I just had a really sobering realization that I don't think I
thought about my loss for the first time since it happened yesterday. I
mean, usually I think of it/her at some point throughout the day.
And come to think of it, there probably have been other days when I didn't think about it too...
It kind of makes me sad that I don't think about it as much, kind of like I'm not remembering our first LO.
It makes me cry because I think I thought I'd always remember and there wouldn't be a day that would go by that I could just NOT think of her.
Has anyone else felt this way before? Or am I just a nutjob? I feel so insensitive...
Re: Weird Realization
Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone)
Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
Jan 2013 BFP
Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
Miracle Born August 2013 Premature
Yours doesn't have to be a sad story
BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!!
BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
My chart.
Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
I have been there. I felt so guilty when I first started not thinking about my angel on a daily basis. I sort of came to terms with the fact that I was coming to terms with it, and it helped. It's now been over a year and a half since my loss, and I can honestly say that I still think of the baby at least 2-3 times a week. When it stopped being a constant thing, I honestly was afraid that I would forget altogether, but that will never be the case.
I'm glad it's not constantly on my mind though. It makes me feel good that at this point in my life I am able to give everything I have to this new prengnancy.
I will never forget my angel (and I promise, you won't either) but I'm very happy with the way I cope with it now.
Natural m/c: 10/17/11
Me (Katie)
DX:PCOS
DH (Adam
Married 10/11/12
TTC #1 since 3/12
You are not alone. (hugs)
I think it's just part of the healing process.