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Please, no flames...

mccall0113mccall0113 member
in Blended Families
DS11 came home early from visitation today (per CO, this is allowed due to mental illness diagnosis).  DS was in tears.  Apparently DS and DD8 were in an argument and DS was not able to calm himself down.  Per DS, his father and grandfather pinned him to the bed and were yelling.  DS does not want to go again and is scared of the both of them.  I know DS should not have a choice about visitation.  But I don't think two grown men should have to physically restrain an 11 year old.  I did call XH to hear his side.  DS did not cause or attempt to cause anyone harm.  He just gets loud.  Last summer XH had a restraining order for a similar situation.  I honestly don't think XH is causing DS physical harm.  He just does not know how to handle an outburst.  I do feel like this type of discipline is not good for DS's mental well being.  I'm torn.  I have encouraged XH to participate in therapy with the kids, encouraged more time together, encouraged XH to participate in school activities.  All to no avail.  My inner b!tch says to make XH's life miserable but I know I need to do what is in the best interest of the kids.  I'm also angry because I have no one to call when DS has trouble at home.  I step up to the plate and take care of him.  I don't have the option to send him to his father's.  I guess I am needing to vent.  Anyone else out there have similar dilemmas?  I work in the mental health field and always thought I would know what to do if I thought my kids were being abused. I never realized what a difficult situation I would be placed in.  
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Re: Please, no flames...

  • TasheystarTasheystar
    No similar difficulties, just wanted to offer some sympathy.

    I kinda get the "step up to the plate" thing, as my husband is military and is away a lot. I was sick a couple weeks ago, and he didn't want to take the boys to church by himself. I
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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    Is supervised parenting sessions an option in conjunction with parenting classes for children with special needs? Emotional and verbal abuse takes much longer to heal.

    SIL ex is only allowed to see two of their kids because he can't pull it
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  • mccall0113mccall0113 member
    XH needs something like this.  I will be talking to SD's therapist this week for support/ideas/ encouragement.
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  • mom2onemom2one member
    It is not uncommon for a mentally ill person (even a child) to need to be restrained by MORE than two grown men. I'm so sorry for your son...I hope he is ok.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    You've encouraged your XH enough.  Start taking the next step - legal action - to protect your child, whatever degree of action that might be.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
    You say DS us not being abused and then further down you talk about protecting him. From what?

    His father can discipline him however he chooses. Restraining him may not be how you handle things but it obviously is how your ex handles it. <
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