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S/O Child Support

sweetie0228sweetie0228 member
in Blended Families

What does a BM have to look like or present herself to be "deserving" of CS? It happens a lot on this board, mostly newer SM to the CS game, but the first thing they accuse the BM of doing w/ the CS is gettting her hair and nails done. How low does the BM have to grovel to deserve the CS?

It does come from a place where, my ex avoids paying CS as often as possible and once b/c of an inheratence being placed in his bank account his assets were frozen until he made the arrangements to pay a full arrears balance. He then took me to mediation to lower CS. AND dared to say that he paid for my wedding to my DH b/c he was required to pay the arrears.

I support the children on my own, I have a stable profesional career and can honestly live my life without CS. BUT it's not his money for me it's not some benevolent gift, its money used for the children.

I know there are abuses on both sides. I'm not so naive to believe that the BM is always the wounded victim. But it really gets me upset that the first payor response is "she doesn't look like she needs it so why should we continue to pay such an excessive amount of money"

Stepping off soap box

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Re: S/O Child Support

  • cole2144cole2144 member
    We have 50/50 so I do not believe that we should be paying support other than half of child care and insurance. Why should we have to pay for two households? She should pay for her household and we pay for ours. I do not believe that my husband should be
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imagecole2144:
    We have 50/50 so I do not believe that we should be paying support other than half of child care and insurance. Why shoul
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imageLittlejen22:
    imagecole21
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
    I think that BFs and SMs have an issue when they pay CS to a BM who has no other source of income but CS, can afford luxuries for herself, but still asks for more money because she "needs" it for the kids. Because the BM spends money on herself there isn'
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    Kids need to be taken care of and supported, no argument.

    However, as a BM I sideeye and judge other BMs who complain that they don't receive enough CS. Guess what Toots, DC hasn't paid his CS in YEARS and owes me 20k. I've survived and my k
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  • docco11docco11 member
    I can say that we don't have an issue with paying the CS, but, rather the amount of support that we pay.  We pay at exceptional amount for one child, more than what some pay for a mortgage (not just us, there are other families on this board do as we
    Report Reply
  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imagejobalchak:
    Kids need to be taken care of and supported, no argument. However, as a BM I sideeye and judge other BMs who co
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    Should NCPs who choose to invest less than 50% of their time have to pay more than 50% of expenses?

    As I've said before, I could not begin to put a price tag on what kids costs. But if I thought XH paid more than 50% of DS's expenses, the thought

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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    imagefellesferie:

    Should NCPs who choose to invest less than 50% of their time have to pay more than 50% of expenses?

    As I've

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  • IfMamaAintHappyIfMamaAintHappy member
    imagesabrina69barnes:
    I think that BFs and SMs have an issue when they pay CS to a BM who has no other source of income but CS, can affo

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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    I think what the poster was getting at is it gets extremely old when one side is working and paying CS and the other side isn't working at all and receiving CS.

    If you've never experienced it that's awesome but if you've been at the end of h
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  • brenanigansbrenanigans
    imagecole2144:

    imageLittlejen
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  • brenanigansbrenanigans

    imageNineoceans:
    I think what the poster was getting at is it gets extremely old when one side is working and paying CS and the oth
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imagecole2144:

    imageLittlejen22:<
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    We do not begrudge BM her child support. We also pay for medical, dental, and vision as well as half of extras. The only time I got annoyed was when she sent them here for Christmas and told them to tell daddy they needed winter coats and boots. I woul
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  • awesomenus1341awesomenus1341 member
    I'm gonna agree that the biggest frustration is sending so much money every month and seeing it mishandled. It is not mine or my DH's place to tell BM how to spend her money, however, it's frustrating when we are making sacrafices daily to account for chi
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imageCurlyQ284:

    She can get her hair done if she wants, I won't be pissy about it lol.


    Does the B
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imageNineoceans:
    imageCurlyQ2
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    I'm just ticked bc BM gets CS while we have 50/50, got a job a month after our court hearing dancing on tables practically nude, and was pulling in 4x the we were. We spent everything we had on that court battle and couldn't go back. Now she is jobless,
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imagecole2144:

    imageNineoceans:</
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imageJNLLSM:
    The one good thing is it does not last forever. What are these BM going to do when the children are grown.
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  • mom2onemom2one member
    imagecole2144:

    imageNineocean
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  • squeaks521squeaks521

    In our situation BM works four hours a week.  She is a server. But SD is only in third grade so she can't work more according to her.  The moderator last time got in a fairly heated exchange with her  because she kept saying that SD had

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  • caden1206caden1206 member

    I personally don't like the arguement "we have sk for 50/50".  My decree says we have joint custody, but really the time is not 50/50.  I have my son 12 days to every two his father has him.  That means his home is my house and CS s

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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    imagecaden1206:

    I personally don't like the arguement "we have sk for 50/50".  My decree says we have joint custody, but reall

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  • Jessys_GirlJessys_Girl

    imagesabrina69barnes:
    I think that BFs and SMs have an issue when they pay CS to a BM who has no other source of income but CS, can
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imagecaden1206:
    I personally don't like the arguement "we have sk for 50/50".nbsp; My decree says we have joint custody, but really the
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  • caden1206caden1206 member

    Actually, I am not missing the point.  I have heard from my XH's mouth that he shouldn't have to pay child support because he has our son 50% of the time and has joint custody.  Obviously by my previous statement he doesn't have my son 50% of

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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    It's crazy to say that CS shouldn't be based upon income of the mother and father. Whether they earn 100 or 10000 per month it should be based on that.
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  • caden1206caden1206 member
    imageMelRC117:
    Well I stopped reading your post at main home. If your ex was taking all the days he is supposed to, it seems you think y
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Caden you sound like a good BM. I think what's great about this board is we try not to generalize. I know most Bms are awesome. I was raised by a single mom.

    Mine unfortunately is a scam artist and fwiw we have joint residential which means
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    imageKarma1969:
    It's crazy to say that CS shouldn't be based upon income of the mother and father. Whether they earn 100 or 10000 per m
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  • caden1206caden1206 member

    imageNineoceans:
    imageKarma19
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  • hopankahopanka member
    Nineoceans, what they mean by a child costs 940 a month is not just what you buy for the child specifically, but also a portion of the living area he occupies plus a portion of utilities. These measures are to ensure a child has access to water, light in
    Report Reply
  • mom2onemom2one member

    imagehopanka:
    Nineoceans, what they mean by a child costs 940 a month is not just what you buy for the child specifically, but also
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  • Sweet30peaSweet30pea member
    imagesabrina69barnes:
    I think that BFs and SMs have an issue when they pay CS to a BM who has no other source of income but CS, can affo
    Report Reply
  • Sweet30peaSweet30pea member
    imagesabrina69barnes:
    I think that BFs and SMs have an issue when they pay CS to a BM who has no other source of income but CS, can affo
    Report Reply
  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    imageNineoceans:
    imageCurlyQ284:</st
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    We have been once since we got 50-50 but we go back Friday. It`s ridiculous that we have 50-50 and still pay 62 percent. BM needs to pay her fair share to take care of SD.
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    imagemom2one:

    imagehopanka:</
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