IL vent, after baby

CBomback · March 2013

Sorry - this is long...

I have never had a good relationship with DH's parents, and we have been together for 5 years. His parents are very critical about everything, even subjects that they have NO experience with. And they are not shy about vocalizing their criticisms. FIL is a pediatrician and MIL is a social worker who works with moms and babies. So, as you can imagine, the new baby is just too good an opportunity for them to pass up to judge us about our parenting skills.

As it happened, I had a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning. Baby wouldn't latch on one side, my milk came in late, the whole shebang. After meeting with a lactation consultant and lots of time and effort, we have finally worked out the breastfeeding thing. But not before baby lost 10% of her birth weight. It was really hard on me.

So, the ILs drop by a few days ago, and FIL keeps on saying to MIL, "the baby sleeps too much and doesn't eat enough," WHILE I'M IN THE ROOM. She refuses to nurse more frequently than once every 4 hours, except for a cluster feeding before bedtime (followed by 5-6 hours straight of sleep). Anyhow, FIL keeps on repeating this passive-aggressive accusation to MIL. He must have said it about 10 times.

So, this sensitive, exhausted new mother spends that entire night attempting to wake the baby to eat more often. Result: totally exhausted new mommy and baby that has managed to stay asleep through the entire night except for one feeding. New daddy slept through it all and goes to work the next morning.

So, new mommy and baby are left to themselves all day, except mommy is too tired to cope with anything. My mom called, and I ended up having a total breakdown on the phone. My mom came over to take care of the baby while I napped and got it together. When DH got home I told him that I was really frickin mad about his dad coming into our home and undermining my confidence in a subject that I was still VERY sensitive about. He called them and yelled at them, which resulted in them coming back a day later and they just kept repeating "she is so plump and healthy, what a glowing baby." OMG, so transparent and just as annoying as saying I wasn't taking care of the baby.

Then, yesterday MIL decided she was going to spend the day with me and the baby. She did not ask if I needed her to come over - she just did. And then she was here for 8 hours. Just imagine having to spend 8 straight hours with someone you don't have a good relationship with. Ugh. And then, FIL shows up. Unannounced. Is it too much to let someone know you are coming over before you do??? At this point I am getting a huge migraine, and DH is still not home from work. The ILs start talking about staying for dinner (which was going to be a casserole that my mom dropped off the day before).

I know the grandparents want to see the LO, but is there any way to politely limit their presence in my home??? I am tired and stressed out, and having them around does not help me at all.

Sorry, I just needed to get it all out (and it's actually not really even all of it, unfortunately).

emriley84 · March 2013

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Maybe your DH could ask his parents to call before they stop over? It will give you an opportunity to say "Oh we were just going to lay down for a nap, but after dinner would be perfect." You guys need to set boundar

ClandestineX · March 2013

I am sorry you're going through this, I am going to try and give you "What I would do" advice, but I am much more abrasive than a lot of people about other people over stepping their boundaries towards me.

Anyways, if your Husband has your back a

AMomWithABlog · March 2013

Wow, how frustrating. As if you don't have enough on your plate - clearly. *eye roll*

Keep your head up hun. As your babys' momma you know what will work. You two will have your own system regardless of what might be recommended to be "by the

Mrs E in Oregon · March 2013

If everyone else's advice doesn't work you can always go the silent route. Put a sign on your door that says "New baby, do not ring bell," close the blinds to the front of your house and if at all possible put your car in the garage. Don't answer your

Redmegeles · March 2013

I am so sorry! My MIL would come over unannounced all the time, let herself into my house and just hang out.... It drove me crazy. I tried to use "nice" words and drop hints, and she kept doing it. Once, she came over when I was in the shower, and when

Runaway22 · March 2013

I have no advice, but I want to sympathize. That's really rough. Especially the obnoxious, "She's so plump and healthy" bit. Holy cow, I'd be aggravated. Thank goodness for your mom coming to the rescue, at least! <img src="https://community.thebump.com/cs

markhamgurl · March 2013

Ugh, that sucks. Best of luck with that, I'd definitely set some boundaries early on and try and limit your exposure to them as much as possible. If they want to visit with baby, your DH can be their main point of contact in future.

Girl031813 · March 2013

What a nightmare. I feel your pain. I don't know what I would do if ILs showed up unannounced like that.

CBomback · March 2013

Thanks, everyone.

I finally vented to DH, and he is taking care of it. Of course, he is annoyed that I am complaining about his parents again, but he's not being asked to spend 8 hours a day with my mom either, so he doesn't know what it's

Virginia&Joshua11052011 · March 2013

I feel your pain on nursing, my Kenan is having latching issues mostly due to impatience. And my nipples scabbed over, so last night I could only pump, and he would just cry if I tried to feed him with anything but me...I would cry too. Very emoti

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