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Blended Families
karatechrissy
member
"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Money
karatechrissy
member
I know there is another board for this, but this is my internet home.
I am normally pretty open about money bc we don't really have any, but I inherited a large sum from my dad after his passing, and there are still some unsettled accounts. I've had people rudely ask things along the lines of 'well what did your dad leave you?' Or say things like 'your dad was well off so now you are too, you guys can afford x, y, z now'. Not to mention that my siblings are blowing through what we got and are plastering their purchases all over FB, so mutual friends know there's SOMETHING.
I'm not sure how to ward off comments and how to answer money questions? I am not interested in discussing any of that with ANYONE, and it seems like social media has helped to open the door that was slightly cracked. I haven't spent a dime, and honestly don't even know the amount in the large account because I can't even bring myself to go through the paperwork that has been sitting on my desk for a month. I am still processing my loss... And I feel like people are just... Not even sensitive to the fact that I don't give a rats as about the money. And it's certainly not something I want to discuss with other people. What do you answer ppl when they ask you awkward questions like what you inherited or what you plan to do with it? It's none of their damn business. I just think it's so rude!
I am normally pretty open about money bc we don't really have any, but I inherited a large sum from my dad after his passing, and there are still some unsettled accounts. I've had people rudely ask things along the lines of 'well what did your dad leave you?' Or say things like 'your dad was well off so now you are too, you guys can afford x, y, z now'. Not to mention that my siblings are blowing through what we got and are plastering their purchases all over FB, so mutual friends know there's SOMETHING.
I'm not sure how to ward off comments and how to answer money questions? I am not interested in discussing any of that with ANYONE, and it seems like social media has helped to open the door that was slightly cracked. I haven't spent a dime, and honestly don't even know the amount in the large account because I can't even bring myself to go through the paperwork that has been sitting on my desk for a month. I am still processing my loss... And I feel like people are just... Not even sensitive to the fact that I don't give a rats as about the money. And it's certainly not something I want to discuss with other people. What do you answer ppl when they ask you awkward questions like what you inherited or what you plan to do with it? It's none of their damn business. I just think it's so rude!
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Money
You should just say what you just told us, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable discussing that with anyone." And just look at them. They'll apologize and change the subject if they have any decency.
Jesus. What is wrong with people?
Sorry again for your loss. I know that's got to be tough. Work thru it in your own time and ignore the idiots.
That should do it. People are hyenas, man.
I am very sorry again.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Just remember, just because someone wants to bring the topic up, does NOT mean you have to discuss it. It is RUDE. THEY are the ones who are wrong.
"Why would you say something like that?" works in a situation such as yours. Or silence. You can also say "I'm not making any decisions while I am in mourning."
I would use my stock response for rude people (I use it with my MIL ALL OF THE TIME).
Lean your head to the side, give them a wide open stare and politely, ask....
"I'm sorry, what did you ask?"
Then wait fort them to either 'get' that their question was rude and they sputter an apology or if they don't 'get it', then you reply one more time with
"but why would you actually ask/say that?"
Then you politely bean-dip or walk away.
I would first ask them right back, "Why do you want to know?" It puts their rudeness rightback on them. Mostlike they will drop it right there and back track because they will realize they were curious or They have a legitimate caring reason like they know a fabulous financial planner to help you make better decisions while you are in emotional upheaval.
IF they persist or if you're just on your last nerve. I would respond with, "Not enough to bring him back"
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish people understood that money isn't on your mind, your loss is so they should ask about that instead.
Maybe reply "Thanks for asking how I am doing, I am still grieving the loss of my father." Or "It's none of your business." "How much money is in your account?"
But I'm rude to rude people.
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with your loss and not ready to do anything with the money. If there is someone you trust, ie DH, maybe they can handle getting an accountant or financial planner set up for you? They can help put it it where it will be safe until you are ready to figure it out.
Thank you for the financial planner advice. I think I need to look into that. I feel overwhelmed and I just really don't want to deal with it honestly.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I am so sorry for you loss, my dad passed away 6 years ago and I would trade every dollar I have to have him back (he was only 55).
Sounds like you got some great advice on how to deal with the questions. I think if people can not accept your answer that you do not want to discuss it, then I would question their intensions and their friendship.
I like this one. Lol
I hate funerals simply because death can bring out the worst in people. People put on a sad face for someone they didn't care about and then go treasure hunting.
My grandmother is dealing with this right now. She tells people it is none ofother their business or that her mother did not forget her and leaves it at that. Her mother passed last Fall, and she left her a decent inheritance. She had four children to split the inheritance between. Two of the kids had asked for their inheritance early, like 3040 years ago, so she bought them each a house and land. My grandmother and her youngest sister never asked for anything. The youngest sister sister lived with their.mother for the past several years taking care of her, so she got her house. And my grandmother was left a decent bit of money. I am the only other person she has told the amount to, because I am the one who will handle all of her things if something happens to her. She has not spent a dime of it, and said she is keeping it all put up in case of emergency because she has no one to care for her monetarily if something were to happen to social security or my late grandfather's military benefits she gets.
Her siblings who received their inheritance early in life are soooo angry that all they got upon their mother's death was a share of the pasture land she had left, which was split between all the kids. The grandchildren got nothing. And the grandchildren from that side.of the family are as bitter as their parents about it.
I was like, hello, your mom, grandmother just died and all you care about is money? She worked hard every day of her life for everything she ever had. I think of the stories she used to tell me abiut inviting railroad hobos in to eat dinner, and I think how disappointed she would be with some of her children and grandchildren.
I'm very sorry for your loss. When people ask my questions that I think they have to business asking I look them right in the eyes and ask them, "Why do you want to know?" This throws most people off and they start stuttering and backtracking.
I like these responses best. People are dumb arses. I'm feeling cranky at the moment, so I might tell someone to F off if they asked me that.
I'm so sorry about your father. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.