I just need to vent cause this stressed me out...
My hubby called on his lunch break and told me he was not mad, but wanted me to tell him when I was going to post things on FB abt the baby. I had posted my dilation and effacement stats and he went to tell his mom on the phone and she said she already knew...
I apologized, told him I thought we discussed that. He asked if I planned on telling anyone and I said I wasn't sure. He said to go for it and tell people. So I did. I guess he didn't mean FB.
ANYWAY!!!! Then he goes on to tell me he invited his mom (Who lives in another state, 6 hours away) to a baseball game we are planning on going to May 18th... and she said she would come.. MIL is a control freak type of person who can never be wrong, and will put in her 2 cents wherever she wants... so i'm like...
HOLD UP...
Me: soooooooo how long is she going to be here?
Him: a day
Reality: 3 days... drive up, stay overnight, go to game the next day, stay overnight again, drive home.
Me: where is she staying??
Him: I don't know, I can tell her to stay at a hotel
UGGGHHH umm, OK!! You're going to ask your mom to stay at a hotel when you invited her up to see a game?? For the love. You know she is going to be staying at our house!!! And it would BE NICE if I KNEW you were going to invite someone to stay at our house for 3 days, when we just moved 3 weeks ago into this house, we are still unpacking, and we are about to have a baby which could happen even before his mom gets here... and I was not planning on seeing her until mid june... I'm so friggin stressed out now!!!
If we go into labor while she is here that weekend, for the game, I'm going to be a wreck....... because I do not want her NEAR the delivery room!!! And I don't want her at my house when I bring the baby home!!! aaaggghhhh
DH is like, (all mad) I will just tell her not to come.
SIIGGHHH!!
Re: DH vent, MIL visit
I'm glad you feel 2 weeks is enough time, but I would like a heads up before an invite to stay at my house. period.
Yes, I know I may not go before she gets here, or when she gets here, but anything is possible and if she is here when I am in labor, it will be very stressful for me... so I'm just venting.
I hope your MIL is a delight. Mine is not.
Sorry not trying to be snarky. I don't mind sharing my dilation and effacement stats to FB... I'm pretty open. I share them on here too.
I just needed to vent and I understand if people disagree... but so can I, with them! lol
This. I agree.
Really, I thought you would agree with me? LOL... I'm sorry. This is just funny to me... Next time I will keep it to myself. I just read these vent posts all the time, and try to be supportive, so I guess I was hoping for the same... but to each their own! I'm not mad at cha! Don't even know you. lol
I'm trying...
I just don't really like my MIL... she's not terrible, but visiting her in general stresses me, and with the baby now being involved, I'm nervous about her wanting to take over and tell me what to do... I guess I am a control freak too...
Sorry, everyone, again. I'm not trying to be a beotch. Just in a moment of high anxiety.
Oh and the D&E update on FB, I saw an acquaintance of mine post about herself, so I didn't think it was a big deal or TMI... Maybe I am na?ve to that... But my FB is very private too, I am not friends with anyone I wouldn't want to share that stuff with... maybe I am just more lax in that aspect.
My MIL is coming to stay at our house for 3 weeks so I'll trade you!!! ::big mobile smile:: I do hope for your sake that she isn't there when you go into labor but try to calm down about the visit. I'm sure it will be ok. It's probably better for your relationship with your H if you don't biitch about her coming too much. It is his mama.
My two girls Flower and Ayla Faye
Anything related to my cervix is TMI on FB. My brother doesn't need to know anything more then "Hey, I'm in labor right now." DH and also have a "no posting on FB until certain people know" rule.
Sorry you don't get along with your MIL.
everyone needs the chance to vent now and then! I know there are times I want to pull my hair out and my family blames it on hormones so I usually find comfort with other expecting moms. I feel like they *usually* have the ability to relate or at least comfort! I agree with you about the discussion before an invite. I don't dislike my MIL but sometimes she is very difficult and if she was staying with me for even a couple days this close to my due date I would slightly panic. I'm a control freak for sure and I have enough going on at this point that I wouldn't want the stress of taking on another task. Being said, the invite is out so it looks like you'll be having company.
talk to your hubby and express your concerns, let him be there to help and support you if/when you feel overwhelmed with her. As for FB, I would probably share the same info you did because like you said, my FB is fairly private and consist of close friends and extended family who wants to know every detail of each others lives! Best of luck to you!
Oh my goodness, 3 weeks.. I am so sorry... My MIL is planning a week after the baby is born, which I am OK with (not thrilled), but was stressing prior to this event anyway... I know it's his mama... you're right about that... I try not to let on to him that I dislike her... we both have difficult parents/families and we are open about what bothers us about each others family members... but you are right, his mom has his heart for sure, so it bugs him more with her.
Yea, Dh and I always let each other know before posting anything personal to our fb pages.
As for your MIL, should he have mentioned that he wanted to invite his mom? Yes. But he gave you 2 weeks notice. Calm down.
If you go into labor while she is there, then tell the nurses you don't want her anywhere near your room. They won't let her in if you don't want her there. They can even come up with some excuse like it's against hospital policy.
Thank you for being so understanding. I really appreciate it. And I am glad I am not alone in how I feel...
My sisters tell me I should make him cancel with her... I don't know...
Not a year, but just a notice in general would be nice? Before the invite? Is that really weird?
I don't know, my hubby and I always talk things out, so I don't see why this is any different...
And it's our home, not his... we share it together... ?
4 losses: Natural m/c 8w 1/11, CP 12/11, CP 3/12, and our perfectly healthy baby girl Charlotte Grace, missed M/C 5/31/12 at 8w5d
TTC#2 5/14, BFP 8/15/14! Beta #1 16 (11 DPO), Beta #2 71 (14 DPO) Beta #3 164 (16 DPO) Beta #4 633 (21 DPO) Beta #5 1487 (23 DPO) Heartbeat 121 bpm at 6w6d! EDD 4/25/15
Yes, this is exactly how I feel. I feel pressure to entertain, make sure they eat, house is clean, etc... plus like I said, we discuss everything... well, almost everything... and I would never invite a guest over without talking to him about it first. It's just a mutual respect kind of thing... but even more important now that I am about to pop...
I sometimes do like to argue, so you got me there.
It's not that she is not welcome... well, it kinda is! lol... but I would welcome her in, I just want to be a part of that decision instead of being told that it is going to happen... especially considering our circumstances of having just moved, and being so close to the end of my pregnancy. If that is uptight and argumentative, then so be it. I'm just not comfortable with that decision being made without me knowing about it.
I agree. First of all I would never post about my cervix on FB, that's TMI in my opinion. Also I see no problem with 2 weeks notice about your MIL staying over, but since DH is the one who invited her he should be the one getting the place clean and ready for her.
Thanks for the advice... that is part of the problem, he works every day and she is coming on my days off work. I asked if he was going to take time off and he wasn't planning on it, so I asked him to see if he could get time off. I would feel really awkward alone in the house with her for 3 days while he worked...
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Over-share for sure on the dilation/effacement. I mean, seriously, who needs to know that other than you and your OB? I love that you say another friend did it, so you felt like it was OK. Please don't be one of those Moms that posts your kid's poop shots on Facebook as well.
Chill. I feel like you're just looking for something to get upset about as far as your MIL is concerned. It's just a few days, and it's your husband's house too, so he shouldn't need "permission" to invite his Mom over!
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
oh geez, that doesn't make it any better does it!? I didn't think of that being a possibility for you. I think if he really wants his mom to stay he should take some time off of work if its possible, even if its only one day. It's one day less of stress for you. And one day less of stress is better for you and your baby's health! I was going to say it probably isn't worth canceling plans as it may cause more tension between you and her down the road because I think MILs will be quick to assume it was the wife who didn't want her there even if your hubby were to come up with the worlds best excuse. I think it's funny though that people keep telling you that you should be grateful for a two week notice like its a job your quitting. This is a marriage, a partnership that requires communication, especially when it affects each other. I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you by doing it, he just spoke too soon so hopefully he can understand where your coming from.
His mom is coming in from out of town and he's not taking any time off? That's kind of odd - he's the one who invited her! Is he saving his days for when the baby comes?
Thank you, seriously... thank you so so much for saying all of this. I agree, marriage is a partnership, and we should discuss anything and everything that will affect one another. I know it was not his intention to upset me, which is why I can't really be mad at him, but was really upset by the situation. I hope we can resolve this when he gets home.
Sorry for making others want to puke by the over-share. When my acquaintance did it, I didn't even blink... I didn't think it was TMI... and I don't think it's TMI when countless women on thebump post their dilation and effacement stats either... it's just information. I'm not spreading my legs and telling people to have a feel up there. Anyway, I appreciate the input.
Uhhh and no I don't plan on posting pics of my kids poop... lol... I do post pics of my dogs poop though. Or pee. If it is in funny shapes. But I like gross humor.
I think he just hadn't thought about it. He is the type to make quick decisions without thinking. I am the type who needs to plan everything out... we're very opposite that way...
Yeah it's not like you posted info like "wow my vagina is swollen and purple!" Lol it was basic information. And the women who understand the stats are going to be excited for you and men especially may have no idea what it means and skip right over it! Post what you want, if people don't want to know about it, they'll either not read it or take you off their news feed! No big deal. But I'm going to guess that those that are easily grossed out already took you off their news feed after a picture of dog poop. LOL.
Who would have thought that such a simple venting post would have been such a hot topic this evening?! Thanks for helping pass the time for me - bed rest is pretty boring!
Meh. I kind of agree that it shouldn't be "notice" that OP is given but rather the chance the discuss having house guests this far along. I feel like total crap right now and I'd be pretty pisssssed off if I had to entertain in-laws for 3 days.
The stats on Facebook are TMI though.
Dude. If this was too harsh, never go to high school.
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
Umm this...I have seen much much worse on here.
But you're comfortable with her and the rest of the world knowing everything about your cervix?