Gender Disappointment - go ahead flame me

Antipodean · May 2013

BlueJewelM:
Oh Jesus who cares. Doesn't anyone get bored saying the same sh!t over and over?

bahahaha ... as the OP, this reply actually made me LOL!

Antipodean · May 2013

also as the OP, I have read all of your replies and thank you for your honesty.

This is a temporary emotion, I know it will pass.

I'm not bothered that some agree, some disagree and some even think I'm even plain stupid, moronic, selfish or whatever it is ...

The point of this board and I guess the world wide web is that you can be honest and speak your mind, not saying just myself all the replying posters as well.

For the record I don't live in the US, termination based on gender is not legal here either and nor is it something I would EVER consider, EVER!

AObub · May 2013

I'm not afraid to be honest. I just got out of a thread where women were chastising this poor woman for having a little spotlight rivalry with a sibling. It's a tough crowd in here. I'm AMAZED that people were tougher on her than the author of this post. It's not weird to have a secret preference. I do think it's very weird to be openly disappointed about what you end up with. Think about all these women with fertility issues. I'm desperate for a healthy baby... completely desperate! I just want it to be healthy. You are having a totally human feeling but I think you should overcome it soon. We are not in control of these things. It's selfish to have high expectations of an unborn baby. It actually makes me a little sad when women focus on stuff like that.

Vonkat · May 2013

Okay, you had a valid feeling. You are going to get over it. Okay. Great. Good for you. Congrats for sharing it with folks who you know will "flame" you or whatever. Why not just talk about it to someone closer to you who will be nicer about it?

Antipodean · May 2013

I have spoken with my husband about, he gets me, I tried to talk to other friends, they don't understand, nor do I really expect them to, to be honest, just like the majority here don't either.

A PP mentioned regarding fertility issues, yes I can see how this post appears ungrateful to those struggling, but how do you know I didn't? Just because I haven't mentioned it ... We suffered 3 early miscarriages prior to successfully conceiving this Bub and 1 before our daughter. I'm not saying this at all to gain any form of sympathy, just you never know anyone's backstory unless they blurt it out.

I don't feel hurt by any of the negative comments here, I as I say I half expected them anyway, sometimes for me it helps to see things from others perspective, that's part of the reason I posted in the first place, to try gain some perspective.

As I mentioned in OP Im forever grateful this Bub is healthy, we will have a few issues when born due to complication of Vasa Previa and an early c-section at 35 weeks scheduled, all I want is for Bub to arrive safely, Im incredibly nervous about having another (late) Premmie, scared of NICU, even with all the life saving equipment and the awesome staff it's still a place you would rather not be. I would far rather go to full term and have a 100% healthy Bub than either gender.

For the record Im not a heartless cow! I think that's enough from me though.

katiebenes · May 2013

MrsMuq:
526SadieSadie:
I don't think there's a problem with saying, "I'm having a -- and I wanted a --" the problem comes when you can't shake it off and embrace the reality that a healthy baby is more important than the sex organs the baby has.

The women who terminate their pregnancies when they find out the sex isn't the one they wanted are the ones who have a problem and deserve flaming.
People do this?! I thought we lived in the US - not China or Iran.

there are people from ALL OVER on the bump. and the most recent story of this occurring was in Australia.

saracw14 · May 2013

I have to be honest, I thought it was ridiculous when my sister felt this way when she found out she was having a girl. Well, I went to my ultrasound today and found out I'm having a girl. My stepdaughter and husband both kept saying they thought it was a boy, and everyone I talked to made the same prediction. I guess they put the idea in my head constantly. Whenever anyone said anything, I just said I hope he/she is healthy. Then today when I found out, I did feel this wave of disappointment come over me. I was sad for my husband who wanted a son. I was sad for my stepdaughter whom I thought wanted a baby brother because then she'd still be Daddy's only daughter. I wanted it to be a boy for them. But I do feel SO ridiculous that I felt that way. I think that raising a little girl will be so great and I hope I will have a wonderful relationship with her from childhood and into adulthood. So, even though I agree that is a little ridiculous to have these feelings, I would never have guessed that I would have felt them myself. And I guess that it can be chalked up to these crazy hormones making things feel more important than they are at the time. I don't think anyone should have to apologize for the way they're feeling, especially during pregnancy. Let it out, and if you need to, grieve for whatever loss you are feeling. Then move on to embrace the good news, and try to look back and laugh at yourself for being so silly!

Best of luck to you all

mrsamr123 · May 2013

what I don't understand, is why people will say "don't post this if you don't want people to yell at you..." how about you just don't respond?? If you know something is going to unnerve you and make you all judge-y towards a stranger... move along... seems just as logical to me?

Anyways. I am a few weeks off from finding out what we're having.. I think it's a girl, but we all know it's 50/50.... so it can go either way... I *prefer* a girl-- but like you, of course I'll love my little boy, if that's what I'm blessed with. Nobody is saying we're going to throw it back if it's not what we want!

It took my hubby and I 9 years and a miscarriage to get this baby-- and a lot of the time, I feel like this may be my only pregnancy, so of course I'd be a little bummed out when my dreams of tutus and a Daddy's Girl are kind of out the window... then of course you brush it off and start dreaming about Baseball and a Mommy's little man...

I feel like you may as well be honest with yourself, grieve the loss of dreams you had... ESPECIALLY if this is your last child... and then start planning for your beautiful little man

In the end, you're entitled to your feelings and shouldn't have to be "flamed" for it.

TheLittlestDiva · May 2013

You have a right to feel how you feel, regardless. If we are being honest, most of us aren't really in the pilot seat of our emotions these days. It is important that you recognize that this will not matter in time, but it is equally important to acknowledge that it bothers you at the moment. So much of this emotional rollercoaster really and truly does demand your clearest sense and discernment; this isn't one of those stops. Be gentle with yourself, friend.

SittingOnAMtnTop · May 2013

Even though I will be happy with either a boy or a girl there will be a part of me that will be (momentarily I'm sure) disappointed if I will never be a mom to a little girl.

Since we are 99.9% sure that this will be our last, I know I will feel a little bit of sadness that I will never get to experience playing dress up, talking about boys, shopping for prom dresses and eventually a wedding dress and all the other fun special stuff that my mom and I got to do together.

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