Fundraising for adoption, Yay or nay

afrochick09 · March 2013

Just wondering what others opinions are on this matter? Do you see it as appropriate and a good idea to fundraise in order to adopt?

Art Teacher · March 2013

Personally I would consider doing a yard sale or selling things I made on Etsy (or a similar site) to raise money. I would feel funny just asking others to donate money, though. I guess it depends on your situation and your family and friends' willingness to donate.

What kind of fundraiser are you thinking of doing?

afrochick09 · March 2013

I'm not adopting but a close friend is. She and DH asked for plain out money donations at first and are now starting a few fundraisers. Just curious what others opinions on the matter was.

Dr.Loretta · March 2013

Yes, with caveats. Note this is just my opinion, and others may agree or disagree depending on their experiences.

I think that many options for adoption fundraising are just fine. They include taking out loans, getting a second job, holding yard sales or bake sales, selling products/services on Etsy, etc. I think it's fine to accept $ that friends/family may offer to defray costs, as long as they're not attaching strings to that $. I don't think it's fine to send a letter saying, "We're adopting, it's costing us $X, please send us $ to help." That is very off-putting to me.

Part of it is my personal experience. We have some family who have been particularly ungrateful to us in the past, and they pursued adoption not long before us. They sent a letter to their families saying, "Adoption is going to cost us $30K, please send us $." And then proceeded to ask for $ or specific gifts for their child, with hardly a thank-you, for the next year or 2. It really rubbed me the wrong way and colored my perception of that particular approach.

However, as you can see in my post below about adoption fundraising, some people think this is perfectly acceptable, as it is part of a religious/missionary approach to adoption, and the whole "takes a village" mentality. I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong, it's just something we are uncomfortable with.

afrochick09 · March 2013

I guess my stance is i'm fine with fundraising, that makes sense to me, but feel it's money hungry to just plain out ask for donations.

SoSweet06 · March 2013

We have hosted "online parties" for Scen*sy, etc. to raise funds, have sold things on Cra*gslist, have taken second jobs and are hoping to have a yard sale soon.

With adoption #1, there was a point after we had identified our child and knew he was sitting in an orphanage waiting on us that I felt desperate enough to ask for money. We thought we had a way to pay for it that didn't work out, and we were stuck. So, I get it. We ended up putting most of our expenses on credit cards, which was not financially responsible...but like I said, when you know your kid is sitting in an orphanage, you do desperate things. And, I've donated to families that had tried everything and truly run out of other options.

But, I personally would not commit to adopting a child with no access to money to bring them home, and I get a little annoyed with people who just expect to be handed the money. Parties, benefits, selling things--those all don't bother me, but I can't imagine just asking for money without the person getting anything in return.

Plus, I feel like that opens the door to people feeling as if they have a say in what happens after the adoption. My son had a community, what he needs now is a family...specifically, a family who is very educated on his needs and has the ability to advocate for him even when the "community" doesn't understand.

MagickalNarwhal · March 2013

We did. We had a blog where we asked for donations, and then we did a giant yard sale where we asked people to donate their junk.

I regret the blog and the direct $$ ask and I wish we had not done it. Looking back it just doesn't sit well with me.

I don't regret the yard sale though - we worked HARD! And tons of people gave us stuff, and it was really sweet and lovely.

I don't have thoughts on whether or not other people should fundraise though. Everyone is welcome to fundraise, and everyone is also welcome to contribute or NOT contribute to adoption fundraisers for other folks. My thoughts about it are strictly about my own experience.

elissaann26 · March 2013

Here's my opinion, but I do want to say that I feel like it is from an adoption outsider since we haven't pursued adoption and currently aren't planning to. Although we are very adoption-friendly, so that might influence this opinion.

I think that if you are going to fund raise that you should have a complete fundraising campaign that incorporates different types of money-makers. Not everyone is going to like 1 singular fundraiser. Part of it could be self-sacrifice (getting a second job, cutting costs to devote to adoption fund, etc). Part of it could be providing a good or service (selling on Etsy, hosting a pancake dinner, hosting a Bingo night). And I think part of it could be an option for direct monetary gifts.

I think I would have a problem with any kind of fundraising campaign that doesn't include the family making some sort of effort by themselves of raising money. And I think it is great to provide an exchange of goods/services for money. That way people can support you but still "get" something out of the deal. But I feel some people (like me) would like to all of their donation go to the cause 100%. I would prefer my $20 to help your adoption fund grow $20 instead of only maybe $18 if I ate $2 worth of pancake dinner. This is no different to me than writing a Girl Scout troop a check for $20 instead of buying cookies. And in fact, they are making $20 off of me instead of the $.32 a box (or whatever pitiful amount it is now).

I would be put off if people are only asking for straight cash donations. But I think it is totally fine to ask people to contribute in a way they are comfortable doing so (buying on Etsy, attending a Bingo night, donating items to a yard sale, volunteering their time to help at a pancake dinner, or even giving you cash).

And I always think it is nice to also include supporting you through the adoption journey as a way to support you. Some people may not have money or the time, but are able to send an encouraging email to you or listen to you vent when the roller coaster ride sucks. And honestly, those people can sometimes be hard to find.

afrochick09 · March 2013

elissaann26:
But I feel some people (like me) would like to all of their donation go to the cause 100%. I would prefer my $20 to help your adoption fund grow $20 instead of only maybe $18 if I ate $2 worth of pancake dinner.

I love how you explained this. I do agree that it's nicer knowing all the money your contributing is going to the cause alone. Thanks everyone for your responses, it's helped. I do wish to help my friends in any way possible, but a plain out donation isn't something DH and I can financially do. I had never thought about the "ownership" that could be on some peoples mind by just giving money.

smithpaint · March 2013

elissaann26:
Here's my opinion, but I do want to say that I feel like it is from an adoption outsider since we haven't pursued adoption and currently aren't planning to. Although we are very adoption-friendly, so that might influence this opinion.
I think that if you are going to fund raise that you should have a complete fundraising campaign that incorporates different types of money-makers. Not everyone is going to like 1 singular fundraiser. Part of it could be self-sacrifice (getting a second job, cutting costs to devote to adoption fund, etc). Part of it could be providing a good or service (selling on Etsy, hosting a pancake dinner, hosting a Bingo night). And I think part of it could be an option for direct monetary gifts.
I think I would have a problem with any kind of fundraising campaign that doesn't include the family making some sort of effort by themselves of raising money. And I think it is great to provide an exchange of goods/services for money. That way people can support you but still "get" something out of the deal. But I feel some people (like me) would like to all of their donation go to the cause 100%. I would prefer my $20 to help your adoption fund grow $20 instead of only maybe $18 if I ate $2 worth of pancake dinner. This is no different to me than writing a Girl Scout troop a check for $20 instead of buying cookies. And in fact, they are making $20 off of me instead of the $.32 a box (or whatever pitiful amount it is now).
I would be put off if people are only asking for straight cash donations. But I think it is totally fine to ask people to contribute in a way they are comfortable doing so (buying on Etsy, attending a Bingo night, donating items to a yard sale, volunteering their time to help at a pancake dinner, or even giving you cash).
And I always think it is nice to also include supporting you through the adoption journey as a way to support you. Some people may not have money or the time, but are able to send an encouraging email to you or listen to you vent when the roller coaster ride sucks. And honestly, those people can sometimes be hard to find.

I agree with this. My husband and I are working very hard to bring home our little guy. We asked people to help in any way they feel comfortable. Some people did give us $. Some donated items for our garage sale. We're having a Pampered Chef party. Some people are helping by watching our kids while we are travelling. Almost all of the $ will be coming from us, but the little bit that we're raising will help us get to him ASAP (he has special needs and the sooner we get him the better). We're very grateful for any and all help. But we're not mad at people who don't. I feel if you are comfortable helping other people then do it. If you don't want to, then don't. No one is forcing you to do anything. Fundraising isn't fun. I'd rather not ask for help, but at the same time I'm willing to help my family and friends when they need it. My husband and I are always willing to donate time and money to our family. We rarely ask for help from others, but right now we are. The little boy we are adopting needs us desperately. Sometimes being a parent means sucking up your pride and asking for help.

LaTi07 · March 2013

We're still in the very early stages of this journey, but are coming up with a game plan for funding our adoption. My mom and I both love to sew and do so every weekend so we plan on making stuff and selling it on Etsy. On the store page it will have a note that 100% of the procees will be going towards our adoption because they will. We are also going to be selling off items in garage sales or on Craigslist and my DH will be working his butt off.

We have agreed that we will not have a "donate here" button on the blog we're creating or hint/ask that we would like money. If someone feels like they want to contribute just to contribute, we would still send them something in return as a thank you for helping us reach our goal of being parents.

mommytoconnor · March 2013

Personally I don't care for the whole fundraiser for adoption thing. I know how expensive it can be, but something about asking people to donated so you can adopt just doesn't set right with me. I agree with PP I would do like yard sale, etc.

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