestly don't care for my MIL, she gives me anxiety like no other.

That said, we will be moving back home either this fall or next fall. I already told DH we will have to lay down the law with our parents. Not so much mine because they are very much under the impression that this is our little family of 3 and we need to be just that and they know we will have time for grandparents. ILs not so much. I've decided we can do supper one night a week with each set of parents and when DS gets into sports, we will see them once a week anyway at the very least for games and whatnot. We're pretty independent too and it's super important to me that no one gets in the way of my little family.

TJ1979 · May 2013

MIL lives halfway across the country, and we have seen her twice in 9 months, which is fine with us. SMIL and FIL live an hour away, and it bothers both MH and I how little we see them. Not particularly bc we want to spend more time with them, but because we wish they wanted to spend more time with E.

My parents live 6 hours away, and they have seen E many, many more times than my IL's have. They make an effort to come visit us regularly, and we have gone up there a few times as well. My family is more fun anyhow. But I know MH's feelings get hurt over how little his family sees E.

yodasmistress · May 2013

I work with my dad so I see him every day. I have cut my mother out of my life so I see her never. We see MIL/FIL pretty much every weekend. In addition, MIL is retired so she visits with DS usually 1 morning per week while I am at work.

Robeano · May 2013

As asked here is more information

DH and I will be married for 5 years this August. DH has two brothers who also live in town. Both are married. One has 3 kids. They both see their parents a lot.

I feel like once Hannah came around the expectation of seeing us increased even more, like once a week was bare minimum.

Also MIL and I have a rocky relationship at best. I honestly believe she doesn't think I'm good enough for her favourite son. She hides it well for the most part.

Thank you everybody for your replies.

Mrs.AmyDylan · May 2013

We only live near my parents and brother. However, I will approach it from who sees J the most. Oddly, it is my dad. However, he is retired and watches J for me twice a week when I work in the afternoon. We often have lunch together once a week, a tradition he and I started four years ago when I stopped working traditional hours.

I workout with my mom, but DH watches J. She works near my house, but only has breaks in her schedule when J is napping or going to bed.

My brother works a ton, and we rarely see him, but he randomly texts and drops by.

We all attend the same church, so everyone sees J on Sunday.

It has worked out that whoever makes the most effort and comes to us, sees J the most. Her schedule isn't totally set, so it is hard to get her anywhere at a particular time. It is hard enough getting all my own stuff done with baby in tow, but visiting is particularly hard.

new+tothis · May 2013

My MIL is the same way. We have kind of compromised in that we go to a family dinner once a week. We meet every Tuesday at a restaurant. It's me, DH, DS, SIL, BIL, their 2 kids, MIL, FIL, and grand-MIL. We see them about every other week at church. She used to want us to come over for an entire day (either Sat or Sun) so the once a week dinner at a restaurant has really worked well for us.

My parents live out of state so I see them rarely Crying But I rarely talk to my MIL outside of family dinner or church but I talk to my mom several times a week. I feel like we do a LOT with my ILs and they would love it if we did even more. It's definitely draining. And I actually like my ILs for the most part.

Want a personalized experience?

In Law Debate

Re: In Law Debate

Choose Another Board

Search Boards