(Vent update) Lesson learned

FlyFatale · April 2013

Do not vent on these boards. lol...

my post was dissected and I was made out to be some housewife slave to my domineering "man-child" husband.

not only that but someone even said my DH will cheat on me once my LO is born.

The f*ck?

Anyways ladies, I did get my back rub tonight after taking the kindhearted advice of very few. Thanks!

No hard feelings on my end.

Ohiomama2013 · April 2013

Rise above it. Seems like we have some bullies lurking about.

Londonsmybabyboy · April 2013

Did you read your own post. What would you have thought? Glad your H stopped being selfish and supported you for today.

Baby2408 · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Rise above it. Seems like we have some bullies lurking about.

I agree

FlyFatale · April 2013

Yea I've noticed a lot lately

notkateanymore · April 2013

Londonsmybabyboy:
Did you read your own post. What would you have thought? Glad your H stopped being selfish and supported you for today.

This 100%

Oh and Ohio..do you know what the word bully means? I can't tell from the way you used it in your post. Nobody was bullying her.

tailanis · April 2013

Londonsmybabyboy:
Did you read your own post. What would you have thought? Glad your H stopped being selfish and supported you for today.

I agree, your post was a little crazy.

FlyFatale · April 2013

Londonsmybabyboy:
Did you read your own post. What would you have thought? Glad your H stopped being selfish and supported you for today.

"for today"

Ha. Backhanded support, clever.

FlyFatale · April 2013

KateMW:
Londonsmybabyboy:
Did you read your own post. What would you have thought? Glad your H stopped being selfish and supported you for today.
This 100%
Oh and Ohio..do you know what the word bully means? I can't tell from the way you used it in your post. Nobody was bullying her.

telling a pregnant woman that her husband is a man child and will likely cheat on her once her child is born? Yea because that's ok.

zou bisou · April 2013

You did not portray your Dh in a flattering way. Saying he gets sex on command and expects a daily bathing from you - does any of that sound like husband-of-the-year material?

And then you got the expected bump-snark. This is par for the course, you know?

Ohiomama2013 · April 2013

Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.

FlyFatale · April 2013

zou bisou:
You did not portray your Dh in a flattering way. Saying he gets sex on command and expects a daily bathing from you - does any of that sound like husband-of-the-year material?
And then you got the expected bump-snark. This is par for the course, you know?

yes I understand that but I was venting. And I worded it a little wrong I couldn't think of a better way to put it at the time I was angry at my husband and just needed to get it out. However I did not imply that he was a needy child who would cheat or leave me if I didn't wash him in the shower, he washes me too we find it soothing and erotic lol.. Anyways I feel that revealing my age was a huge factor in how I was talked to as well.

lifesaverz · April 2013

did you guys read the post??? for serious. anyway OP, props to you for not being offended...if you look back on your post, I think it was your wording that really did you in...in particular the "washing his body" & the "sex on demand". I can guarantee the way you said that is what instantly made everyone think you were letting him walk all over you...because that's legitly what it sounded like. and yeah some people went farther than others, but I honestly can't blame them w/ how ridiculous that sounded. The idea of simply catering to someone rather than being in an equal partnership is very offensive to strong women, so w/ a post like that, reactions are natural. But I'm glad everything worked out for you & your H took care of you for a change. Keep up the trend, & seriously think about the precedents you are setting in your marriage.

zou bisou · April 2013

I'm glad there's no hard feelings. The more you respond, the longer it goes on.

Baby2408 · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.

love this

Baby2408 · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.

love this

FlyFatale · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.

yes! This is beautifully worded. I think everyone could benefit from being just a tad nicer. But some here use this as a form of entertainment.

FlyFatale · April 2013

jordanm24:
did you guys read the post??? for serious. anyway OP, props to you for not being offended...if you look back on your post, I think it was your wording that really did you in...in particular the "washing his body" & the "sex on demand". I can guarantee the way you said that is what instantly made everyone think you were letting him walk all over you...because that's legitly what it sounded like. and yeah some people went farther than others, but I honestly can't blame them w/ how ridiculous that sounded. The idea of simply catering to someone rather than being in an equal partnership is very offensive to strong women, so w/ a post like that, reactions are natural. But I'm glad everything worked out for you & your H took care of you for a change. Keep up the trend, & seriously think about the precedents you are setting in your marriage.

yea it was definitely the wording. What I meant was he gets plenty of sex, he doesn't demand it lol. And also I was angry while writing it so it may have sounded worse than it is.

lifesaverz · April 2013

FlyFatale:
zou bisou:
You did not portray your Dh in a flattering way. Saying he gets sex on command and expects a daily bathing from you - does any of that sound like husband-of-the-year material?
And then you got the expected bump-snark. This is par for the course, you know?
yes I understand that but I was venting. And I worded it a little wrong I couldn't think of a better way to put it at the time I was angry at my husband and just needed to get it out. However I did not imply that he was a needy child who would cheat or leave me if I didn't wash him in the shower, he washes me too we find it soothing and erotic lol.. Anyways I feel that revealing my age was a huge factor in how I was talked to as well.

your age so had nothing to do with it. and where was this explanation in the big fat conversation after your post?? you could've cleared up the nastiness real quick by clarifying that you wash EACH OTHER & that it's an erotic experience for the two of you. why on earth would you choose not to fix that right away?? an earlier PP is right, you portrayed your DH very badly.

Londonsmybabyboy · April 2013

I felt like I was being supportive. Why are people so sensitive?

FlyFatale · April 2013

jordanm24:
FlyFatale:
zou bisou:
You did not portray your Dh in a flattering way. Saying he gets sex on command and expects a daily bathing from you - does any of that sound like husband-of-the-year material?
And then you got the expected bump-snark. This is par for the course, you know?
yes I understand that but I was venting. And I worded it a little wrong I couldn't think of a better way to put it at the time I was angry at my husband and just needed to get it out. However I did not imply that he was a needy child who would cheat or leave me if I didn't wash him in the shower, he washes me too we find it soothing and erotic lol.. Anyways I feel that revealing my age was a huge factor in how I was talked to as well.
your age so had nothing to do with it. and where was this explanation in the big fat conversation after your post?? you could've cleared up the nastiness real quick by clarifying that you wash EACH OTHER & that it's an erotic experience for the two of you. why on earth would you choose not to fix that right away?? an earlier PP is right, you portrayed your DH very badly.

yea by the time everyone was getting into that I was too busy to really respond, and the mocking was just out of hand. This being my first pregnancy I'm learning to cope with the hormones and stuff like that I just avoid, no need for extra stress. I mostly come here to discus non-dramatic stuff.

Keithashleyl · April 2013

Sometimes people are mean on this site.... You learn to ignore them. I didn't see your original post... But everyone deserves to have support especially in the first trimester when you haven't told anyone yet.

There are lots of nice, supportive women here no matter what you're going through.

bethLenell · April 2013

I'm glad you were able to talk to your DH and that it's not as bad as your OP made it sound!! Hopefully you'll be getting plenty of back rubs in the future.

willowprincess · April 2013

Sorry OP but this is on you. I'm glad you were able to work it out and your dh is actually a great person, but you can't blame these ladies for their reaction. You painted your dh in a VERY negative light and did nothing to rectify that. All it would have taken was a simple explanation on your part. (And don't blame the hormones. I get how they can make your emotions grow wild, but you are a grown woman and are responsible for controlling them.) Next time, think about what you are saying before you say it.

aessary03 · April 2013

Are some of you for real right now?! Bullying?! That's a tad bit (ok, a lot) extreme. And doesn't even fit the definition of bullying. Apparently stating an opinion is now bullying. Just because it's not sugar coated or politically correct, it's now bullying?! Grow some thicker skin, people! If you don't like what's being said, then you also have a choice to not post.

All I really want to say to all you people who claim bullying, GROW UP. Oh wait, is that bullying?

lifesaverz · April 2013

FlyFatale:
jordanm24:
did you guys read the post??? for serious. anyway OP, props to you for not being offended...if you look back on your post, I think it was your wording that really did you in...in particular the "washing his body" & the "sex on demand". I can guarantee the way you said that is what instantly made everyone think you were letting him walk all over you...because that's legitly what it sounded like. and yeah some people went farther than others, but I honestly can't blame them w/ how ridiculous that sounded. The idea of simply catering to someone rather than being in an equal partnership is very offensive to strong women, so w/ a post like that, reactions are natural. But I'm glad everything worked out for you & your H took care of you for a change. Keep up the trend, & seriously think about the precedents you are setting in your marriage.
yea it was definitely the wording. What I meant was he gets plenty of sex, he doesn't demand it lol. And also I was angry while writing it so it may have sounded worse than it is.

well this makes more sense. I just wish you would've clarified earlier, could've saved yourself a lot of hassle. But I AM very glad that your relationship is much better than you originally posted, & I do wish you guys the best. You'll need lots of TLC these 9 months, & after! In the future though, do think about how you say things, even if you're upset. I think most women here do want to be supportive, but since we don't actually know each other, the words we use to describe situations is really all everybody has to go off of. When you post, be ready & around to clarify things, I know we don't always fully explain in the initial post & people end up w/ questions.

PinkCamino · April 2013

good for you? I mean what do you want us to tell you. You came to the board complaining about being your husbands slave.

FFS what kind of responses did you expect?

amberpro · April 2013

I think maybe some have misinterpreted the purpose of TB. It's fun, it's a source of good debate/discussion, and I've found it to be an excellent source of information.

If I want shoulders to cry on and random vents, I mostly turn to my IRL friends and family.

I will also say I've received AMAZINGLY STRONG support and encouragement from these boards AFTER I became a member of the community. If you walked to the mall and started venting and whining to strangers, you'd get some crazy looks and not so nice responses, too.

BoraBoraBaby · April 2013

FlyFatale:
Ohiomama2013:
Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.
yes! This is beautifully worded. I think everyone could benefit from being just a tad nicer. But some here use this as a form of entertainment.  

Agreed! I really find those posts where people are so negative towards someone else during a scary time to be rather repulsive. Thank you for setting a new tone.

Ohiomama2013 · April 2013

Alright, all you lovely ladies have made me do it. Here is MerriamWebster's definition of bully.

Bully noun:a blustering browbeating person.

And just for clarification

Browbeat verb:to intimidate or disconcert by a stern manner or arrogant speech.

Let's put it all together now:

A bully is a person who intimidates or disconcerts by a stern manner or arrogant speech. I'm not afraid of the bullies on here, but I am certainly less apt to post a concern on here due to the behavior of a few, well, bullies. This goes beyond the post referred to earlier, ladies. I'm a welleducated woman in my mid thirties who has already had a child, but what about a young girl who can't exactly call up her school chums with a questions? This is no place for those uninformed about pregnancy, because a small group of you have made it your mission to ridicule whomever you please. I hate that I've had to waste my time clarifying my earlier post, but my job involves caring for those who cannot care for themselves. I consider this an extension of that. Perhaps you ladies have some emotional issues that need resolved, but ridiculing a virtual stranger will not solve your problems. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but if you feel this is aimed at you, perhaps you should review your own posts and reconsider your tone.

I am raising my child to not accept this type of behavior and to stand up for others. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't point it out myself when I see it.

[steps down off soapbox]

Thank you.

PinkCamino · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Alright, all you lovely ladies have made me do it. Here is MerriamWebster's definition of bully.

Bully noun:a blustering browbeating person.

And just for clarification

Browbeat verb:to intimidate or disconcert by a stern manner or arrogant speech.

Let's put it all together now:

A bully is a person who intimidates or disconcerts by a stern manner or arrogant speech. I'm not afraid of the bullies on here, but I am certainly less apt to post a concern on here due to the behavior of a few, well, bullies. This goes beyond the post referred to earlier, ladies. I'm a welleducated woman in my mid thirties who has already had a child, but what about a young girl who can't exactly call up her school chums with a questions? This is no place for those uninformed about pregnancy, because a small group of you have made it your mission to ridicule whomever you please. I hate that I've had to waste my time clarifying my earlier post, but my job involves caring for those who cannot care for themselves. I consider this an extension of that. Perhaps you ladies have some emotional issues that need resolved, but ridiculing a virtual stranger will not solve your problems. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but if you feel this is aimed at you, perhaps you should review your own posts and reconsider your tone.

I am raising my child to not accept this type of behavior and to stand up for others. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't point it out myself when I see it.

[steps down off soapbox]

Thank you.

Ok.

notkateanymore · April 2013

Ohiomama2013:
Implying a lack if intelligence does not correct the problem of bullying on this board. This is supposed to be a place where we can raise concerns and give one another support. I think this is particularly important during the early weeks when we may not be announcing to people in our social circle. Instead, I've seen too many women ridiculed when they're looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on. I did not mean to imply that your post was improper, but there are certainly posters on here who seem to relish belittling others. So yea, I am fully aware of the definition of bullying.

You get support from your husband/SO and your IRL friends and family...that's not our job.

Bethanyc1492 · April 2013

If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all. How about that one?

If you want to troll or bully, go sit in the mirror, look at your self as your saying the things you do, and listen to how hurtful your words may sound to some one that is already having a emotional hard time. just know your that person causing more harm then something positive, and chances are you are hurt the same. It's been less then a month and some of you are already being so nasty. Just stop it. Be mature, and above it. This is not high school, just like the way she worded it, maybe the people that replied should also watch how they word something and be mindful that some one is upset. And FYI lots of you assume that everyone comes from your walk of life. Not everyone has friends they can talk to or family, so yes this is a place where people can get support and advice and comfort. why some of you are making that out to be a bad thing im not really sure. Angry

esf60 · April 2013

bullying or not, i'm glad it worked out for you, OP. honestly, whatever works for your marriage, i hope you keep doing it. whatever doesn't work that you want to change, i hope it changes. PP's are right, it was your wording, and hey, i think it's pretty weird that you wash your husband and give him sex whenever he wants, but if that works for you, so be it. i'm sure you'd think some things about my marriage are weird, but i will never be sharing them here

Londonsmybabyboy · April 2013

Maybe if you can't handle criticism you shouldn't post on the internet.

Again reading the post, she sounds like a victim of some kind domestic abuse. I'm not going to support that ever. No one is bullying her, but they are calling her out for being in a bad situation with no happy ending to come. This is completely based on the information OP provided. Huh?

ChicagoWeded2007 · April 2013

There is some bullying that happens on this board. Sometimes snark goes too far and always is stupid.

HOWEVER, OP's first post made it sound like her husband verbally abused her and controlled her life. OP did everything for her husband, cooking, cleaning and even washing his body. OP's H did nothing for her and would not even rub her back while pregnant. What response was expected?

MEP923 · April 2013

You come on here to say no hard feelings and then call people bullies? I'm a little confused. Your wording in your post made your DH look bad. I really hope he's more supportive of you then what you made it seem or you do have a long journey ahead of you. Best of luck. I hope he starts making it more of a 50 50 relationship.

bethLenell · April 2013

ChicagoWeded2007:
There is some bullying that happens on this board. Sometimes snark goes too far and always is stupid.
HOWEVER, OP's first post made it sound like her husband verbally abused her and controlled her life. OP did everything for her husband, cooking, cleaning and even washing his body. OP's H did nothing for her and would not even rub her back while pregnant. What response was expected?

All of this^^

Mills0309 · April 2013

Ladies getting your panties in a wad bc of another lady venting about her husband..shows you have no life

. You get upset for a post in a pregnancy forum..and you are carrying a child. Act like it geez. If you don't like a girl "venting" don't read the damn post!!

lp0 · April 2013

People really need to learn what bullying really is. Giving honest opinions is not bullying. Just because they are not sugar coated or what the person wants to hear is not bullying. People are right, this is not high school but its not nursery school either. No one here is going to coddle you and only tell you what you want to hear. If you are not willing to hear people's opinions then don't ask for them. And a vent is looking for others feedback, if you weren't then you don't type it on a public forum.

OP you have to realize that you're wording made your husband look like an overbearing a$$hole. It also made you sound like a slave and abused/neglected wife. How were you expecting people to react to that? Honestly I'd be more concerned if people didnt stand up and say that it wasn't right.

MariJ1008 · April 2013

jordanm24:
did you guys read the post??? for serious. anyway OP, props to you for not being offended...if you look back on your post, I think it was your wording that really did you in...in particular the "washing his body" & the "sex on demand". I can guarantee the way you said that is what instantly made everyone think you were letting him walk all over you...because that's legitly what it sounded like. and yeah some people went farther than others, but I honestly can't blame them w/ how ridiculous that sounded. The idea of simply catering to someone rather than being in an equal partnership is very offensive to strong women, so w/ a post like that, reactions are natural. But I'm glad everything worked out for you & your H took care of you for a change. Keep up the trend, & seriously think about the precedents you are setting in your marriage.

I agree with this 100%. Your wording on the post didn't give anyone the impression that he was a good DH.

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