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Weird Realization

weaslewamweaslewam member
in Pregnant after a Loss

I just had a really sobering realization that I don't think I thought about my loss for the first time since it happened yesterday. I mean, usually I think of it/her at some point throughout the day.

And come to think of it, there probably have been other days when I didn't think about it too...

It kind of makes me sad that I don't think about it as much, kind of like I'm not remembering our first LO.

It makes me cry because I think I thought I'd always remember and there wouldn't be a day that would go by that I could just NOT think of her. 

Has anyone else felt this way before? Or am I just a nutjob? I feel so insensitive...

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BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
BFP 2 - October 30, 2012, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2013
TTC no sooner than November 2014
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Re: Weird Realization

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    luvbostonluvboston member
    It sounds to me like you have healed and moved on which is normal. I don't think you are insensitive as if you constantly think about it you wouldn't be able to live your life. If I thought about my 6 LO everyday I would be in an asylum because the pain is too great it would debilitate me.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story


    image
    image


    Lilypie - (ugiy)


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    hungryhippohungryhippo member
    I agree with PP. I think this is just a sign that you have reached a place in your healing as well as a new chapter in your life. Just because you don't think of your first LO daily doesn't mean you don't remember her or that your feelings for her have changed. It just means your focus has shifted elsewhere and loss or not, I think that's a very common thing for pregnant women to experience as they get closer and closer to delivery. It may even be biological.
    TTC #1 since January 2011
    BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
    BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
    After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
    Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!! 
    BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
    imageimage  My chart.


    Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
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    xconf143usionxxconf143usionx member

    I have been there. I felt so guilty when I first started not thinking about my angel on a daily basis. I sort of came to terms with the fact that I was coming to terms with it, and it helped. It's now been over a year and a half since my loss, and I can honestly say that I still think of the baby at least 2-3 times a week. When it stopped being a constant thing, I honestly was afraid that I would forget altogether, but that will never be the case.

    I'm glad it's not constantly on my mind though. It makes me feel good that at this point in my life I am able to give everything I have to this new prengnancy.

    I will never forget my angel (and I promise, you won't either) but I'm very happy with the way I cope with it now.

    Suprise BFP: 8/17/11 (previous relationship)
    Natural m/c: 10/17/11
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Me (Katie)
    DX:PCOS
    DH (Adam
    Married 10/11/12
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC #1 since 3/12
    image
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    KikiCohenKikiCohen member

    You are not alone.  (hugs)

    I think it's just part of the healing process.  

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