We are so lucky (mentions loss)

Starry Again · March 2013

It is hard to remember when we get caught up in our daily struggles but man we are lucky here to have healthy little ones. One regular on my other board this past month found out her baby had severe abnormalities incompatible with life and made the difficult choice to terminate the pregnancy around 23 weeks. Another regular just had her full term baby but his heart didn't start at first and even though they are now using cooling therapy, they are expecting brain damage.

All the petty crap I occupy myself with seems so minor in comparison. I am definitely going to be snuggling my baby a little more during her night feed tonight.

navyandviolet · March 2013

Life is so precious and fragile. It can all change in an instant. I always try to be aware that I am not in control of anything and all our best laid plans could evaporate. Makes me (try to) appriciate all of the wonderful things in our life at every moment.

Sillygirl85 · March 2013

I can't read anything about babies being sick, hurt, or dying. It upsets me too much, it's almost irrational. I am so happy to have my little one and to get to snuggle him all the time. My heart goes out to those who are not so lucky.

Mrs.G123 · March 2013

How heart breaking for those families. It's true, we are. It is hard to step back and realize that sometimes.

Sillygirl85 · March 2013

Thank you for adding that warning.

Mrs_Lady · March 2013

wow! so sad!!! you are so right about petty stuff! am happy my LO is thriving and sueviving each day (I'm a FTM)

numberonemama · March 2013

navy&violet:
Life is so precious and fragile. It can all change in an instant. I always try to be aware that I am not in control of anything and all our best laid plans could evaporate. Makes me (try to) appriciate all of the wonderful things in our life at every moment.

I could not have said this any better!

Petunia844 · March 2013

SarahW44:
I can't read anything about babies being sick, hurt, or dying. It upsets me too much, it's almost irrational. I am so happy to have my little one and to get to snuggle him all the time. My heart goes out to those who are not so lucky.

i know you don't mean anything by it...but saying you can't read about it can be very hurtful for those of us who have been there. Imagine if I said I didn't want to hear about your first born. Again, I know you didn't mean anything by it and I'm not attacking you, just saying something to think about in the future.

HamptonsMama · March 2013

We are very lucky! I try not to take a single day for granted. A friend of mine recently lost her son at 25 weeks. It makes me so grateful for my LO.

Petunia844 · March 2013

For those of you who find yourselves not knowing what to say to a friend in this case, this may helpful: https://carlymarieprojectheal.com/gentle-helpful-and-practical-imformation-to-guide-you-when-your-baby-dies/how-family-and-friends-can-help

I know I wish a lot of my friends had read this when I lost Peyton. It's especially important for anyone who wants to just put their head in the sand... unfortunately, loss is real, pretending it doesn't exist is not an option for many families.

Cbeanz · March 2013

I love this post, Starry. We got some bad, unexpected news at our 4-month checkup yesterday and I've been wallowing in sorrow and worry. But looking at the grand scheme of it all, our baby is doing OK. We are lucky, too.

AbuDhabiMommy · March 2013

I live overseas in a religious country and am constantly reminded whenever I am asked about my children or speak of them to give thanks. It helps when I want to whine about a sleepless night or a sassy 9 year old to remember they are blessings and to be thankful I have them.

Starry Again · March 2013

thanks for the link Petunia.

mrsmklynch · March 2013

Petunia844:

SarahW44:
I can't read anything about babies being sick, hurt, or dying. It upsets me too much, it's almost irrational. I am so happy to have my little one and to get to snuggle him all the time. My heart goes out to those who are not so lucky.

i know you don't mean anything by it...but saying you can't read about it can be very hurtful for those of us who have been there. Imagine if I said I didn't want to hear about your first born. Again, I know you didn't mean anything by it and I'm not attacking you, just saying something to think about in the future.

I can't even comprehend your loss and my heart absolutely breaks for you and every other woman who loses a child, but I think that insensitivity goes both ways. I have terrible anxiety and literally cannot bear to read about child abuse or illness or death because it turns me into a total wreck. I can't eat, can't sleep, and literally feel sick for days. It's awful. I don't think Sarah said anything hurtful or insensitive. She didn't say that people shouldn't talk about their losses, just that she can't bear to read about it.

AnotherPreggo · March 2013

Petunia, thank you so much for that link.

I love this post. We are so blessed!

Kimberskirby · March 2013

Petunia - I have read your blog and I want you to know that your work to create a beautiful legacy for Peyton is wonderful. Much earlier in pregnancy, I lost a child as well. It was extremely difficult for me, and so I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you felt when you lost Peyton. You are a great Mommy to both of your children.

projectbaby2012 · March 2013

So true. I'll take several motn wake ups with my healthy babies any day. This week is the 5 year anniversary of my friend delivering her still born daughter. I always remember it and try to be extra supportive around this time. It still hurts me after all of these years, I can only imagine how much it still hurts her.

Petunia844 · March 2013

mrsmklynch:
Petunia844:

SarahW44:
I can't read anything about babies being sick, hurt, or dying. It upsets me too much, it's almost irrational. I am so happy to have my little one and to get to snuggle him all the time. My heart goes out to those who are not so lucky.

i know you don't mean anything by it...but saying you can't read about it can be very hurtful for those of us who have been there. Imagine if I said I didn't want to hear about your first born. Again, I know you didn't mean anything by it and I'm not attacking you, just saying something to think about in the future.

I can't even comprehend your loss and my heart absolutely breaks for you and every other woman who loses a child, but I think that insensitivity goes both ways. I have terrible anxiety and literally cannot bear to read about child abuse or illness or death because it turns me into a total wreck. I can't eat, can't sleep, and literally feel sick for days. It's awful. I don't think Sarah said anything hurtful or insensitive. She didn't say that people shouldn't talk about their losses, just that she can't bear to read about it.

I know why she said it, I hate to say I used to be the same way. When I was pregnant with my first I got upset if people posted their stillbirth story on the birth story board because it made me to anxious, too upset... and now I feel awful for ever feeling that way. I don't go telling my story to pregnant women, I even told my SIL not to read my blog while she was pregnant... but I just want people to be aware that saying they don't want to read about it stings. It's not intentional and it's not malicious and I already said I knew that... but it still stings. He's my son. I'm sorry his death upsets you, but imagine how it makes me feel to hear that you just can't stomach to read about him? I know it's a tricky issue, I just wanted everyone to be aware of how it can come off to a loss mom.

Sillygirl85 · March 2013

Petunia844:
SarahW44:
I can't read anything about babies being sick, hurt, or dying. It upsets me too much, it's almost irrational. I am so happy to have my little one and to get to snuggle him all the time. My heart goes out to those who are not so lucky.
i know you don't mean anything by it...but saying you can't read about it can be very hurtful for those of us who have been there. Imagine if I said I didn't want to hear about your first born. Again, I know you didn't mean anything by it and I'm not attacking you, just saying something to think about in the future.

Petunia,

I'm sorry if you found what I said hurtful. Although I find it difficult to read about these things I respect and admire those who have had to live it.

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