M/C Update (long)

2MamazInSeattle · March 2013

Hi all,

First thanks for all of the support in the past week since we learned our little one had passed away.

I wanted to share about my D&E/loss. If you're not up to reading this I understand (hence the title).

I don't know how much is appropriate to share, but I had the prep (laminaria) for the D&E yesterday, and then today was the actual surgery. The prep was basically putting 5 seaweed sticks (they looked like glow sticks or drinking straws) in my cervix. I did ok with the first 3, but the last two were brutal. I was in pain-like-I'd-never-known until about 9 p.m. last night, and couldn't even leave the doctor's office for over 3 hours. I'd never felt pain like that. Ater lots of oxycodone, by 1 a.m. I finally slept until 5. Then we headed in to the hospital (The MFM docs at UWashington did the surgery).

I arrived and learned they had moved me 45 minutes later, which made me burst into tears...it was bound to happen for no good reason, the tears. But still, things went smoothly, our caregivers were wonderful at every stage and before I knew it, I was in the OR and thinking about going to Maui. Next thing I knew, I was waking up.

That was the worst part- I asked questions that made no sense about the baby, like I wanted to confirm he had 10 fingers and toes... and then just started sobbing because I remembered why I was there. It was suddenly *so final*. I think I cried harder than when we learned he had no hb.

The next moment could not have been more perfect though. My recovery nurse sat down beside the bed, rested her head on her arms on the side and cried with me. She said "I lost a baby once and it is the worst pain. I'm so sorry." She is probably 50+, but still cried for her LO woh she lost at 10 weeks 15 years ago. It was exactly what I needed, just someone to understand. She said she had a happy ending - a single mom, she adopted a little girl from China who is now 13 and the light of her life!

I had told her I didn't want J yet, I was being irrational - thinking it would be too hard for her to see me cry so hard. But after the exchange we had I was ready, she got J, and my recovery time was clockwork otherwise - I was home by 12:30 (8:30ish procedure).

I am so sad to be a part of this group of women who have lost their babies - but it is so comforting to hear from the women who've gone before me in this struggle. It means so much. Reminds me I will survive.

Now the hard part really starts - and I know that. We will get through it, and we will try again. We know we want to be parents now even more than before.

Thanks for reading/listening. I know it's so scary to read stories of loss when you rae either pregnant, or trying to be. Know that your support and thoughts have been felt and made a huge difference for me.

JM1977 · March 2013

Thank you for sharing your story even as painful as it is. My heart goes out to you. (((HUGS)))

liz4paws · March 2013

You are so incredibly brave and strong. My heart goes out to you and YW and I hope you're able to take care of one another in the tough days ahead and heal. Giant squishy hugs for you

ufrower · March 2013

I am so very sorry you are going through this. I am happy that nurse was there to comfort you. You are a strong person and sounds like you have a great support system. You are in my thoughts.

happywifemomofone · March 2013

I am so sorry that you had to go through, but glad to hear that there was a supportive nurse that you could lean on. Take good care of yourself. Big (((hugs)))

mollykelley · March 2013

Sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers! My heart goes out to you and your wife.

Strunella · March 2013

Thinking of you and sending lots of strength. Your little boy was so loved, even though for such a short time. I've had three losses (though earlier on) and you do go on and you do heal, but there is always a part of you that feels just a l

IUIBaby · March 2013

Hugs!!!

BeckyP005 · March 2013

You will be in my thoughts during this difficult healing time. Big hugs

Km672 · March 2013

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I am so grateful you had a supportive nurse. I hope you and YW are able to find some peace through this terrible time. Again, I'm so sorry.

stinkerbell6879 · March 2013

So sorry you have had to go through this and so glad you had a wonderful nurse there with you. (((HUGS))))

ebdubbed · March 2013

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through but it sounds like everyone involved did their best to make you comfortable during this awful experience. I know how tough the next days and weeks are. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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