Update Can't sort this out and need to put this out there... (long)

designer303 · May 2013

I am having a mental war with myself. I want another baby, but I am terrified to go down that road again so I keep pushing off starting to TTC. My reasons are we had a rough and lengthy time getting pregnant, I had a pretty rotten pregnancy including 9 weeks of bedrest and I guess I'm just really scared about repeats on both counts. I feel like if I end up at the RE as much as I did the first time I won't have much time to spend with G as I was there alot and I still need to get to work so RE appointments would have to occur on my days off which are supposed to be quality time for the munchkin and I. It would also mean that I will put a burden on my mom to come down and take of G while I go to the RE and then if we get lucky enough to get pregnant the OB appointments will start and from what she tells me they will be atleast double what they were last time, because of all the lovely complications I had with the last pregnancy.

In addition because I have been working part-time since I came back to work I will have no maternity leave benefit this time around and if I end up on bedrest again I would most likely be out of work for 5 months- which would mean saying goodbye to almost half my income. In addition I really can't imagine how hard on DH, DS and my mom it would be to help out and try to get through the bed rest again.

So everytime we get ready to start TTC, all these thoughts run into my head and I chicken out. I know that just because my first pregnancy was a certain way doesn't mean that the next one will be, but my OB seems to think its more likely than not and the preterm labor is extremely common in my family so it worries me.

Basically, I guess I don't want to lose out on the next couple years of G's life to trying for another baby, but we are not ready to be done. I know there isn't much anyone else can say since DH and I really need to make this decision, but any helpful thoughts or experiences that you ladies could share would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening, especially if you made it this far Big Smile

** Update** Again I want to say thank you so much for all the wonderful support you ladies gave me yesterday. So much that I got gutsy and pulled the goalie last night and then just for giggles checked when I would O this month and its today- Yikes~! DH is joking and saying that I planned it and I while doubt I will get KU, I'm freaking a little bit.

designer303 · May 2013

SandsandSea- thanks so much for reading my crazy long vent and for your helpful thoughts and encouragement. I really appreciate your perspective, I get so wrapped up in my own head sometimes that I can't see the end of the road and only focus on the bumps.

Inevitably we are going to stop preventing and I am going to try really hard not to get back to that place where I was when we were trying for G. I think it should be easier because I do have our wonderful son who really is the light of my life whereas before we had no children and got to a point where we were really scared that we wouldn't have biological children, which would have been okay, it just wasnt what we wanted.

Thanks again~!

-T- · May 2013

I agree with Sandsandsea. I would just stop preventing and see what happens until you're ready to put your all into TTC.

I tend to get very obsessive. With DS, we were not preventing but I got so wrapped up in TTC that it was all I thought about. It's all or nothing. I think that's why I haven't come off BC already. I know how I am and I don't want to turn into that person.

I hope you get pg soon and it goes swimmingly!

designer303 · May 2013

T- Thanks for the good wishes and I can be that way too so I'm gonna to work on finding the right mindset for a little bit longer and then I think we will see what happens.

Another Dreamer, I am sorry that you had a really rough pregnancy as well the first time around and especially for your losses. It sounds like you have a good plan and I wish you all the best of luck with concieving quickly and a sticky baby soon.

I really appreciate you ladies and your responses so much- guess I will let you all know when I finally man up and pull the goalie!

Jmcmahon21 · May 2013

I agree with everyone else and just see what happens when you aren't trying. You might be surprised how fast/easy it may be this time around. We had a hard time getting pregnant with DS too, not as rough as you though so I can't say I know how you feel. But I'm also not looking forward to going back to RE, I think we'll try for a while without and see what happens, I'm just happy no matter what we have our DS and I'm sure you feel that way too

. I'll pray for you that everything works out for the best!

[Deleted User] · May 2013

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designer303 · May 2013

Thanks Jmcmahon21 for the support and prayers they are appreciated.

Thanks to you also Mtb, I would love to take G to my appointments, but unfortunately my RE requires that if you do that you have someone with you to stay with LO in the waiting room, they don't allow LO's in the exam rooms. But good to know I'm not alone and I hope that you are definitely not in that 10%, hope you are feeling well and the MS is starting to get better.

NNGnome · May 2013

I can't give any advise re getting pregnant as I never went through the RE, (although pps advice to just try for now and see how things go until you are ready to do more sounds good to me), but both this pregnancy and the last were high risk (this one more so than the last), and I went into this one knowing I would be high risk, it is a hard decision for sure, but I really wanted DS to have a sibling, and as pps said, they really don't remember that much at this age.

From the point of view of the OB, I know you said your RE wouldn't let your LO come to the appointments, but our high risk OB has been fine with DS coming, he even stays for the u/s (DH is there in case of DS melt down, which has happened once during the a/s). I think once you are at the OB they should to be able to accommodate children, so you don't miss out too much.

I hope all goes well, and good luck Smile