As I've mentioned here before, we're now set up for a DE cycle in June. I was going to try natural IVF at the suggestion of a new RE in April (i.e., this cycle ... I'm on CD1), but the donor cycle was lined up more quickly than anticipated, and the donor can only cycle in June, not later in the summer. So I'm pretty sure that means this is the last cycle I can TTC before going on meds of one kind or another for the donor cycle.
I emailed with the new RE today and he confirmed what I had suspected -- that it doesn't really make sense to try just one natural IVF cycle. I think you need to make time for several to have a decent chance of success. He confirmed that in light of my plans it made sense to skip the natural cycle and move on to DE. I thanked him for his honesty. So, barring unforeseen circumstances, and except for trying the old-fashioned way this month ... I am done. I'm officially giving up on my OE.
I feel sad and heavy-hearted about this -- I almost feel physically heavy, in fact, like my limbs are made of lead -- and writing it out this way is bringing the tears back. But I also feel kind of peaceful. I didn't think I'd ever get here, but after 3 totally awful IVFs (and 6 other treatment cycles), and not a single, even short-lived BFP, or even a decent-looking embryo, it's time for me to move on.
Not being able to have my own genetic children is the greatest disappointment of my life so far. So obviously I've been pretty lucky. Things have usually worked out for me. But somewhere, deep down, I've known for a long time -- maybe even before I started -- that this is the thing that wouldn't work out for me. I almost feel like I've been play-acting, even letting myself hope that all of these OE treatments will work.
But I also have the intuition that DE is different, and it already feels more real to me. Suddenly it's almost like I can feel my future children waiting for me, and I've never felt that way before. I know this sounds hokey and strange, and it doesn't mean that this particular donor and cycle will work out, but something's changed. I told my husband recently that I want our extra bedroom cleared out, empty, not collecting extra furniture and piles of books. We've packed up the detritus, and the movers are coming tomorrow to take things out. I'm going to buy a nice soft rug. I'm not buying baby furniture but there will be room there now, and I think there will be a baby there soon.
Re: Officially done with OE treatments (sorry, long)
none of that sounds hokey at all.
i know that you are grieving for what you could not accomplish with your own eggs, and that is completely normal.
prayers for peace for you and yh as you look toward the cycle in June.
(((huge hugs)))
Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!
Me:29 DH:29 TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues
8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F.
IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.
ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts. SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!! 1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection
Here Comes the Sun Blog
PAIF/SAIF welcome!
Huge ((hugs))! Many T&P that DE brings you success. I think it's good for you to physically clear out and create the space for a LO so that on days when you're not feeling quite as hopeful you can see that space and remind yourself of how you feel
***signature & ticker warning***
Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
Stopped BCP 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.
If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!
Countless BFN(s)
Moving to IVF
IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy
Pressing Forward
IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN
FET. 2TFR'ed.
Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
Where do we go from here?
Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
Finally some (tough) answers.
IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!
Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224!
1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats! Overjoyed!
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
There are mixed blessings that come with arriving at a decision point, and obviously you have both some joy and pain right now.
I'm happy that you have a plan, and that the plan comes with renewed hope. But it's also heart-wrenching to watch the
***SIGNATURE WARNING***
TTC #1
Me 42, DH 47
Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI
IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN
IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; early loss
IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; early loss
FET = BFN
IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP
Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251.
1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat!
2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track.
Our beautiful little girl arrived January 2015!