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DH's little brother competitiveness - now with having a baby?

karinaandtomkarinaandtom member
in October 2013 Moms

So DH is 40 and has a little brother who's 35. His brother has consistently mirrored DH with most things in life, such as choice in college, career, sports, moving to the same state, etc etc. When DH and I got engaged, he proposed to his GF 3 months later, and they were married 7 months after us. They are going to the same place we went on our honeymoon, and he even copied a very unique idea for his wedding that we had done. It seems like a little ridiculous at this point. DH's little bro has been saying all along that he wanted to wait 1 year to have a baby. Now that we have announced our big news and due date in Oct, little brother is saying he wants to have a baby and soon!

 This may all sound petty, but now it's to the point where we cant do anything in life without them doing the same things. It seems very competitive, like he steals our thunder everytime we do anything. What to do?

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Re: DH's little brother competitiveness - now with having a baby?

  • Ycu2013Ycu2013 member
    imagekarinaandtom:
    So DH is 40 and has a little brother who's 35. His brother has consistently mirrored DH with most things in life, such as choice in college, career, sports, moving to the same state, etc etc. When DH and I got engaged, he proposed to his GF 3 months later, and they were married 7 months after us. They are going to the same place we went on our honeymoon, and he even copied a very unique idea for his wedding that we had done. It seems like a little ridiculous at this point. DH's little bro has been saying all along that he wanted to wait 1 year to have a baby. Now that we have announced our big news and due date in Oct, little brother is saying he wants to have a baby and soon! nbsp;This may all sound petty, but now it's to the point where we cant do anything in life without them doing the same things. It seems very competitive, like he steals our thunder everytime we do anything. What to do?


    Umm creepy!
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  • jpeazybreezyjpeazybreezy

    None of these examples sound like someone "stealing your thunder".  Especially since it was always way after you had already done it, and I don't know how someone could steal your thunder by going to the same honeymoon destination. 

    Is this how your DH feels about the situation too? Or are they just close? I know lot of people that want cousins to be the same age so that they can all play together. Or maybe he is waiting becasue of his DW, and you guys having a baby is his way to keep pestering her into having them sooner? 

    Brothers are close, so none of the scenarios you described really strike me as odd. Huh?

    BFP 11/2/10! First Dr's appt 11/30/10, shows Blighted Ovum measuring~ 5.9w @ 7w5d Natural Miscarraige 12/10/10 TTA unitl Feb, waiting BARE minimum before hopping back in the saddle So ready to try again, but I will never forget my first baby. BFP#2 02/06/11!!!! *stick baby, stick!* Team Green turn Team PINK 10/09/11 BFP #3 02/23/13...SURPRISE! Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • karinaandtomkarinaandtom member
    DH feels the same way I do. He's the one getting his coattails ridden! I know I want to say "do something original!" ah well.
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  • Ycu2013Ycu2013 member
    imagejpeazybreezy:
    None of these examples sound like someone "stealing your thunder".nbsp; Especially since it was always way after you had already done it, and I don't know how someone could steal your thunder by going to the same honeymoon destination.nbsp;
    Is this how your DH feels about the situation too? Or are they just close?nbsp;I know lot of people that want cousins to be the same age so that they can all play together.nbsp;Or maybe he is waiting becasue of his DW, and you guys having a baby is his way to keep pestering her into having them sooner?nbsp;
    Brothers are close, so none of the scenarios you described really strike me as odd. [:]


    I disagree with all of this. Little brother is acting ridiculous!
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  • taylormarie923taylormarie923 member
    That's a little strange, but I wouldn't give him too much thought.  Continue to live your life and if he wants to continue to mirror your husband, hopefully he will be happy with the life he ends up with and doesn't look back wishing he had made some choices for himself.
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  • pinklatte2102pinklatte2102 member
    My older sister deals with something similar. Her husband's older sister and her husband try to do everything before my sister and BIL when they catch wind of what they are planning.

    For example, my BIL told his family that he was going to propose to my sister about 2 weeks before he did it and his BIL quickly proposed to my BIL's sister the week before, with out a ring saying that it wasn't ready yet but that he couldn't wait. Then he got her a temporary ring and then she got her actual ring about 6 months later. He has since told people that he hadnt planned on proposing at that time. He just did it just because. Then they got married 2 months before my sister and BIL. Then they asked when my sister and BIL were going to try for kids and then tried to race them to conceiving. My sister had my nephew first and then they asked when she was planning on 2 and her BIL said something to the affect of well we will see who gets pregnant first this time. My sister got pregnant first again, which I found to be really funny. This has gone on for almost 10 years now. Her BIL is now really into comparing their kids... So be ready for that!

    My sister is starting to think about baby 3 and decided that she will make up some far off date if they ask, just to make them think they have time and then she will just announce when she is at least 12 weeks along. Her BIL is one to keep asking and isn't afraid of being annoying. I would probably do something similar or just stop telling them things beforehand. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I know, secondhand, how annoying that can be.

    P.s. I hope my stories make sense with all of the BIL's that are written up there.
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  • taylormarie923taylormarie923 member

    imagepinklatte2102:
    My older sister deals with something similar. Her husband's older sister and her husband try to do everything before my sister and BIL when they catch wind of what they are planning. For example, my BIL told his family that he was going to propose to my sister about 2 weeks before he did it and his BIL quickly proposed to my BIL's sister the week before, with out a ring saying that it wasn't ready yet but that he couldn't wait. Then he got her a temporary ring and then she got her actual ring about 6 months later. He has since told people that he hadnt planned on proposing at that time. He just did it just because. Then they got married 2 months before my sister and BIL. Then they asked when my sister and BIL were going to try for kids and then tried to race them to conceiving. My sister had my nephew first and then they asked when she was planning on 2 and her BIL said something to the affect of well we will see who gets pregnant first this time. My sister got pregnant first again, which I found to be really funny. This has gone on for almost 10 years now. Her BIL is now really into comparing their kids... So be ready for that! My sister is starting to think about baby 3 and decided that she will make up some far off date if they ask, just to make them think they have time and then she will just announce when she is at least 12 weeks along. Her BIL is one to keep asking and isn't afraid of being annoying. I would probably do something similar or just stop telling them things beforehand. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I know, secondhand, how annoying that can be. P.s. I hope my stories make sense with all of the BIL's that are written up there.

     

    I had to pay special attention to follow along! Smile

    If this were me, I would drop hints about planning ridiculous things.  "We are thinking of buying a milking goat and keeping him in the backyard."  "We want to buy a commercial-sized 16 passenger van because a minivan just doesn't seem like enough room for a family of 5."  "For Christmas this year we are going to plant trees in the yard rather than put a cut one inside."

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  • MySunshine213MySunshine213 member
    Tell him you're getting a pet monkey and see what happens

    I tend to mirror my older sister sometimes, but not to that extreme. And it's only because we honestly just share similar interests and lifestyle. Your case does sound excessive but I don't really know what you can do. Unless he's proposing at your wedding, announcing they're expecting at your baby shower... I mean what can you do..
    DD ~ 8/30/09 DS ~ 10/13/13
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  • kaswansonkaswanson member
    Well, I could see how that could get annoying, but really you can only control your own choices, so getting worked up about this might just be borrowing trouble.  If they do have a baby soon at least there will be cousins!  That's one good thing.  Most of the choices you've made are not all that different from what most people do, you just seem to be on a similar timeline.  We have quite a few friends who got married, bought houses, had babies, etc all around the same times as us.  The only weird one is moving to your state, but maybe he just wanted to be close? 
    DD #1 Eva- April 2011
    DD #2 Violet- October 2013
    DD#3 Due New Year's Eve 2016


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  • Roseallen112Roseallen112 member
    As much as it would annoy me try to take it as a compliment. A grown man idolizing your life.
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  • las7838las7838
    Hey cousins close in age would be awesome I love how my DD is with her cousin.
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  • almostmoore2012almostmoore2012
    I have a cousin that has started doing that, he really looks up to my husband. We had a really unique thing at our wedding too and they did the exact same thing, kinda irritating but didn't think too much of it. Then I found out I was pregnant, and a month later so was his wife. I think it's just coincidence but it is kind of annoying.

    I feel bad for you, but someone said take it as a compliment and maybe you should? It is kinda sweet that he looks up to ur husband so much :) I am trying to do the same thing with my cousin.
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