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Infertility
Poll: In Honor of "Maybe you'll get lucky..."
I just read that post and was inspired to post a poll, lol.
What are some of the comments that sting the most when others are "giving advice" on your T-TTC journey?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: In Honor of "Maybe you'll get lucky..."
I have two that I can think of that I really can't stand:
--"You're still young." So what? Does it make my desire any less valid? Does it make the struggle any less painful? Yes, I still have more "fruitful" years left in me, but we are ready to start our family now. That statement is the opposite of consoling to me.
--"Just relax." Enough said.
When I say we can't have kids without fertility treatments I get..."You never know it could happen"
I just want to shake them and say "what part of my DH has no sperm makes you think it could just happen?" so annoying and thoughtless especially when they know our circumstances.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
This is my exact situation. Usually its accompanied by you should try adoption. My fathers sisters husbands cousin adopted and she got pregnant right after!
"I didn't know to tell you I was pg" - as if I am a doll that will break.
"Just relax" - if I hear that one more time, it's gonna get ugly.
And of course, these pearls of wisdom are always from fertiles, whose DH's only have to look at them to get them pg
I hate this one too, for all of those reasons, and plus if I were older IF would at least make a little more sense in my head. It's like thanks, remind me that I AM young and should not have problems like this...that helps! ugh.
most people don't know- but my one very fertile friend does & her classic advice is:
"just count 14 days after your period- have sex & you'll get pregnant. that's how i did it!"
um- ok. yeeeah. and:
"you're not pregnant yet? you must be doing it wrong- it's not that hard!"
bwaaaahaha! thanks doll.
look at the birds | bless this food
"It's time to stop all of this and just adopt"
Can't tell you how many people I've put in their place - just in the last week - over saying this one!
It's even better when they add the "I know someone who, after x# of year of trying, stopped treatment, began adoption proceedings, and ended up getting pregnant".
From MIL - "You've only been trying a year and a half...that's not very long at all!"
Huh?
This is from a woman who had 4 kids right in a row - 2 accidents - before she had her tubes tied.
Ooooh, I HATE that one. When we first started all of this one of my friends would say that all the time. I finally had to tell her to stop - it bugs me so much!
I've gotten that one a few times and have to always sit and explain how it works and how it will not happen with IVF.
Of course I have gotten the relax, from somebody who went through IF, too.
And my FIL REALLY didn't understand when we told him, and told us 'trying was free'. Yeah.... it is. But not if we want it to work.
'You two have such a great life together - you shouldn't ruin it by having kids'
'Now that you are on a break from treatment, you will definitely get pregnant'
'You should just get drunk and have sex all month - that is how I did it'
'just adopt'
People say the dumbest things!
2 chem preg, 4 failed IUIs, 2 canc IVFs, 2 BFN IVFs, IVF #5 = BFP!!!
3/23 Beta #1 @ 17dpo = 913, Beta #2 @ 19dpo = 1724, Beta #3 @ 21 dpo = 3240
First u/s 3/29 @ 5 weeks 2 days - 3 sacs 6 weeks 3 days - 3 heartbeats 8 Weeks - Lost Baby C, Babies A and B going strong
Mine was actually from my mother. She told me, "At least your infertility is better than having a child that is sick." (I was a sick baby) I know that she meant well, but I was thinking, 'So says the person that easily (and accidentally) conceived three children in three years.' I know that she was trying to comfort me, but she is completely ignorant in IF and doesn't understand the desperate long and anticiapation for a baby. She doesn't understand what I go through every month when my DH and I do everything right and I'm sooo sure it worked this month and then all the sudden I start my cycle. She doesn't understand how hard it is for me to see mothers my age with children and know that I thought I would be her by now.
After she got off the phone with me she called my sister (she has PCOS and has two beautiful children after years of trying) and my sister was pretty hard on her telling her that what she said could not possiblely help me. She called me back and apologized and bought me a book on inspiratiuonal stories about infertility to give me hope.
All of the above drive me crazy too!! and
"When its meant to be it will happen" What does that mean? If it doesn't its not meant to be for me? That makes me sad.
When we finally got a BFP after two years, I got "see, it finally happened when you relaxed!", and I wanted to say "NO YOU D-BAG, we just got incredibly lucky and we were not relaxed at all actually!", but I didn't say that cause I'm a nice girl.
I was also asked once by a friends grandfather if I had any kids and when i said no, he said "well what's wrong with you"?, and when I said nothing, he said "if I was your husband I would get rid of you and find somebody that worked." He proceeded to go on and on and my friend never once stepped in. Needless to say that relationship is over and I won't ever forget that day....ever.
My personal "favorite" from my mom: "It does not matter if you ovulate, when God is ready for you to have a baby, you will get pg even though you have never ovulated in you life." Thanks Mom.
The relax and it will happen gets me too. An then there is the "all in due time." Due time by whose definition.
Anniversary Tickers
-Turn off the tv, open a bottle of wine and just spend some time with DH....ok, is there even sex involved here?
-Oh that surgery for varicocele repair worked for my brother/uncle/cousin/friend, you should get it done!
-Have you guys ever thought of adoption?
-Wow you have been married awhile...but you are still young (as they uncomfortably slink away).....
The list goes on!!!
Just Relax - I think is the worse.
Also - when people act like it is no big deal - like oh well you can't have kids - hello it is a big deal to me.
"Are you sure you are doing it right?" -Oh! I didn't realize it went in THAT hole! Douche
"At least you get to sleep on the weekends."
"When are you guys just going to give up and stop trying? I have a friend....blah blah blah....then she was pg!"
People are thoughtless
"I know this is all going to work out and you WILL get pregnant!" I think she was trying to be positive, but you don't know it will happen and it invalidates my feelings/fears that it may never happen.
"We couldn't possibly go jogging together! Who would watch the kids?! I guess you just don't think about those things-- you'll understand someday" No, I just didn't realize your 10 yr old couldn't be in the house alone for 30 min.
Last year, DH and I went to Florida for a weekend and countless people said, I bet you get pregnant this weekend. You just need to get away from everything and it will happen. When my mom said that, I told her that I had just started my period and would have it the entire weekend. She said, well, you never know....WHAT??!!
People also often tell me to just get drunk and have lots of sex. Oh yeah, because alcohol makes you magically fertile.....just like how you ovulate everyday when you are on vacation! *sigh*
My mom is also constantly telling me that I should try to get pregnant immediately after we have our first one because my hormones will all be in the right place when I'm breastfeeding. I swear, she's probably told me that like 20 times (not exaggerating).
And of course the ever popular, "YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX" Come on girls, just relax and we'll all get pregnant right away, DUH!
Im heard my share of them from jsut about everyone!
you're trying to hard
when you stop trying so hard you'll get pg
you need to relax
plan an expensive vacation
get rip roaring drunk
did you know you have to have sex to get pg
are you doing it during the right time
is there enough romance in your marriage
that's what is on the top of my head, Im sure there have been others!
I don't get the "just relax" or "go on a vacation and have a lot of sex" comments anymore since I've been open about telling people about our multiple infertility treatments (although I used to hear those comments all the time). Now I get,"I just KNOW it'll happen for you." Then they'll continue to tell me a story of some infertile friend or a friend of a friend who got pregnant after their first IVF or their second IUI. When you're on your 4th IVF, it doesn't really encourage me to know someone you sort of know got pregnant on their first IVF or on an IUI.
I know they mean well, but when you're feeling like it will never happen, it doesn't make you feel better just because "they know" or because it happened to a friend of a friend on their first IVF.
Just relax. As soon as I stopped thinking about it, I got pregnant.
As soon as you file adoption paperwork, you'll get pregnant.
You're running out of time (courtesy of my RE)
My favorite was a friend of DH's. We finally told him we had 3 m/c's after he bugged us for the umpteenth time about "catching up" to his 2 kids. He went on and on about a friend who couldn't get pregnant and finally did after a gazillion years. I wanted to say, "That's great, but the thing is, I'm miscarrying, dumbass. What's your solution for that?"
We haven't told hardly anyone so I don't get the "helpful" comments...but I do TOTALLY agree with pp who said "oh one day when you have kids you'll understand..." about [insert topic]. Both DH and I get that a LOT.
I call it the SmugMother complex and I SWEAR I WILL NEVER BE THAT WAY, EVER!!
My favorite (and I have gotten this from more than one person) is
"You are crazy for going through this, god just take my kids for one day and you will be glad it won't work."
Currently pg with our 1st after 6.5 yrs of IF (thank you IVF)
My IF/Everything Blog
There's No Crying in Baseball
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