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One & Done: Only child
kaidekka
member
Work or SAH?
kaidekka
member
My maternity leave is almost up and I'm deciding whether to return to work or become a SAHM. My job is demanding in the summer months (50+ hours per week with some 14 hour days) but pretty low key in the off season with a great salary and benefit package.
Tell me some the pros & cons of being either a working parent or a SAHM with your only.
Anyone with an older child who SAH then later re-entered the work force?
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Re: Work or SAH?
If you're on the fence, my advice would be to go back to work and give it a little while. I found it very hard to leave my baby after my maternity leave is over, but now I know that I wouldn't be a good SAHM.
It was hard to leave my 3 month old, but as DS gets older, I know that he's having a ton of fun at daycare. My patience would wear thin if I was home with him all day.
MMC 3.30.16
I am a working mom. Staying at home was never on my radar. I love my career and have worked really hard at it for the past 12 years. I think that working makes me a better mom. I also have the kind of job that if I were to leave the workforce, it would be tough to jump back in later.
I don't really have cons. I work with a lot of moms so if DD gets sick or I need to take a day, people tend to understand. DD loves daycare and I love the socialization she gets with other kids during the week which I think is especially important because she's an only.
I SAH for 16 months and worked PT for almost a year. I just quit my job so I'm back to SAH again.
I liked working PT, I do taxes during the tax season so I just got done with working 50+ hour weeks and it was awful. I never, never want to work that much. My poor child was so out of sync from missing me - there were days we'd only see each other for 30 minutes at the most. He'd walk around saying, "Where are you, mama? No mama. Mama working." He'd try to play catch with me and throw his ball at the phone when I called. It was very sad. Working PT (20 - 30 hours a week) was the perfect balance for us. When I'm SAH FT, I miss everything about working and he's a high needs child, so I get overwhelmed and really frustrated. We function better when I'm out of the house and away from him for a few hours every week.
I'm a SAHM and would have it NO other way. For me, it's perfect.
That said, I believe some are meant to stay home, and some totally aren't. It's really such a personal decision, and has many considerations. Some go crazy at home. Some love to be home.
I have an older kiddo (7) and I still stay home. It's been awesome to be available when she gets home, do homework, visit her class, be a chaperone on field trips, etc. Love it.
As you know, that is a personal choice. I SAH for nearly 3 years before returning to work. I've been a WOHM now for a little over 2 years.
Here are my pros and cons:
SAHM pros:
-More time with little one
-A simpler life
-You don't have to worry about work if DS is sick or having to go into work exhausted after nursing through the night.
-You get to see all of his "firsts"
-Not exhausted for DH
SAHM cons:
-Some people look down on you because you're not working in your career anymore
-After 2 years, boredom kicks in and the whining and tantrums will drive you "buggy"
-Old and possibly unsafe car
-Not able to afford preschool
-Possiblility of not being able to get back into your field
WM (after 3 years of SAH) pros:
-You have more money
-You get to get a new car (which is safe to drive)
-You get a "break" from DS
-You can afford preschool
-You can afford private school
-You are no longer bored
WM (after 3 years of SAH) cons:
-Less time with DS
-You have to "fight" to have a family/work life balance with your employer
-You take leave without pay in order to have more time at home
-You may not be able to do as many school related things with DS as you would like (ex. go to all of the field trips)
DS is five years old and will be starting kindergarten in late August. Overall, I'm happy with the choices I've made. Every choice has some pros and cons. You have to do the best you can do with what you have---and feel good about it!
All of this.
This is pretty much me too except I work in HR so I don't think it would be that difficult to jump back in if I took time off.
I love being a SAHM but it's not for everybody. But I was a SAHwife before that and a SAHgirlfriend even before that so obviously I like it, lol.
DS is in 1st grade now and the next logical step for me was to get involved at school - I volunteer at LOT. At a minimum I'm there the full 8hrs every Tuesday and I've done every field trip and class party since he started K. During busy weeks (e.g. the week before winter break when there were special activities every day) I was literally there 40hrs.
I'm in a really great place with all of it and it works perfectly for our family.
I'm not sure what will happen when he gets older and maybe "needs" me less but I don't think it'll be work. I'll probably find some other volunteerish thing to do with some of my time.
I had never really considered being a SAHM before DD...we live in a pretty expensive area and we need two incomes. That being said, I was working 40-50 hours a week before she was born and after maternity leave that wasn't really working for our family. I missed the kiddo so much....but we got lucky with a great compromise. I found a half-time job as an academic advisor very close to our house. We had to adjust our finances, but part-time has been an awesome compromise. I get to spend a ton more time with DD and I also still keep my resume current and get out of the house. Good luck figuring out what works for you!
I took 6 months off (my job was nice enough to let me do that with no pay) although I did a little work during that 6 months from home.
Right now I work 3 mornings a week from 8-1 and that is perfect. I basically work to fund my retirement and keep up with my skills (I'm in healthcare). But I could also easily stay home full time, at least until she is in school. There are a lot of things on MWF mornings more so then T or Th mornings so I am still missing out on some stuff that I would like to do with DD.
It would have been very hard for me to actually go back to work full time, not because of DD but because we are also raising DH's nieces (13 and 18 now) and they require a lot of time with driving them to appointments and activities (the 18 just barely got her license now) and picking them up from school. With a DH who can't be relied on because of work, most of that falls on me (he does help out when available).
Once DD is in school full time I may work a little more but no more than 8-1 5 days a week so I have some time for me as well. But again I'm pretty content being at home so working PT is perfect for me.
I SAH. It's what we planned on doing, as for us it'd make no financial sense for me to work. Before DS I was an office manager and got laid off twice in one year (yacht service sure took a hit when the market crashed). DH makes enough for us to live comfortably.
I plan to work part-time once DS is in school. I want to be able to attend school functions, help with field trips and so on. For me, I don't think I'd be able to be a full time working mom... it's sounds way too busy of a life for me. I'd be overwhelmed. I like being able to do things on our schedule.
I'm sure DS would love daycare tho... we do preschool once a week and it's his favorite thing in the world. Jealous of your LO's that get to play with friends everyday. That's probably my biggest problem with staying home - I worry that he's not getting the social benefits of DC.
Yes, this exactly! I went back to work when DD was 12 weeks old. I don't like my job, but it pays well and has great benefits (pension/leave/insurance).
My income allows us to not have to worry about finances so much, whereas if I was SAH, all the little extras and vacations would go away. (my salary is higher than DH's)
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa!
Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF