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Whiny childcare vent

MickeyM04MickeyM04 member
in Parenting after a Loss

We have a nanny.  She has a young son who she brings over every day with her when she watches DS.  It's been a wonderful arrangement and we're all really happy...she's been with us for about 6 months.  Well we always knew that she would have more kids, as she's in a committed relationship with her SO.  She told us when we brought her on that she wasn't planning on having any more kids just yet, because she wanted to get married and buy a house first.  She said she would probably be ready by the time we had our second LO (we are hoping to space them 2 years apart).  Well, she dropped a bombshell and told us that she just found out recently that she's pregnant and due at the end of the year.

I have so many emotions right now, which I can best outline as follows:

1.  Is this going to be too much for her?  By the time her LO is born, her DS will be 4, and our DS will be about 20 months.  We were planning on trying for another LO around September, hoping to space ours about 2 years a part.  Let's assume we do get pregnant right away, just for the sake of this scenario.  Then we are talking about her 4.5 year old, our 2 year old, her six month old, and our newborn.  Doesn't that sound kind of nuts?  I mean she did work in the infant rooms in daycares for awhile but like holy crap.  It starts to make me think we should wait longer to expand our family but I really don't want to do that, especially based on someone else's family situation.

2. This sounds so cheap, but should I really have to pay her the same that I'm paying her now when 2/3 of the kids she's watching will be hers, and one of those will be a newborn who's going to require, and get, a whole bunch more attention than ours?

3. How much time is she going to want/need off?  I clearly can't give her anymore than like 2 weeks, tops, because DH and I are both full time.  I can't just take like a month off work.  And I certainly don't think I should have to pay her for all her time off, right?

4. The logistics of 3 kids who are all in car seats...she and her SO have a small car that three car seats would clearly not fit in.  Do we like, ask her to get a new, bigger car?  Doesn't that sound ridiculous to ask?  What about strollers?  We just have a single stroller, do we have to get a double stroller so she can take DS out with her newborn?  To what extent do we accommodate the fact that we want her to be able to take DS out, but in order to do that, she's going to need equipment like a bigger car, a bigger stroller, etc?  Do we get another highchair?  Is this all stuff she should be taking care of?

Why is it that when everything is going so well, the poo hits the fan?

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BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
 BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14.  4/27/14:  Our second take home baby is here!

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Re: Whiny childcare vent

  • tetiananinatetiananina member
    Is getting a new nanny not an option?

    I don't think you should pay for her time off, nor have to accommodate for her children. I'm not saying don't acknowledge them but like you said your paying her to watch your child. I think you have alot of options to think about in the next few months.

    If you do opt for a new nanny my only suggestion would be to let her know sooner than later?

    Hope things work out for you.

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
    BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • orangegogglesorangegoggles member
    For me personally that's too much for her to handle. The infant alone is a big concern, he or she will eat up haha literally! most of the time.

    Did she express that she wanted to keep working? What were her thoughts on the subject and how it would work? Also, I think it's unrealistic for you to expect her to come back after two weeks. I would never want someone 2weeks pp babysitting my kid.

    I agree with you about the money thing. Basically your sons care is being divided by 3 and your expected to pay the same?
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
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  • Izabella22Izabella22 member
    It stinks but it does sound like you are going to have to find a new childcare option. Regardless of whether she is even interested in trying to care for 3 kids at a time (and two weeks wouldn't even be remotely enough time off) I wouldn't want someone with a newborn trying to take care of my child. I don't think it sounds cheap that you don't want to pay the same for care, but I would really look at it as how much time is she actually going to be spending nuturing your LO with a newborn on her hands? I'd be kind and ask her what her intentions are, if she even really plans to continue caring for your LO after her newest addition comes, but if she does I would have a real up front honest dialogue about your concerns. Maybe she has a plan that will make you feel comfortable with the situation - but I'd be scoping out other options.  One of the infant room teachers was about to have a baby, she indicated she was going to bring her child back to work with her - and for me I was very worried that my child, along with others would get less attention if she was busy mothering her own child. We were lucky G transitioned up just prior to that, but it was on my mind. You want what is best for your child when you can't be there, you've just got to follow your gut. Good luck, finding childcare isn't easy and its extra tough if you like the person you are with now.
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