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MrserinJ
member
SIL name drama. Advice please!
MrserinJ
member
in Baby Names
Hi Everyone,
I'm hoping you can give me your honest opinion on this situation because I'm truly at a loss....
SIL and I are both pregnant. She is due 5 weeks before me. We found out we are having our third boy a couple of weeks ago! They don't know what they're having.
3 years ago, I was about 38 weeks pregnant with our second son and she had just found out she was pregnant with her first baby. She was asking me if we decided on names and I said we loved Lucas and Jonah. She got this look on her face and said "Jonah is our favorite name". It was kind of awkward but whatever. When we had our so 3 weeks later, we decided that he was a Lucas.
Fast toward to last week. SIL asks me again what names we're liking. I say we really love Benjamin and Jonah again. I'm on the way to the airport, so this is over text. She has told me through her whole pregnancy that she is set on using Judah, it's the only name she likes. She sends me a text back that Jonah and Judah are the only names she loves and I know that! I say "well I understand you love Jonah and I you choose that, I will understand because I certainly don't own a name. I love it but obviously, it's your choice and I completely understand of you go with it!"
Last night, when our flight landed and we got to our vacation house, I see that she has sent me this huge email.
She doesn't want me to use Jonah, even if she doesn't use it and uses Judah instead. She says its waaaay to similar and confusing for people to have Jonah and Judah in the same family and since those are the only 2 names she loves, she thinks I should be the one to back off. She can't believe I would hurt her this way since she told me 3 years ago she loved the name. She thinks I have no right to use it now since I didn't use it with Luke, so I've basically lost any right to use it now.
I was shocked. I mean, honestly, I was the one to say first las time I loved it. But it really doesn't matter. I wouldn't tell her not to use the name because its none of my business! I'm even more shocked that she is basically blocking off the name even if she doesn't use it because in her opinion it sounds too similar! Am I out of line in thinking this is unreasonable.
DH and I are t ready to commit to anything as I'm only 20 weeks. I kind of told her I'm sorry but a name is a big deal and I shouldn't have to commit to not using it because she finds it too similar. I not going to have hard feelings towards her if she does use Jonah because like I said, neither of us have claim to the name. It does surprise me she said she liked it again as soon as I said I liked it as she hasn't mentioned it once this pregnancy at all and said she was set on Judah but that's fine. People can change their minds right? If she uses it, I will go with something else. But is it unrealistic and unfair of her to expect me to promise not to use it even if she doesn't? I kind of told her I thought it was unfair of her to ask that and that I'm not going to commit to not using it just because she doesn't want me to.
Sorry if this is rambling. I'm just upset because I don't was to cause problems but I feel like she is out of line. Of course she has every right to her opinion and I could be out of line too. The people we on in vacation with think she is being ridiculous and said its none of her business. DH thinks this too. He says you can't tell people to not use similar names! I don't know though.... I thought you all might be able to offer some unbiased opinions.
Thank you for listening! Sorry this was so long.
I'm hoping you can give me your honest opinion on this situation because I'm truly at a loss....
SIL and I are both pregnant. She is due 5 weeks before me. We found out we are having our third boy a couple of weeks ago! They don't know what they're having.
3 years ago, I was about 38 weeks pregnant with our second son and she had just found out she was pregnant with her first baby. She was asking me if we decided on names and I said we loved Lucas and Jonah. She got this look on her face and said "Jonah is our favorite name". It was kind of awkward but whatever. When we had our so 3 weeks later, we decided that he was a Lucas.
Fast toward to last week. SIL asks me again what names we're liking. I say we really love Benjamin and Jonah again. I'm on the way to the airport, so this is over text. She has told me through her whole pregnancy that she is set on using Judah, it's the only name she likes. She sends me a text back that Jonah and Judah are the only names she loves and I know that! I say "well I understand you love Jonah and I you choose that, I will understand because I certainly don't own a name. I love it but obviously, it's your choice and I completely understand of you go with it!"
Last night, when our flight landed and we got to our vacation house, I see that she has sent me this huge email.
She doesn't want me to use Jonah, even if she doesn't use it and uses Judah instead. She says its waaaay to similar and confusing for people to have Jonah and Judah in the same family and since those are the only 2 names she loves, she thinks I should be the one to back off. She can't believe I would hurt her this way since she told me 3 years ago she loved the name. She thinks I have no right to use it now since I didn't use it with Luke, so I've basically lost any right to use it now.
I was shocked. I mean, honestly, I was the one to say first las time I loved it. But it really doesn't matter. I wouldn't tell her not to use the name because its none of my business! I'm even more shocked that she is basically blocking off the name even if she doesn't use it because in her opinion it sounds too similar! Am I out of line in thinking this is unreasonable.
DH and I are t ready to commit to anything as I'm only 20 weeks. I kind of told her I'm sorry but a name is a big deal and I shouldn't have to commit to not using it because she finds it too similar. I not going to have hard feelings towards her if she does use Jonah because like I said, neither of us have claim to the name. It does surprise me she said she liked it again as soon as I said I liked it as she hasn't mentioned it once this pregnancy at all and said she was set on Judah but that's fine. People can change their minds right? If she uses it, I will go with something else. But is it unrealistic and unfair of her to expect me to promise not to use it even if she doesn't? I kind of told her I thought it was unfair of her to ask that and that I'm not going to commit to not using it just because she doesn't want me to.
Sorry if this is rambling. I'm just upset because I don't was to cause problems but I feel like she is out of line. Of course she has every right to her opinion and I could be out of line too. The people we on in vacation with think she is being ridiculous and said its none of her business. DH thinks this too. He says you can't tell people to not use similar names! I don't know though.... I thought you all might be able to offer some unbiased opinions.
Thank you for listening! Sorry this was so long.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SIL name drama. Advice please!
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
You lost me at the end... I started skimming just because such a long story. LOL. Sorry. But here's my take:
You are pretty cool for saying you honestly don't mind if she uses Jonah. So, I say, if she uses Judah... Jonah is still free territory for you. She can't tell you to not use Jonah because it is too similar to Judah. She has no right.
FWIW, I really like both names a lot. BUT... They are A LITTLE too similar, in my opinion, for cousin's to both have. It's almost like Julia and Juliet to me, which I wouldn't do for cousins.
So, in the end, if I were you, even though she has no right to tell you that you can't use Jonah if she uses Judah... I still wouldn't use it because of the similarity.
Wow.
Stay out of it. Let DH tell his sister to take off her crazy pants.
Neither of you own the name and she has no right to force you to promise not to use a name because she "might" use it. It's even more unreasonable for you to not use a name that she thinks is too similar to a name she "might" use.
Whoever has a boy first gets to name him whatever they want and the other person has no right to be upset.
If she really doesn't know the sex of this baby she's really borrowing trouble unnecessarily. She's starting this drama when she might be carrying a girl and the whole point is moot.
Ignore bad behavior, or as I said, let DH handle his sister's outburst.
Yes, she is out of line. If she brings this up again, you need a short, final reply along the lines of: "You can choose the name you like and we will choose the name we like. And I am done talking about this. Please do not bring it up again." You don't owe her any sort of promise and you don't need to decide or tell until the baby is born.
Luckily, she is due before you and it's 50-50 whether she'll even get to use Judah. If it's a girl, you can use Jonah with no worries. If it's a boy and she goes with Judah, you can decide whether you still like Jonah or if Benjamin is a better choice.
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You SIL is cray. Do not discuss names with her for the remainder of your pregnancies. Is this your husbands sister? If yes, and she continues to harass you about this, have him deal with her.
I have shared this before, but I will do it again. My first cousin and I have the same exact first name. (she is 2 years younger). Granted, at the time it was a top 10 name. Also, our mothers are sisters and they worked together while they were pregnant.
Was it a tad odd now that I think about it? Yeah probably. But it so wasn't a big deal growing up and it certainly isn't a big deal now. As a matter of fact, she now has a son named Robert and my DH and I have Robert on our short list for a future son. (Both of our dad's are coincidentally named Robert). IDGAF and I don't think she does either. We both have more pressing issues in our everyday lives.
I hope your SIL comes to her senses!
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
SIL us not DH's sister; she is DH's brother's wife. And he is very non confrontational. She wears the pants in the relationship and can be ver manipulative. She's not used to not getting what she wants, so I think she's freaking out that she can't tell me what to do.
I really don't want to cause any problems as this is still a hypothetical situation that she's all upset about since she doesn't know what she's having. But I really feel like she is over the line and being completely unrealistic. I wasn't sure if i was letting emotion cloud my opinion though so thank you for giving me some reassurance.
Sorry my post was so long!!
I kind of see where she's coming from in wanting her baby to have a name that is special and unique but I think she'd off her rocker for wanting to "control" what name you use.
You each get to have a baby and name it and nobody gets to dictate to anyone else.
I'd tell her that, going forward, all name conversations will take place between you and your DH.
She sounds like a real peach. And a complete drama queen, too. Don't talk about names with her.
FWIW I don't think it really matters if cousins are named Judah and Jonah. She is making this situation into a way bigger deal than it is, and I don't think she seems like the type to compromise or see the fault in her ways. So, I'd just end all name discussions from here on out. Let her find out your baby's name when your baby is born.
This. And it's not up to her to decide if Jonah and Judah are too similar. Wow, people can be so controlling. She only gets to choose one name since she's only having one kid.
All of this. I would love to mess with my SIL like you would Manderlin.